My kid is being raised on lies
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My kid is being raised on lies
Guys my kid is being raised on lies all around. His mother, my mother, his aunties etc it is all they know. Big or small, it's all fun and games to them. And he is suffering as a result. That's how its starts isn't it? Of all the **** I have endured a lifetime of lies was the most damaging. It's very difficult to reverse nagivate your way through a lifetime of it when it was your family doing it and you are surrounded by them. And yet it's the difference between living an authentic life or not. It's happening all over again, he has a lot of self doubt already and has been thought to block out/not think about certain patterns of thought that he has I've observed. This is why I cannot sleep at night.
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I'm sorry Strat.
I really think, still, the best thing you can do for your kid is get yourself together, get support and help for the issues you need a hand with, get yourself set up in a place of your own, and get yourself employed.
That way you can go for sole custody.
it might sound impossible now, but it's really not.
D
I really think, still, the best thing you can do for your kid is get yourself together, get support and help for the issues you need a hand with, get yourself set up in a place of your own, and get yourself employed.
That way you can go for sole custody.
it might sound impossible now, but it's really not.
D
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Wouldn't say she's a total psycho but she has demonstrated a level of cruelty over the past few years that I was surprised by. Towards me and the child. His head is wrecked stuck with her all summer, he said it himself. We laughed about it but I don't find it funny to be honest. She is a nasty person tbh.
Dee agree with everything you said there, that is what I have been trying to do someway somehow for a very long time. As for the help and support - well I didn't really want everyone around where I am from to know everything about me. It was an impossible situation anyway, with my doctor being my parents doctor and drinks with my mothers sister, this kinda crap.
As for the sole custody, on what grounds? I have always reckoned he will want to live with me when he is older and has a choice. He would choose me over them any day and has done since he was a toddler basically. Problem is now, as I've always had too- where will I be living? Will I be alive? etc, etc, I haven't a clue myself.
Dee agree with everything you said there, that is what I have been trying to do someway somehow for a very long time. As for the help and support - well I didn't really want everyone around where I am from to know everything about me. It was an impossible situation anyway, with my doctor being my parents doctor and drinks with my mothers sister, this kinda crap.
As for the sole custody, on what grounds? I have always reckoned he will want to live with me when he is older and has a choice. He would choose me over them any day and has done since he was a toddler basically. Problem is now, as I've always had too- where will I be living? Will I be alive? etc, etc, I haven't a clue myself.
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Strat, you can do the best you can to stay healthy to be around for your child. As Dee said, take care of yourself and your recovery and you will be in the best position for custody. If not, full custody, then a shared arrangement, perhaps.
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I thought sole custody was what you wanted, Strat?
It would be what I would want if I thought my son was in a situation like this
It would be what I would want if I thought my son was in a situation like this
Of all the **** I have endured a lifetime of lies was the most damaging. It's very difficult to reverse nagivate your way through a lifetime of it when it was your family doing it and you are surrounded by them. And yet it's the difference between living an authentic life or not. It's happening all over again
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Man, that'd be a dream. But as far as I know the courts don't take children off their mothers except in extreme circumstances. What can I say, because she is a liar? It is damaging and f'n his head up though. I do know this, he has been preoccupied with lies and the word trust for many years already. He's not the same carefree kid that I raised at all, it's apparent to me that he suffers and is becoming introverted as we speak. I counteract it by acting like a kid myself and let him parent me until he lightens up a little, but sure what's the point it's only a few hours here and there. His mother put's him between us on the phone also which isn't on.
His basic needs are met and met well (although I could feed him a lot better tbh) which is one thing. But he hasn't had a carefree upbringing at all and it can't be doing him much good to be stuck in this maelstrom of vanity and lies which is his mother basically. His emotional, creative and spiritual needs are not met with her, he's alone is his bedroom every evening (wondering what's true and what's not no doubt) is what I observed in the couple of months I was living there. I've been trying to get my solicitor on the phone the past few weeks to talk about some of this stuff, not what his mother does or doesn't do but what should I be aiming for here and what's realistic. It eats me alive knowing all this stuff and being able to do little about it.
