Empty promises
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Flint, MI
Posts: 5
Empty promises
I'm so tired of empty promises. He calls me all day at work telling me how great I am, checking up on me, telling me he misses me. And I get home. I know already. It's the same as always. He avoids me. He yells hello instead of running up to hug me. Today I feel like I'm going to pass out. ( I am exhausted, I have intestinal issues and they are acting up, I worked a 10 hour day and then went to school for 4 hours starting at 5am..) So he finally comes over to me as I'm laying on the couch and asks if I want pizza. I say come here. And I hug him. He reeeks of beer. I look at him and say nothing. I find the cans stashed in their usual place (I guess he thinks they just disappear on their own). I am so upset and angry. I can't even cry anymore though.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: western canada
Posts: 1,441
Hey...
Welcome to Sober Recovery EEyes...
I know it's so hard when the body is there... but the person is sorta not...
But.. rather than blame your addict... you might want to blame Adam and Eve for eating that damn apple... and beginning the human race on the ongoing journey of shame... it'll do about as much good.
I've been thinking about this... and I'm convinced that that apple was fermented... and Eve gave it to Adam... and he decided he liked it... and Eve realized that she had competition... and then God came and kicked them out of the garden.
The rest is history... as far as the disease of codependancy spreading among us... producing the addicts and the controllers... ;o)
Are you familiar at all with Alanon? It goes a long way toward helping the controller to move the focus off the alkie and back onto themselves... like it should be.
It sounds like you have enough on your plate to think about anyway... ;o)
Welcome to Sober Recovery EEyes...
I know it's so hard when the body is there... but the person is sorta not...
But.. rather than blame your addict... you might want to blame Adam and Eve for eating that damn apple... and beginning the human race on the ongoing journey of shame... it'll do about as much good.
I've been thinking about this... and I'm convinced that that apple was fermented... and Eve gave it to Adam... and he decided he liked it... and Eve realized that she had competition... and then God came and kicked them out of the garden.
The rest is history... as far as the disease of codependancy spreading among us... producing the addicts and the controllers... ;o)
Are you familiar at all with Alanon? It goes a long way toward helping the controller to move the focus off the alkie and back onto themselves... like it should be.
It sounds like you have enough on your plate to think about anyway... ;o)
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: western canada
Posts: 1,441
Originally Posted by Gabe
bikewench,
I just love ya, that's all.
Great analogy.
Sometimes there is no making sense of the senseless.
Hugs,
Gabe
I just love ya, that's all.
Great analogy.
Sometimes there is no making sense of the senseless.
Hugs,
Gabe
Thanks Gabe...
Cause I thrive on love and hugs... ;o)
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
Hi evileyes,
Welcome to SR. It is a hard place to be in to realize that a loved one has a drinking or drugging problem. It's scary, frustrating, and confusing. Reaching out is the first step to finding some peace. There are so many people who are dealing with this, but until we break the silence we feel alone. Opening up and being honest with people who understand and are coping is very comforting. Learning to heal ourself and find peace is too. This forum has helped me with both.
I had reached the end of my rope trying to fix someone else. When I finally decided that I had to get help, whether my husband did or not, I turned to Al-Anon. Not only did it give me hope and support, but it has helped me learn to find me again and to like the me I am.
I hope that you can find something here. There are so many people here that understand and have been where you are. You don't have to go through this alone. Hugs, Magic
To find an Al-Anon meeting, http://www.al-anon-alateen.org/ and select "Find a Meeting."
Welcome to SR. It is a hard place to be in to realize that a loved one has a drinking or drugging problem. It's scary, frustrating, and confusing. Reaching out is the first step to finding some peace. There are so many people who are dealing with this, but until we break the silence we feel alone. Opening up and being honest with people who understand and are coping is very comforting. Learning to heal ourself and find peace is too. This forum has helped me with both.
I had reached the end of my rope trying to fix someone else. When I finally decided that I had to get help, whether my husband did or not, I turned to Al-Anon. Not only did it give me hope and support, but it has helped me learn to find me again and to like the me I am.
I hope that you can find something here. There are so many people here that understand and have been where you are. You don't have to go through this alone. Hugs, Magic
To find an Al-Anon meeting, http://www.al-anon-alateen.org/ and select "Find a Meeting."
"learning to just be me"
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: corner of sanity and ...
Posts: 66
EvilEyes: Welcome! HUGS.
I too worked long days, went to college and came home to someone who wasn't there most of the time, even though I heard him mumbling about the next great adventure that I learned would never materialize. It was unfufilling and a-little-past a lonely place to be for me. Al-anon gave me a personal freedom that I didn't know was possible. If you're schedule will permit, Al-Anon might help.
From your posts, it sounds like learning all you can about alcoholism would be benificial. SobberRecovery is a great place to learn with power posts. Al-Anon is also a great place.
In both cases you will meet people who are learning some new tools/skills they apply in their lives that help them get through the day with less stress and more happiness whether the alcoholic is drinking or not. It doesn't sound like there is an abundance of happiness from your posts. Maybe it could help.
Hum? What would happen if the "empty-beer-can-removal-farrie" didn't show up?
I too worked long days, went to college and came home to someone who wasn't there most of the time, even though I heard him mumbling about the next great adventure that I learned would never materialize. It was unfufilling and a-little-past a lonely place to be for me. Al-anon gave me a personal freedom that I didn't know was possible. If you're schedule will permit, Al-Anon might help.
From your posts, it sounds like learning all you can about alcoholism would be benificial. SobberRecovery is a great place to learn with power posts. Al-Anon is also a great place.
In both cases you will meet people who are learning some new tools/skills they apply in their lives that help them get through the day with less stress and more happiness whether the alcoholic is drinking or not. It doesn't sound like there is an abundance of happiness from your posts. Maybe it could help.
Hum? What would happen if the "empty-beer-can-removal-farrie" didn't show up?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Litterbox City
Posts: 5,691
(((evileyes))) - we all have been in the emotional state that you have at some time. you will find great information and comraderie on this site. learning to stop focusing on the a and on ourselves is quite a behavior change for all of us, but there are so many here that will tell you and already have told you that it works! i am but a novice but small changes have made a difference for me already. come back and "talk" to us anytime! hugs to you!
bikewench - you are too much - i like your style!
cwohio
bikewench - you are too much - i like your style!
cwohio
Member
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Raleigh, NC (Jersey Girl transplant)
Posts: 676
Welcome EE,
I can feel your exhaustion through your post. One of the things we learn in taking care of ourselves is that we need to bave balance. It sounds like you are not getting enough rest. For me this throws everything off and I can't function properly. Is there a way you can get some extra rest? I like what noifs2day said what if the "empty-beer-can-removal-farrie" didn't show up? Is there anything that you can stop doing right now, if only temporarily to give yourself extra rest? Or allow you to go to an Alanon meeting? Hang in there and keep posting with us.
I can feel your exhaustion through your post. One of the things we learn in taking care of ourselves is that we need to bave balance. It sounds like you are not getting enough rest. For me this throws everything off and I can't function properly. Is there a way you can get some extra rest? I like what noifs2day said what if the "empty-beer-can-removal-farrie" didn't show up? Is there anything that you can stop doing right now, if only temporarily to give yourself extra rest? Or allow you to go to an Alanon meeting? Hang in there and keep posting with us.
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