Hi SoberRecovery... Again....
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Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 3
Hi SoberRecovery... Again....
Technically, this is not my first post. I made one almost exactly 2 years ago. Then, I had broken up with my bf of 1 year, and he had gone to FL to rehab. I felt so alone at the time. I had distanced myself from my friends and family, so when we broke up, they thought I just wasn't dealing with the breakup very well. I was alone, writing in the dark, reaching out to someone for help and almost immediately someone reached back. It felt good that someone out there could relate. But I still felt ashamed and pathetic for asking for help and I quickly deleted the account.
2 years later Im here, in the same situation, only this time a little worse. After 2 months of rehab, he reached out to me and asked that we start talking. Reluctantly, I did. 3 months later he moved back.
Sometimes I feel like i forgive too quickly. Its easier to live in ignorant bliss if only for a moment, than take a step back and analyze a situation rationally. Its so much harder when drugs are thrown in the mix. We moved in together.
We have been together for 3 years now. And I am sitting in my bed feeling just as alone as I did back then. We are breaking up, but only after he stole the last of my money, and put me in debt by paying for his mistakes. I feel so ashamed for allowing this to re enter my life. So ashamed I didnt walk away sooner. Its hard to place my feelings, or blame. Because on one side, his addiction has gotten so bad, he just isn't himself. And on the other side, he is still consciously making decisions that not only hurt me and his family, but his health and himself.
He repeated his mistakes and so did I. Im left nursing a wound, and when I look around I cant look to him and take solace that we are in this together anymore, because Im leaving. Ill deal with it again, and this time Ill learn.
2 years later Im here, in the same situation, only this time a little worse. After 2 months of rehab, he reached out to me and asked that we start talking. Reluctantly, I did. 3 months later he moved back.
Sometimes I feel like i forgive too quickly. Its easier to live in ignorant bliss if only for a moment, than take a step back and analyze a situation rationally. Its so much harder when drugs are thrown in the mix. We moved in together.
We have been together for 3 years now. And I am sitting in my bed feeling just as alone as I did back then. We are breaking up, but only after he stole the last of my money, and put me in debt by paying for his mistakes. I feel so ashamed for allowing this to re enter my life. So ashamed I didnt walk away sooner. Its hard to place my feelings, or blame. Because on one side, his addiction has gotten so bad, he just isn't himself. And on the other side, he is still consciously making decisions that not only hurt me and his family, but his health and himself.
He repeated his mistakes and so did I. Im left nursing a wound, and when I look around I cant look to him and take solace that we are in this together anymore, because Im leaving. Ill deal with it again, and this time Ill learn.
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