Not new to the site, new to sobriety.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Kettering
Posts: 2
Not new to the site, new to sobriety.
So, after a long struggle with sobriety of the body, and the mind- I have officially lost my wife and step-daughter as of Sunday. This was absolutely blindsiding, because there was no indication of this coming at all. We had some issues come up early this year and sought counseling, which let us better communicate with each other. My wife indicated that my DD's were still an issue, but months up to the surgery, we would share the days playing video games, sharing hobbies, and being great friends.
My wife went to have a surgical procedure performed across state, and she was to stay at her dads while she healed. A week later, she calls me and lets me know that she is not happy, that I am sick beyond her help, and she is not coming home. She pulled her daughter from the school district, and is coming down to pick up her stuff and file for divorce this Saturday.
While I am confused, angry, and hurt- I cannot see what had happened. Maybe that is just my alcoholic mindset not being able to see outside of myself. As the day approaches, I loose more and more sleep, break into more and more crying fits, and beg her to tell me the reason she is leaving me. "There is so much to this decision, but I cannot get into it right now". I am convinced she is saying that there is no way she can communicate that my DD's were affecting her, because she had tried so many times in the past.
So now, I am here pondering my life. What I enjoyed is no longer there. What is in front of me now, is what I despise. I have only my work, and nothing else. I have moved a bit further away back into my parents place and I am ending the lease on my former apartment as coming home simply bares too much pain.
I am an extrovert with no friends in the area. I am panicked. I cannot even tell what I am passionate about, because all I have ever had was a companion next to me ready to spontaneously do whatever we felt. We had freedom of choice. I sit here, not wanting to play video games as I feel I want to be out and meeting people. I dont want to be in my parents place longer than necessary, because it feels like a reminder of my chronic failure, and reminder of what I have lost.
Any advice for a newcomer?
My wife went to have a surgical procedure performed across state, and she was to stay at her dads while she healed. A week later, she calls me and lets me know that she is not happy, that I am sick beyond her help, and she is not coming home. She pulled her daughter from the school district, and is coming down to pick up her stuff and file for divorce this Saturday.
While I am confused, angry, and hurt- I cannot see what had happened. Maybe that is just my alcoholic mindset not being able to see outside of myself. As the day approaches, I loose more and more sleep, break into more and more crying fits, and beg her to tell me the reason she is leaving me. "There is so much to this decision, but I cannot get into it right now". I am convinced she is saying that there is no way she can communicate that my DD's were affecting her, because she had tried so many times in the past.
So now, I am here pondering my life. What I enjoyed is no longer there. What is in front of me now, is what I despise. I have only my work, and nothing else. I have moved a bit further away back into my parents place and I am ending the lease on my former apartment as coming home simply bares too much pain.
I am an extrovert with no friends in the area. I am panicked. I cannot even tell what I am passionate about, because all I have ever had was a companion next to me ready to spontaneously do whatever we felt. We had freedom of choice. I sit here, not wanting to play video games as I feel I want to be out and meeting people. I dont want to be in my parents place longer than necessary, because it feels like a reminder of my chronic failure, and reminder of what I have lost.
Any advice for a newcomer?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: WI
Posts: 529
Similar story here. My divorce was finalized in December of last year. My daughter lives with her mom. The fact that I drank so much was a significant part of the problem between my ex and I.
How long have you been married?
How long have you been married?
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome to SR wOOter! Sorry to hear of the bad news and unfortunate situation you are in. Are you still drinking/drugging or have you been sober for a while - it's sort of unclear from your post.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Kettering
Posts: 2
JD4010 - This October would have been 5 years.
I have been free from the drink for over year. I know prior to that, those 4 years were filled with a lot of anger as I had relapsed 3 times over the span of 2 years.
I have been free from the drink for over year. I know prior to that, those 4 years were filled with a lot of anger as I had relapsed 3 times over the span of 2 years.
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
Welcome to SR, w00ter.
If you're an extrovert looking for others to talk to in your new area, have you tried AA or other recovery meetings? Those are great places to meet new people who might also help you with your recovery from addiction and the other issues going on in your life.
Active participation here is another way to meet new people. We may not be able to see each other face to face, but we are real people and there is a ton of great support and wisdom to be found throughout these forums.
Sorry you're in so much pain right now. Wishing you the best today and hope you'll check in often.
If you're an extrovert looking for others to talk to in your new area, have you tried AA or other recovery meetings? Those are great places to meet new people who might also help you with your recovery from addiction and the other issues going on in your life.
Active participation here is another way to meet new people. We may not be able to see each other face to face, but we are real people and there is a ton of great support and wisdom to be found throughout these forums.
Sorry you're in so much pain right now. Wishing you the best today and hope you'll check in often.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I don't know what "DD" means...but I know you will get through this time. There is nothing to do but heal yourself, you know? How about some volunteer work? I always meet really nice people volunteering, and it gets me out of my own head and my problems.
I lived in Kettering for a while
Welcome to the site.
I lived in Kettering for a while
Welcome to the site.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Originally Posted by w00ter 
So now, I am here pondering my life. What I enjoyed is no longer there. What is in front of me now, is what I despise. I have only my work, and nothing else.?
Hang on!
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Ohio
Posts: 181
I am so sorry to hear about your troubles. I can't offer much advice on divorce / relationships because I'm still on my first wife. We did separate once (while dating) for 6 months because of my own anger / emotional issues . I got help. We got back together and married a year later.
Never say never on the relationship. IMO right now you need to get yourself together and make some big changes, as Anna said above. Sobriety should be your first priority right now. Maybe this is a wake up call from karma?
Good luck. Take care of yourself !
Never say never on the relationship. IMO right now you need to get yourself together and make some big changes, as Anna said above. Sobriety should be your first priority right now. Maybe this is a wake up call from karma?
Good luck. Take care of yourself !
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,537
Very glad you found us w00ter. I'm sorry for all the pain you're experiencing right now. Things never stay the same - and life will be good once again, in a different way.
There's always someone here to talk to. I hope we'll be able to help with the anxiety you're feeling.
There's always someone here to talk to. I hope we'll be able to help with the anxiety you're feeling.
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