Tangled34

So I have found out that AH is seeing someone else. She is another drinker who will party all weekend with him. My friend met him out with her and he didn't even have the tact to walk out instead they tried to sit with my friend but she was having none of it. She said she isn't a patch on me, looks way older than she is. He is threatening me where finances are concerned saying that he is cancelling everything because he said I am putting obstacles in the way of him and dd which I am not he takes her overnight every week and rings every day but sometimes I am out as I have my own life and he goes mad then! I am just heartbroken all I ever did was try to help him I couldn't have done anymore where our marriage is concerned I did everything for him and this is what I got in return! He must really hate me to treat me like this. He has no respect or empathy for me or dd.

I have gotten legal advice and will be pressing ahead with separation in the next two weeks. I can't live like this anymore. I don't understand why he keeps threatening me as I have done nothing only sit at home in my own raising our little girl

Liveitwell

He's doing all those things bc he is a disturbed alcoholic. His life is a sham, a joke. He doesn't have empathy bc he cannot-life is about him, period. Keep moving forward!! You are not alone-Gods got you

Tangled34

Thank you forourgirls. I really hope god does have me because I really can't take anymore. If I lose anymore weight I will be invisible!

AH says I am living the high life on him when i do nothing at all only work and look after our little girl!

I feel like I never even knew him and that our whole life was a lie!

Sotiredofitall

My daughter ended up getting a cell phone for her daughter so dad could call if they were out (also works if she gets scared and needs to talk to mom). Of course EAH's (daughter's) new gf doesn't think the child should have a phone and won't let her use it at their house. There have been other safeguards discussed and my gdaughter knows how to stay safe (she is 9) or as safe as can be.

LucyGoosey

"I feel like I never even knew him and that our whole life was a lie."

That is exactly how I feel. It's a very strange feeling. I agree that your husband is only thinking of himself. Addiction is selfish. My AH looked for someone who would support/tolerate his drinking. Every action he takes protects his addictions.

Tangled34

Sotire she is too young for a cell phone she is only 4 and doesn't even want to talk on the phone as she is usually distracted either playing or watching tv you would be lucky to get a hi or bye from her lol

Lucy I am completely heartbroken over this. 18 years more than half my life and I feel like it was all a lie it's a horrible feeling. And to stick the knife in further he is saying that I am jealous of this new girl! I told him he was no prize for anyone and I have absolutely nothing to be jealous of where she is concerned as she is no oil painting!

NYCDoglvr

What got me through the end of my relationship was Alanon. It taught me to keep the focus on me instead of him, to look at my own words and actions. Most of all, it helped me understand that what I was going through was the miserable ending of a bad relationship.

theuncertainty

I'm so sorry, Tangled. You and your DD are entitled to live your own lives. You don't have to sit around waiting for him to call. It sounds so simple and clear, but it took a long while for me to realize that. AXH would run that same accusation up the pole on the slightest breeze or if he was feeling the least bit tetchy, if we didn't answer the phone by # rings. It wasn't about anything other than wanting what he wanted, when he wanted it. (When the divorce and custody proceedings started, AXH actually thought the court would set up an arrangement where he could stop by and pick up DS whenever he wanted: no schedule, just when the mood hit him that he wanted to see DS. Well , he thought a lot of things about the proceedings, and most of those were wrong, too.)

I was amazed when I finally understood, especially when DS was younger, that we could set schedules not only for the visits, but for phone calls, too. AXH was no longer living with us, so he didn't know what our dinner time, or bed time routines were. If we came up with a set time, the idea was that he'd know he could call and it would usually not be in the middle of dinner or bath or bed time. To be honest, it went over like a lead balloon with AXH (to say he was livid would be putting it mildly), but it empowered me to plan our days and keep DS's routine more stable.

I don't really understand it either. AXH accused me of taking all of his money and living beyond my means, while at the same time saying I wasn't providing an appropriate home for DS because I was living with family. 1. He didn't have money, because he never held onto jobs. And 2. I was living with family because I couldn't afford a one-bedroom apartment on my own. Yep, I was living the high life.

AXH had to point the finger at me (I'm fairly certain he still does, but I no longer have to hear it ), because if he didn't, he'd have to take some responsibility for the mess. He's not going to do that, at least not while he's actively using.

Hang in there. ((((hugs))))

Tangled34

Thank you guys for the replies. It's very hard as I still love him even after everything he has done to us bit I'm sure I will get there.