exwell66

for those that don't know my story been at the lowest of lows found my way out of it with rehabs.Was 90 days sober fouled up with a vacation planned to mess up.That was aprox a month ago got back into a routine have had a few.This is the out of the box thinking that will ruffle feathers.In aa they say you are damaged goods and will be like that until you die,,,so meetings for the rest of your life right.I say that is such a closed minded thinking,,,putting everyone into the same mindset...really.Is it possible we are made up of a different mindset and cant all be lumped into the same bracket of what happened to so and so in the past.I have had drinks I know I am going to hear well just wait the end is near.....no I am not going back to the severe depression I was in ......I love where I am...Have no desire to go back.....Going to the hamptons tomm with the fam fishing and dinner.....in the past that would mean drinking anyway I possibly copuld not an issue...not interested...canyon fishing trips did a few in the past had to bring the boozzz...did a few not an issue none...I like being sober ...but if I have a few here and there I think I am ok,,,,so far.......Again I want to hear thoughts but that's the truth and where I am now

Dee74

I think you've got a rather skewed version of what AA means, but it's not mandatory to do AA to recover anyway, so the point is moot....

I really hope the drinking now and then thing works out for you - it never did for me - not for long.

Just curious has it ever worked for you before?

In any case, we'll be here if you need us

MIRecovery

If I could drink a couple for the rest of my life I wouldn't be an alcoholic and find it therapeutic to post on a sobriety website.

Unfortunately I am an alcoholic and chased normal drinking for 20 years only to find pain,suffering, and almost death

Hevyn

I'm glad you posted, ex.

My recovery hasn't included AA, but I have over 7 yrs. sober. I got here by giving up the idea that I had any control once that first drink hit my system. I tried for decades to avoid that simple truth. Please be careful - and as Dee said, we're always going to be around if you need us.

PurpleKnight

I don't attend AA, so your opinion on it isn't really that important from my point of view.

Have you read back over your old posts? because the fairytale of having a few now and again doesn't sit well with many of them, it reads like a car crash waiting to happen, and for me when the same warning lights were flashing abstinence was the only way forward!!

We all have to follow our own journey, but be mindful that what we think or feel like, may only be our addiction doing the talking!!

The quicker I stopped trusting my own mind in isolation and started to listen to those outside of myself I gained a real insight into the task at hand and the journey I needed to follow!!

dwtbd

I didn't use AA either, but as far as future drinking is concerned I do believe I am damaged goods. Most times I drank I'd get drunk. Sometimes I'd stop drinking for awhile and the start with a few here and there, but always ended up back to drinking to get drunk. For me a few here and there would mostly likely eventually lead me to being Ina position to rehab. Alcohol consumption is a real b@tch for some, can you honestly say it's not for you? Is really worth the risks? I don't mean for you to answer me, but no bs , deep down self honesty do you You really believe it?

ScottFromWI

I'd also suggest not worrying about the specifics of AA. You asked for thoughts, so I'd ask you this: What makes you think you can casually return to drinking "a few now and then"? Have you ever actually read any of your other recent posts here? Try this one to get started. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...stay-away.html

And this one too...you were drinking vodka by the half gallon just a week ago http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ing-drink.html

four812

I hope you do well. I really do. But that you even have the need to talk about it indicates your not settled with what your doing. But whatever you do I hope you do well!

leviathan

It goes just fine with me. Speaking personally though, after all the crap I went through, after all I gained...I ask myself WHY? Why would I want just a couple here and there? What's so compelling about that? I don't think people view lemonade like this.

If it's no big deal, then I'll just go without! -Now, why does it feel like I won a prize against the odds?

strategery

One of the things that I found in early sobriety, was that if I picked up, it started that entire cycle of cravings all over again. It was exhausting and I found very quickly that I didn't want to be in that cycle anymore. I hope you reach the same conclusion.

Grungehead

Have you ever even been to an AA meeting?

Are you drinking tonight when you typed this message?

Sincere questions...

Jillian2563

Not to sound rude, but why are you here then?

Ruby2

I dunno, exwell. Were you drinking when you typed all this? That's what it reads like to me. It sounds like something I would have written after a few drinks, back when I was trying to convince myself that I didn't have a problem. Justifying to myself that I could have a few and could take it or leave it.

I can't take it. I'm a hard core drunk when I get started. But, If you're loving where you're at and can have a drink or two every now and again, why seek input? Why not just drink?

I go to AA but primarily use SR for support and really, the question you're asking goes beyond AA. What I have found is that we are not all the same people but the trajectories our drinking took, and our feelings or guilt, self pity, exhaustion, poor decision making, are all pretty darn similar so that I can identify with most everyone on here. You aren't asking a question that a hundred of us haven't already asked ourselves. That's why you'll get the replies you get.

Stay safe.

NestWasEmpty

ex , I'm trying to figure out who's writing these posts . You or your AV ?
Until you figure that out , than you can make a plan . To how you can have a Happy life drinking or not .
Good luck !

exwell66

I like the feedback and n I am not drinking now and I singled out aa but any program ...I went to passages 2x they are the polar opposite of aa...to a point...I ant to hear the harshest thoughts because this is my life and I value I hear here.The reason I am here is like all others to be happy in life and with our addiction this is a place where I can be honest and hear from people that have walked and crawled where I have .If I could drink a couple for the rest of my life I wouldn't be an alcoholic and find it therapeutic to post on a sobriety website.I am an alcoholic and find it a release to post here like it or not.......As far as the path im going down I agree its fked up I am probably fooling myself...I am just telling you where I am that's it and looking for feedback ......In my mind I think buying a pint is ok I picture that in my mind and then a quart and say no way...I know where this is going im not a stupid person...actually buying a summer home next week I look at it like I have seen death don't want to see it again,,,,is it possible that I don't go back there with only having a few from time to time or is it a foregone conclusion that I am doomed and we all fall into the same schedule.....I look at things very differently after the physican and emotional **** I have been thru........I can say I am a different person....thoughts ,,,don't hold back...again I am not drinking now

Dee74

All I can tell you is everytime I tried to be a normal drinker I'd go ok for a while but then things would slide back to where they used to be.

what about being completely sober scares you, ex?

D

exwell66

ruby the reason I am seeking input Is because I am scared to death....am I fooling myself probably.

DoubleBarrel

You know that you aren't really on a successful path saying things like, I can have a few once in a while.

People who can don't post it on sites like this after being in rehab or meetings.

Just one guys opinion.

exwell66

it dosnt scare me just seem to be sliding backwards and I know it dee

esinger

I thought I could do what you are attempting and then really screwed up. I'm not saying that's what's going to happen to you and I hope it works out for you. I hope you proceed with extreme caution though and if you start slipping downward get out before you get buried in $#it.
I'm not saying that you should live your life in fear. I'm not a fan of
the "damaged goods" life sentence either. Just remember where you came from.

Be well.