peanut44

What a sad morning.

I haven't really cried in about 2 years. Well, that all changed this morning. The insomnia I'm experiencing is epic. I've tried to call in someone to cover me at work but nobody is answering so now I'm just mad.

It's my husbands birthday and I'm sitting there sobbing, telling him that if this is what it's going to be like, it's not going to be enough. How horrible is that?

Being the angel that he is, he just sits there and hugs me and tells me how much he loves me.
I know I've put myself in this position but it doesn't make it less painful. I can't believe I have to work like this......

Findingtheway

Good Morning Peanut.

Let's talk about it. What's got you feeling sad?

11 days is great by the way.

Anna

You are so very blessed to have a husband who is helping you through this.

I have chronic insomnia, so I know it can be miserable. I hope you get some relief.

peanut44

I'll have to post later because I have to go in to work.

I'm mainly sad because it's been so long that I have had normal feelings that I don't even know what they are. And not sleeping for a couple nights makes EVERYTHING tough to deal with.

I'll post when I can.

LilyMarie

I'm sorry you're having a rough day, Peanut. I really get what you're saying about having feelings + not sleeping = bad, bad time.

Best wishes to you! I hope you are able to get through work today, get home and get more hugs from your husband.

sg1970

You will be ok. Give it some time. I know it's rough right now but it will be so worth it.

My Dr recommended a natural supplement called Melatonin for sleep. It's inexpensive, over the counter, and worked really well. You might try that as a nonnarcotic sleep aid. It's in the natural supplement section of the drug store. The body naturally produces it in the pineal gland. 3-5 Mg 2 hours before bed.

Mindful meditation also helps me to fall asleep.

Soberwolf

Your doing really well peanut i had days like this things will improve i promise i have bouts of insomnia and its not nice have you spoke to a dr peanut

if you ever want to talk you can always send a msg

countrygirl2014

I remember these days. I remember telling my boyfriend "something has to give, if this is how it's going to be, I can't do this" that was over 10 months ago. It does get better. Hang in there

Jennifer

peanut44

Wow, i can not even believe i made it thru the day today. Omg!!!!
This is not something i will be able to handle on a regular basis. I've had problems with insomnia my whole life and finally found Ambien. But off and on its not working either.

I'm so tired that i can't even think. I haven't spoke to my doctor about the the latest problems sleeping but i probably will next week.
I'm sure it has everything to do with withdrawals, i had just forgotten how bad it was. My friend came in to check on me and bought me a Starbucks, bless her heart. We talked for awhile and that brought me some comfort.
There is a definitely a hole in my life right now. I'm trying to be patient. I know drugs aren't the answer. I just wish i knew what was.
Thanks for being here!

Spacegoat

Hi peanut. Just pitching in my support as I know this.

A meta-chronic insomnia sufferer here too, long time.

Congratulations on having 11 days sober by the way.

peanut44

Insomnia is a bad one. Mine is psycho physiological conditioned insomnia. From seeing so much violence for so long.
My family is ssoooooo dysfunctional.

Spacegoat

Really bad, it's just so difficult to function with let alone enjoy anything.

I never heard of that term but would imagine mine is something similar.

Seen a lot of violence also, my earliest memory is of traumatic violence.

peanut44

I totally agree with you stratman! Sounds like we have unfortunate events from the past in common.

Spacegoat

Yep. It's the first thing I noticed on the board and the reason I stuck around, people talking about similar stuff.

Meant to say I had that ambient/stillnoct for a while too. It's not strong, not that I think stronger is the answer.

Hope today is a better day, to day 12 https://youtu.be/8JgEptmz_eE. It's 6am here so think I'l lie down for a bit.

VexedEnuff

Wow!

MythOfSisyphus

I hope you will see your doctor, peanut. I've only had short bouts of insomnia, never lasting too long, but it sucked. Hopefully they can help you out.

MythOfSisyphus

BTW, if it's fear you're worried about try to imagine your fears coming true. Then see that no matter what, you will be okay. You are more durable than any bad situation. If you lost a job you would get a new one. If you lose a possession you'll replace it or get by. I'm just trying to say you will get through this, one way or another. Sobriety is something durable, something you can keep that no one can take away.

Berrybean

I know what you mean. it's one thing dealing with all those emotions with alcohol to help, but still carrying them around sober was almost my undoing. For most of us, our alcoholic hyper-sensitive emotional state has caused a lot of pain throughout at least a significant chunk of our lives, if not all of it.

Other people have found other ways, and I'm sure they'll be kind enough to tell you what they did. All I can do is tell you how I did (and am) overcoming this.

Thankfully for me, I went along to AA and (after a painful period of procrastination) finally asked someone to sponsor me and started working the steps. This made a massive difference and I soon started to cope better. As I followed the 12-Step program I've gained a completely new insight into my emotions, and my emotional reaction to things generally, and to things that have happened in my past have definitely changed. I've been able to adjust my perspective so that now, memories from childhood that have always overwhelmed me with sadness, anger and resentful no longer have any power over me at all. Fears that have always controlled me without me even realising that it was happening have now loosened their grip over me. It's pretty amazing stuff. At meetings I get the chance to share experiences, strength and hope through listening, speaking, and getting to meet other people who are on the same journey. And through working with my sponsor (a lovely, lovely lady) on my Steps, I get to understand and address my own emotions; perceptions; and life choices. How I would have managed to do this without the support and guidance of AA I really don't know. To be honest, if I hadn't gone I'm fairly sure I'd have gone back to drinking as it wouldn't have been bearable otherwise.

I hope you find a way of dealing with it all soon. It is such a painful time. x

PurpleKnight

Keep pushing through!! Day 11 is fantastic!!

peanut44

Day 12.....
I did get some sleep last night. Thank God!
I'm not in as sad a mood as i was but still down. I'm not really having cravings but there is definitely a void. I need to fill it with something. It's on my mind, ALOT.

I'm very familiar with meetings and sponsors but don't really have much to choose from in my area. More of a self help thing. Plus having a couple of bad experiences with anonymity being compromised didn't help either.
I'm at work and I'll post again later.
Hope everyone has a great day!