Upwardspiral

I'm only 13 days sober this go round, I've never made it past 5 weeks in the past but in previous attempts I have held onto hope that I could begin moderating after a break. I now know this is not true for me. I am building my plan each day to live the rest of my life free of alcohol.
I am hesitant to celebrate too much too soon. I decided to wait until 6 weeks to start a blog, but I want to create a thread for myself to look at in trying times. I simply want to list some of the terrible things I've done to myself while drunk, lest I forget the toll of that first drink. I hope this isn't inappropriate to share.
Just a few perhaps, ones that I still feel or see the effects of every day.

Badly broken collar bone during drunken "kung fu" match, required surgery and a titanium plate.

Black eye, mild concussion and bruise the size of a dinner plate on my hip crashing my road bicycle. Still have a hematoma there two years later.

Separated shoulder crashing my road bike- now I can't lie on either side for more than 5 minute before the pain nags me.

Scars from colliding with rusty nails, tattoos self administered with a razor and India ink, brown spots on my face, permanently broken friendships, wasted money, so much money.

I used to ride my motorcycle drunk.
I got pulled over for speeding in my car once with a coffee cup full of beer in the cupholder and an open tin of altoids in my lap. I didn't even get a speeding warning, I'm just a sweet country girl, right? I kept drinking behind the wheel for 3 months.
I can't believe I'm alive and free.

Tooshabby

It's incredible, isn't it? I've often thought if there are such things as guardian angels my one must be shaking his or her head in a panic asking "God, what's she going to do next?!" You're obviously here for a reason :-)

Great idea to start a thread, Upwards. Look forward to popping in and seeing how you are going :-)

PurpleKnight

Day 13 is fantastic!! Keep pushing through, you can do this!!

Soberwolf

13 days is a awesome milestone

NestWasEmpty

Very nice job with 13 days !! That's a great idea to log or post your reasons . There is another place you can besides your blog scroll down to forum jump , look for " Where were you" you can have that too to look back on
Gives you kind of strength to keep going , when your AV starts asking questions . Op this little superman should be going forward LOL

Upwardspiral

Thanks Nest was empty, and thanks everyone for so much support and sharing.

Upwardspiral

It was good to rehash some painful memories brought by alcohol. They visit me while I'm trying to sleep, I see them every where I go in this little town. The drink has been a companion in most of my memories of the last 10 years, and there was a time when I made some really beautiful memories with it by my side in a much more subdued role. Now, however, I question all those moments. Was I already dependent then? Would I have done half those things had I not had my security blanket by my side?
Well it doesn't matter now, because it will no longer be a factor in anything I do. I see the merit in other people here opining that it is unproductive to relive the drunk memories, the failures; and rather one should live in the hopeful present and future.
I don't have a clue what's next in my life as a whole, but I want to work on my sobriety plan every day. If I keep letting the drink derail my journey of self discovery I will never move forward, and that simply will not do.

CaseyW

Becoming accountable to myself and others by posting honestly on these forums about the highs and lows of my life (past and present) has been a cornerstone of my recovery so far. Wishing you the best today, Upwardspiral. Congrats on 13 days! (By the way, it's not "only" 13 days. One day sober is a great job for addicts like us.)

saoutchik

Congratulations on 13 days upwards pirate

The bad memories always overwhelm the good ones in the end don't they