Megster88

Hello all. Im a newcomer to AA. I went to a meeting last week with my significant other (he's been going for over 6 months). Ive finally decided i need to stop drinking. I haven't had a drink in 2 weeks. He's always talked to me about the program, so I'm sort of familiar with it. He also got me a big book last week. I've been trying to read when i can, i read daily meditations (just for today) and ive started in the big book. My question is, how do I get up enough courage to go to a meeting by myself? I went with him last week, i stayed completely silent, he actually told them i didnt want to speak at all. I was a nervous wreck the whole time, so it wasn't a good experience for me. The problem is, i have social anxiety disorder. So this is like a heart attack For me! I know I NEED to go to meetings to make this program work, but I just cannot find the courage. Someone help me!!!

FreeOwl

the best way to get the courage to do it?

do it.



I know how scary it can be, but once you walk through that door on your own, and realize how accepting, how understanding, how supportive those tables are - your fears will fade and be replaced by empowered confidence and the support of a community.

You can do it.

Soberwolf

Hello & Welcome Megster i understand as i was petrified too congrats on your 2 weeks btw

Mrs sw was going al anon before i went aa and with the help of a lift from a man who became my sponser him and my gf came with me to my first few mtns

I stayed silent too and listened its good to do that at first i believe i sort of soaked it up like a sponge so to speak

As for going mtns on your own id say only if you feel comfortable i started going on my own after a while after a couple mtns it was water off a ducks back

i understand though and know youl always have SR

IOAA2

Hi and welcome.
Probably the best any newcomer, after accepting they have a problem with alcohol, is to JUST LISTEN.
Perhaps in the future you may just say your first name and maybe say you’re scared.

Try to remember you’ll be among people who certainly understand.

BE WELL

Tamerua

What if you tried a women's meeting? Would that help alleviate some of the anxiety? And you don't have to talk. I've been going for almost 3 years and I say very little.

Megster88

There's a meeting today at 10, at the same place I went last time. I'm going back and forth in my mind. When I went last week, my bf told me it was for him, that he wanted me to go with him, because AA is what has saved his life. So I went. There was no way I could not support him. But now, if I go without him, it is for me. The whole hi my name is .. And I'm an alcoholic thing just seems so impossible to say. I still haven't said it to myself, even though I know it is true. My dad is also in AA, and my mom is in denial about her alcoholism. I think I may just GO! i keeptelling myself, no one can hurt me there, I can leave whenever I want , so whats the freaking problem!!!

Megster88

So I could justsay, hi, my name is megan, and Im a nervous wreck!? Lol

Megster88

[QUOTE=Tamerua;5494608]What if you tried a women's meeting? Would that help alleviate some of the anxiety? And you don't have to talk. I've been going for almost 3 years and I say very little.[/QUOT

Yes that is what id like to do. I have a schedule, there is one tonight at7:30. I'd like to go early in the day today since this is pretty much the only day ill have off work for the rest of my life lol. Maybe I'll go to both? Just submerge myself in it... Get myself used to it quicker. Idk...

ZetaP38

Hi, Megster ~

You remind me of me, except you are a step ahead. When I went to my first f2f meeting (after getting sober online for about a month), the whole entire time at the meeting, I was craving a drink. It was all I could do to sit in my seat until the end.

On the way home, I thought, "There is something *really* wrong with me! Everyone else feels *better* after going to an f2f meeting - and they make me want to drink!"

Little did I know that the isolation over the previous three years had taken me from shy to downright fearful of groups. Afraid someone would try to hug me, give me a phone number, ask me to speak, go up in front of the group and get a chip.....Fear. It wasn't until I told the online AA group my experience with the meeting that they helped me put the pieces together.

I was maybe in the online group a week or so before I identified as alcoholic. Seeing so many others do so began to take the 'sting' out of it, and hope/courage grew. And when I *did* identify as alcoholic in the online group, it made difference inside of me. Like I was no longer sitting on the sidelines, but had become committed to recovery/sobriety. I was 'all in'.

