JayEl

Needing some strength today. I know I need to just not drink today. AV says very different. It's early on day 2 for me after several weeks of every night drinks, followed by a 3 day all day binge only separated by bouts of passing out.

Yesterday was awful, you know the drill, shakes anxiety BP up hot cold hot cold. Blech

Sleep was fitful and soaking, but I'm alone today and my AV won't shut up about how much better I'd feel if I just had a few.

Let's get real about what would happen. I'll go buy a six pack, have that gone in under 2 hours. Rationalize going to buy more and just might as well get 12. Pass out early afternoon, probably foregoing food, wake up feeling like crap and go right back to whatever's left.

Then it will be early evening. DH will be home soon. Where did I hide that first 6? Did I really put it in my trunk? I should move it, where, where. Should I take the trash out? Maybe he won't notice. How can I convince him I've had a great day and just deserve a 6 pack, would he mind to pick it up for me? That will help hide the fact that I've been at it all day.

On and on to the panic attacks overnight as the alcohol wears off and I began rationalizing my drinking for one more day, it is the weekend, right? I'll be fine for work, maybe not fine, but I'll get there and push through to lunch when I can sneak just one.

I could type this out for hours. It doesn't stop, unless I don't drink today.

I needed to get that out. Any feedback is welcome.

LostLilly

I have been there too many times! By the end husband was on to me and had things more figured out then I thought. Nits not worth it. All the hangovers, lies, shame. You can do it, be strong today!!

Lilly

bookmaven

Type all day long if that keeps you sober.

doggonecarl

You know how your brain operates, you know the addictive voice can be convincing. But you can still say no.

2WheelsGood

Honesty is refreshing. Thanks.

Maybe take a long walk? Binge on your favorite food?

The physical stuff goes away in a week or so. It gets easier, but many of us have to keep busy to avoid the temptation. Emotions can be all over the place for a while. Just make it #1 priority right now to do anything but drink, not even one. You can do plans and all that stuff in a couple of days IMO.

NestWasEmpty

JayEl , Keep fighting - The more you tell that AV voice to Go Blank it's self the stronger you will get against ! Don't let it take over your life anymore . Think of it as a bad relationship that you want nothing more to do with. Don't open the door to let it in . Keep busy stay away from your trigger places ..
Check out threads that help also ! You can do it

JayEl

Thanks for the replies and encouragement. I'm staying busy and ignoring that deceptive, manipulating, stealing, awful voice.

Soberwolf

If you got to the top of this section of the forum in the making the plan sticky 'what we did' youl find excellent SR Links on urgesurfing & cravings

Glad your here JayEl

Meraviglioso

Sometimes it helps to just get through short blocks of time. Say to yourself, I will not drink for one hour. Then the next hour say the same. Go down to minutes if you have to. You can do this.

CaseyW

Playing the tape thru like you just did is an excellent way to deal with cravings. Admitting to others that you're having thoughts of drinking is also an excellent way to deal with cravings. Not taking that first drink no matter what is an excellent reaction to cravings.

Looks to me like you're doing great so far. Keep it up. It does get better, I promise, and sobriety is so worth this early discomfort.

SwimKim12

Hang in there, JayEl! You've done a great job "playing the tape through." Now just keep it playing on repeat! The AV can be so overwhelming sometimes, like the only way to make it stop is to give into drinking. But that never happens, the cycle just repeats itself and the AV comes back stronger and louder.

Great job reaching out and posting here. It is very clear that you want to stay sober. You can do it! The voice in your head cannot control you. As others mentioned, stay busy, watch a movie, eat sweets, call a friend, go for a walk. You can do this!!!!

chloebaby

I understand completely our minds are so powerful. I really don't have anything useful to tell you as I am on day 1 again but u r not alone. I think the lying and rationalizing is the most tiring part of this whole thing. I hate lying but yet am one of the biggest liars there is. Goodluck I know we can all do this.

JayEl

Chloebaby, have you thought about joining the August Class thread? I did. It will give me somewhere to post when I need to say something but don't even know what to say. Surrounded by people on the same leg of this journey.

Thanks for the encouragement all!

Dee74

Welcome back JayEl

I also recommend the link Soberwolf mentioned - some great resources and ideas on making a plan, fighting cravings. and finding support

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

D

Hevyn

Hi JayEl. I'm so glad you wanted to talk about what you're feeling. I agree that staying distracted & busy is key. Posting here will help with the anxiety. The uncomfortable feelings will pass, and then you never have to go through this again. We're with you.

thomas11

Hi JayEl, I'm glad you got that off your chest. It sounds as if you know the drill all too well, like many of us. I can share with you my experience with a situation similar to yours. I became aware that I had gotten myself into a mess with my alcohol consumption (nightly drinking that ended in a historic binge/bender). I didn't know I had gotten into this mess until it was too late. I didn't know there even was such a thing as alcohol withdrawal. And there I was, experiencing it. I got angry with myself because I got myself into this mess, and I was the only one who could get myself out of that mess. I tried to gather as much information as I could and did not even consider medical help (too embarrassed or proud). I used the taper method and was successful, although its success rate is low. I vowed not to ever do that again, and I haven't. But I didn't quit drinking, I "limited" myself to weekend warrior status. That was just the lesser of two evils. Haven't drank in 70+ days, feel great, and it has been worth it. I wish you the very best.