His basic needs are met and met well (although I could feed him a lot better tbh) which is one thing. But he hasn't had a carefree upbringing at all and it can't be doing him much good to be stuck in this maelstrom of vanity and lies which is his mother basically. His emotional, creative and spiritual needs are not met with her, he's alone is his bedroom every evening (wondering what's true and what's not no doubt) is what I observed in the couple of months I was living there. I've been trying to get my solicitor on the phone the past few weeks to talk about some of this stuff, not what his mother does or doesn't do but what should I be aiming for here and what's realistic. It eats me alive knowing all this stuff and being able to do little about it.
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That said… My solicitor did say to me a while ago that if his mother kept refusing to comply with the court order, as she did for 2.5 years and all along basically by bringing him to my parent (omg ffs) or simply denying access any time I tried to move on with my life like eh, talk to a girl or anything that I could get sole custody. I didn't take her seriously initially (I got the whole self doubt, imposter syndrome and trust issue thing going on) but it is unlikely she would say that spuriously? The thing is, if I am able to notice that the kid is suffering in all of this from a afar and by intuition alone, I can't be the only one. He's a well liked child, he was loved by all older folks when he was younger so I'd assume it was the same for teachers etc. Which reminds me, I have a right to talk to his school now. They have turned me away in the past as I wasn't his guardian (I wanted to enquire about his grades and issues I knew he was having).
You asked me in another thread what would it take to make everything alright with the world. And I was thinking about that, I couldn't come up with anything. However you also supplied the answer- sole custody would make everything alright with the world. And thats not even about me! Most lads i know have been running the opposite direction from their kids, I've literally been fighting in one way or another (with his mother) for 9 years now for us to reach agreement on his welfare. That is never going to happen I realize, for some reason in fact she will go against my wishes just for the sake of it completely ignoring his welfare in the process. Take for example me stressing in the court that she cannot leave the child unattended at my parents house, which the judge asked her if she was willing to comply with. She said she wasn't willing, and the judge actually asked the clerks what he was to do and there was a chorus of 'its not before the courts' so he was unable to rule on it. Her reaction? She left him alone at that house the very next weekend as he told me, to spite me or something wtf.
I've come to a new realisation based on faith in these proceedings that the court know what I know about my family if not more, and I believe they do have the child's interest at heart. If it was me in those circles I would do also. And I can't be the only one with decent morals so we are in agreement. He's a well liked child all around or was at least, and it must be apparent to others that he is suffering all the time and it also must be apparent that I am not the root cause of that. There should be no doubt at this stage after such a lengthy hiatus yano? I am so annoyed with myself that I sleepwalked and self sabotaged against myself all those years and now I am waking up to this but at least I am awake to it. It's been rough, thanks guys for support it's all I need and what I have been missing in all of this from the start.
You asked me in another thread what would it take to make everything alright with the world. And I was thinking about that, I couldn't come up with anything. However you also supplied the answer- sole custody would make everything alright with the world. And thats not even about me! Most lads i know have been running the opposite direction from their kids, I've literally been fighting in one way or another (with his mother) for 9 years now for us to reach agreement on his welfare. That is never going to happen I realize, for some reason in fact she will go against my wishes just for the sake of it completely ignoring his welfare in the process. Take for example me stressing in the court that she cannot leave the child unattended at my parents house, which the judge asked her if she was willing to comply with. She said she wasn't willing, and the judge actually asked the clerks what he was to do and there was a chorus of 'its not before the courts' so he was unable to rule on it. Her reaction? She left him alone at that house the very next weekend as he told me, to spite me or something wtf.
I've come to a new realisation based on faith in these proceedings that the court know what I know about my family if not more, and I believe they do have the child's interest at heart. If it was me in those circles I would do also. And I can't be the only one with decent morals so we are in agreement. He's a well liked child all around or was at least, and it must be apparent to others that he is suffering all the time and it also must be apparent that I am not the root cause of that. There should be no doubt at this stage after such a lengthy hiatus yano? I am so annoyed with myself that I sleepwalked and self sabotaged against myself all those years and now I am waking up to this but at least I am awake to it. It's been rough, thanks guys for support it's all I need and what I have been missing in all of this from the start.
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