kj1221

Hello

I have a daughter who is 24 and just got out of jail-she is a alcoholic-I tried to help her and have her stay at our house until she got a job and a car.


After her parole officer came, I took her places-we came home-I got on the computer-next thing she is GONE-met a "friend?" at a BAR and is staying with him. She has only called one time and it was not to say sorry or anything. My husband told her that unless she admits she was lying to him all the time she cannot come home. I feel really upset over this-but she doesn't want to help herself. I do love her though.

Lorelai

kj -
Welcome to SR. My husband is the alcoholic in my life and I know how hard it can be. There are many people on these boards who are dealing with alcoholic children and I'm sure they'll be along soon to welcome you.

I think it's great that you've reached out for help. Keep reading and posting. There
are a lot of great people here who know what you are going through.
Glad you're here -
L

rock_bottom

hey, i may be young but it sounds to me like your kid is an adult who has chosen her path. my advice would be to stay loyal by sending love whenever possible, but don't rip yourself apart over her issues. it takes some people longer to change for the better, and she may need to experience more hardships before she realizes what she's doing to herself and those that love her. i am a stubborn kid and i had to decide myself that i wanted to change. just hold on to your hope and love and i send my best wishes. you did the right thing by coming here, i am a new member and already feel at home her. good luck.

frannie

:sink Hello, you may think that your problems are unique but you are dealing with something that many of us parents are dealing with too. My daughter is an addict..almost 24...who just got our of jail. I have tried to control and protect her all her life. We were always there to bail her out. Now that she has drained our savings, most of my husbands mutual funds that were for our retirement...God has put us in a place where we cannot help bail her out. She is on her own. She does live with us...part of her probation. But we have had to let her go with the friends she chooses. All this is so fresh in my mind because she just got out of jail Monday. All that you can do for your daughter is to love her and be there to offer that love when and if she hits bottom. Do not make the mistake of wasting money trying to keep her out of trouble. We are living examples of the futility of that. I don't know why but my husband is also much less understanding or accepting than I am...but do not let your husband persuade you to cut off all ties with your daughter. Keeping an open door is what I would like to do. I may not be able to do so, but it is my goal. In the past, I would be out tracking her down and would have refused to let her go her girl friend's apartment...although it was with this friend that she totally lost control when she moved in with her 2 weeks ago. But I have learned my lesson, I hope...she must make her own way and make her own decisions, one way or the other. I told her that she must take the consequences of any behavior of hers. I told her we would not bail her out again. I told her that I trusted her to have learned her lesson and to be making an honest effort to get straightened out herself. She is the only one who can do that. Letting go is not easy. But you are doing all that you can and should do now...by letting her know that she is loved...and welcomed home if that ever be the case. My prayers and hopes are with you. Being a parent of an addict or alcoholic is one of the hardest things to be in God's kingdom. I have made a mess of it in the past by being so controlling. I feel such relief to know that I am not responsible for her misdeeds. She has to pay her own piper. This board is a great help to me and has been since I started coming her earlier in the year when my daughter got her DUI. The people are very knowledgeable and kind and supportive in a manner I have never known. I guess it is because we are all in similar leaky boats. Just hold on and try to think positive thoughts about your daughtet...being angry with her is not productive for you. Good luck and keep us informed of what is going on.

Sandy Marie

"Hi Mom,
I know you love me, but I don't want your help."

These are horrible words that no parent wants to hear...but yet we hear them over and over throughout the centuries. I think 16yo RockBottom's reply has merit. Give your daughter your love...but hold on loosely...she has to make her own mistakes.

Magichappens

((kj))
Finding support for yourself is a big step. I know I couldn't let go all by myself. I need lots of people who understand to help me. You are reaching out. You are going to be able to find more strength within yourself than you ever knew was there. Have you checked out any Al-Anon meetings? Just another source of strength and healing I have found. Hugs, Magic

Floraineed

Know, I feel for you and totally understand the depths of despair you may be going through. Similarly I have a 30 year old daughter who lives in another country, has a 1 year old daughter, is in a bitter custody battle with her ex who is a substance abuser and she is an alcoholic. She did really well going through a 3 week program in a great facility but relapsed soon after she was discharged because she is still so hung up on the father of her child. We have spent a fortune on her recovery and legal battles to try to get the custody sorted out, paying for her existence without a job and trying the best we can to get her on track and move to the city where her father lives and can give her the support she needs. Sadly once this disease has its grip on you, it's so hard to egg away from it! I am watching my daughter self implode but the saddest part is knowing that my Grandaughter is going through all of the drama with her. All I can say is hang in there, keep in touch with people who understand your situation and can lend you support and pray like mad! I adore my daughter and Grandaughter and am praying and hoping for a permanently positive outcome to our issues. I will certainly include you and your daughter in my prayers! God Bless😹xx