And it made going back to f2f meetings easier because now "I belonged" - they were my meetings, too.

One of the suggestions I recall from that fitful f2f beginning was to just treat people as I would anywhere else, with courtesy. That if called on to speak, say "My name is X and I pass." Unless you are in a closed meeting, there is no requirement that you be a 'committed alkie'.

My suggestion would be to go 'proactively'. Pen and paper, and write down at least one thing someone says that you *identify* with - and skip over anything that is 'not me'. Jot down questions. Don't know if it will be the case with you, but I was warned how fast new info would fly out of my mind in the beginning - and it was true for me.

It was a long time before anyone shared about being a loner drunk, but when they spoke about the 'insides', I identified plenty, and my 'outside story' came later.

Many of us found the book "Living Sober" quite helpful in the beginning. Here's an online link to see if you think it may be useful.

http://saphonemeeting.org/images/Living_Sober.pdf

All the best to you! It's a wonderful 'switch' to go from being depressed about being alcoholic, to being thrilled there is an amazing Solution.

It *does* get easier!

PJ

PurpleDan

The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. You don't have to speak or to say that you're an alcoholic.

Could you call your local helpline and see if there's someone who could meet you at the meeting, or take you there, so that you know one face/person and it's not a room full or absolute strangers?

PurpleDan

Yep, you most certainly could. I think many in the rooms of AA would understand and relate.

Alynn

I'm in the same boat but ya know what I'm going to do it. This thing wants us dead! For me I need that support. I do have a recovery class at church. It hard at first but I love it now. There's a podcast called recovered and I just heard one about first meetings this A.m It might help.

Dee74

I hope you'll find it beneficial Megster - let us know how you get on

D

blueberry2015

I went to my first aa meeting on my own last week and I was absoultely terrfied. I met the greeters and they could see how scared I was they gave me a big hug introduced me to some of ladies there they really took me under their wing to help me get through the doors. I did it. My advice is feel the fear and do it anyway. You dont have to speak if you dont want to. Im glad I did it. Good luck x

Jillian2563

I was terrified too! I went to last first meeting last Monday solo. It wasn't that bad. Then went agin then next night. It'll get better but only if you go. My spouse went with me Saturday morning but it wasn't a regular meeting (I guess, I'm still new at this lol) because the whole meeting was a woman speaker telling her story. Going again tonight solo!

CaseyW

Welcome to SR, Megster88, and to a better way of life in recovery from addiction.

Hope you'll let us know how the meeting goes. You're in my thoughts and prayers today.

Rio97

I've been to AA but I have a terrible time opening up about my struggles, even admitting publicly I'm an alcoholic. Good luck everyone

Fly N Buy

I have sometimes witnessed those who have some anxiety pushing themselves in the door excel the quickest. I believe the willingness demonstrated under these conditions is incredible.

I am very proud of you

keep coming back

Lance40

You don't need to go to group AA meetings to make the program work. That's just what the current version of the program tells you. The original AA format did not involve recurring group meetings. The steps were completed over a weekend with someone who had already gone through the program. I also have social anxiety disorder and found that meetings caused more chaos than anything. I found a sponsor who took me out of the meetings and we used a weekly 1:1 meeting format where we covered one step every 1 to 2 weeks. I've been sober 9 months so it's worked well for me.

It may be difficult for you to find a sponsor who is willing to go this route because of the established way of thinking about AA, but this could be a good solution for you.

Just to be clear, if you personally feel that you need meetings, then you should find a way to continue going. I'm just sharing my personal experience and what worked for me.

2muchpain

Now this might be bad advice but it's an idea so I'll share it. I also have social anxiety disorder. It can be very disabling and keeps you stuck.
Something I've done in some social situations is to just get involved in the situation until my anxiety is so bad, I have to leave, kinda like taking a break and re-grouping. But the trick is, I always go back and maybe stay a little longer. When I first started going to meetings, I would leave early because it would become just too overwhelming. It still happens now but very rarely. I have found ways, or tricks, in dealing with my anxiety at meetings and can now get through the meetings. It's really hard at first, but it can be done. John