RunningAway

Serious question. And I ask because I am realizing that I am not ready to commit to total sobriety. Would it be better for me? Probably. Is it realistic for me today? No.

So what I'm asking is if I am trying to reduce my drinking and get it more in control, is that attitude welcome here or is this a forum for those who are or are striving for 100% total sobriety? No hard feelings if this isn't the right place for me based on where I am with this today.

Thanks in advance.

ScottFromWI

The goal of SR is sobriety/abstinence, yes. That doesn't mean you would not be welcome here to learn and interact with others of course.

What you won't find though is discussion or approval of "moderation" methods or things like Harm Reduction which still promote drinking/using but just using less.

RunningAway

That's fair, thanks for the reply/explanation.

StayStrong33

Hey Running Away, welcome to SR. I read on these forums often and complete sobriety is 100% encouraged and recommended here. I'm sure others will chime in on this but achieving abstinence is the culture IMHO and moderation is typically not received well. Not in a mean way but out of concern for the dangerous progression of alcoholism. Stick around and read the posts made - perhaps you'll feel moved to give it up for good.

ScottFromWI

Not a problem. I would also refer you back to your first post here a few weeks ago, particularly this quote

I can’t live my life like this any longer. I’ve been trying to moderate my drinking for a long time, and it just doesn’t work

Is there something that's changed between then and now that make you think that moderation will work? Read the whole post if you don't remember, it seems to be written from the heart.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-question.html

Anna

Welcome, and I hope that you keep an open mind about complete sobriety. Most of us here have tried moderation and failed, but we do understand that it's hard to let go.

sobriiestote

I started reading here a couple of years ago and played and toyed and tried with moderation and control, I am now under no illusion I have to stop..

Keep reading even if you're not posting and you may come to the same conclusion...

Carver

It is, because abstinence is what every honest alcoholic wants. And it's awesome! I'm only a newbie at 35 days, but the benefits are already showing themselves.

But I think you'll find that everybody is welcome here. Stick around, because hearing from long-term recovered alcoholics is what inspires me to stay sober.

Good to meet you!

Soberwolf

Welcome to SR i totally agree with Scott

Lola23

Hi RunningAway,

Just wanted to chime in that you shld keep coming here if you have questions, want to learn, etc. I know that when I first came on this site, I was also SO tired of the way I was living and just didn't know what to do. But I wasn't ready to say that absolute sobriety was my goal. I found everyone welcoming and learned a lot of tools and just information in general. Since then, like others have said, I realized that I am not able to moderate. I haven't been perfect at all, but I'm now on a way better path than I thought I would be when I first joined SR, with the idea that a sober life is the best life for me.

You're welcome here. I think the only thing you may get negative feedback on is if you post something along the lines of 'Hey guys, I did great moderating yesterday...only drank X amount of drinks instead of getting totally wasted!' It might go w/o saying but as this is a newcomers site, that kind of talk is regarded as triggering and this just isn't the place for it. Otherwise, stick around, post as you need and read up! Welcome!

RunningAway

That's a fair question Scott. To be clear, I am not convinced that moderation will work now, however, for reasons that are not important, total sobriety is realistically not in the cards for me in the immediate future. So that being said, I'm just trying to gauge whether that attitude is acceptable here or not.

[QUOTE=ScottFromWI;5500930]Not a problem. I would also refer you back to your first post here a few weeks ago, particularly this quote

doggonecarl

You want to think that control is realistic for you, but it isn't. Drinking is realistic, but not moderate or "normal" drinking. This from the Big Book of AA:

The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.

You are in a very delicate spot. You have been striving to get sober. Though you might struggle, you could continue to strive and you could attain sobriety and all that goes with it.

Or you could return to drinking, and all the consequences that come with that.

Please make the "right" choice, not the easiest.

TroyW

Yeah, that attitude is acceptable. It's just don't expect much support / approval for it here. All you'll really get is responses like, "moderation never worked for me, but if you think you can do it, all the best".

RunningAway

You all make good and valid points, but here is one thing I've struggled with. Since there is no definitive, categorical test to determine whether one can manage to drink responsibly, how does one really truly know that they have to go to total abstinence and control is not an option?

I mean granted I've failed, but I also failed for the first year I tried to dunk a basketball and then I finally learned how to do it. So how does one get to the point where you just accept the fact that it will never happen? For those who are there, did you actually reach that conclusion or get tired of trying to dunk and coming up short?

Perhaps I'm not articulating the thought very well...

sobriiestote

I guess the title of this website Sober Recovery gives a clue...

There may be forums out there called "trying to hold it together" or "stop me after the 1st bottle of wine" but I think the fact we all stumbled across this website speaks volumes...

I now check this site more than I check Facebook and that's saying something, considering I'm still drinking...

I CRAVE what these guys have, I would pay for it,

I'm just waiting patiently and hoping my spot on 17th Aug starts something truly magnificent, I'm bl@@dy ready....!

Keep,checking in, sooner or later something will hit the spot!

TroyW

Alcoholism is a progressive disease which continually gets worse. Whereas basketball is the other way around, and you progressively get better with practice.

It's up to you to decide whether you can manage your drinking, but as you'll notice this forum is littered with stories of people who have tried, and only ended up digging themselves an even deeper hole then they were originally in.

sobriiestote

My progressive is that I used to black out every 6 months after a "special occasion" and I now black out EVERY night after a normal day at work or home with nothing to give a reason to it... The only reason is... Oh yeah alcohol makes me black out, period... No good days anymore, just ****** ones...

RunningAway

Just want to clarify that I am not trying to push an agenda here. I'm simply asking the question of etiquette in the interest of being respectful for what you/we are working toward. If that attitude/strategy is not appropriate here, you won't here me talking about it. That's all I'm trying to understand.

doggonecarl

I think you are articulating quite well that you haven't accepted that you can never drink again.

Until you accept that, you will struggle with sobriety. The only problem is, you will struggle with alternative to sobriety, which is drinking. The struggle that brought you hear to SR in the first place.

SR will be here if you attempts at controlled drinking fail.

sobriiestote

Keep coming to SR, if u worry about your drinking I think u have a place here, whether we try, fail, succeed, moderate, taper, detox, cold turkey, end up in ER, whatever, we all deserve a place here and I've been here as an active drinker for 2 years now, it's brought me ready for a stop, without this site I would still be floundering....