JerryFish

Half an hour ago I got a craving like never before. My defenses were down. For some reason I was feeling very depressed. I thought: "F--- it, I don't care anymore." Bought beer and am drinking the first can.

I feel like I let you all down. I'm not just saying that, I really feel that way. I was thinking about this forum when I was walking to the grocery store and it did make it more difficult to do it. "Just lie about it" something told me. But no, I can't do that. That's not who I am. It was the AV.

Today was four weeks. Well, I know I can do four weeks. I just need to adjust what caused it to go wrong and move on.

Dammit.

jt1234

Pick yourself up and start over. Cant dwell on it

LBrain

It usually works better if you post BEFORE you drink, not after.

biminiblue

Did you just buy one? If you bought more, now is the time to man-up and throw away the rest of them.

You rebelled, now back at it!!

RDBplus3

What kept going wrong for me was that damned Mental Obsession to drink that at times would be like Automatic Behavior (unable to have a defense against that 1st drink). Then when I did drink, it was like Russian Roulette ... I could not predict when I would stop drinking ... and when I could CONTROL it, it was NOT fun.

After repeated bouts of drinking (after I thought 'I' had it under control) 2 terms always haunted me ... Pitiful & Incomprehensible Demoralization ... and ... Spiritual Malady.

RDBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous and FREE ... and I KNOW U can be 2

Soberwolf

if you can pour any remaining away nows the time to do it

NestWasEmpty

I'm with biminiblue , Get rid of the rest !! Make some coffee eat something , one little trip & fall you can come back from . Don't let it go any farther ...

blueberry2015

See it as a blip. Throw the rest away hun, being in control of doing that is way more powerful than drinking the rest. I hope you find the strength to do that. Dust your self down and pick yourself up... don't allow addiction to take control of you.... you need to take control of it. If it all goes pear shaped....(and i hope it doesnt) tomorrow is another day... another day to start again. Come on matey your stronger than this you already KNOW your stronger than this.... pour it down the sink. Sending you blessings x

Jsober

Now that you told on your AV take action and dump the rest. Sounds like a minor slip do not make it major. Start fresh with new conviction!

blueberry2015

Let us know how you get on x

doggonecarl

Yesterday you posted about a party you had, with lots of beer. Didn't have a urge to drink.

Today you drank.

Any chance the two were connected?

Anna

That was exactly what I did. I had to accept I couldn't be around alcohol for quite some time.

JerryFish

I am reading your replies and am grateful. I will also honor my dedication to honesty and tell you that even though I want to, I don't see myself quitting this drinking session until I go to bed.

Also, my tolerance is not as it used to be (good sign though). Which means I'm getting drunk fast. Which is the moment I stop all internet activity to prevent the "Oh ****!" moment in the morning.

I will get back up. I will solve this. It will be fine. I will solve this and get to total sobriety.

Scram

That sucks, sorry Jerry.

The only thing I can add is this. Does this slip/relapse become a self defeating event, and lead to the forum not seeing much of you anymore, if at all? Because sadly that happens a lot.

Or is it something that you have to learn from, and come back with a greater respect for the power of this disease and a greater resolve to beat it? There is a lot of "success" stories on this board, and it's not uncommon for those success stories to make reference to a couple of relapses/slips in early sobriety.

ItWillBeWorthIt

Remember to play the tape through... if you continue what will be the result of your drinking Jerry. That should be enough to get rid of the rest of the beer, if you bought more than one,which i imagine you did.

gettingsmarter

Get rid of the rest man.

doggonecarl

I quit for 4 months I think, back in 2000. Picked up a beer one night...put it down ten years later.

Good luck.

ScottFromWI

Why not honor your dedication to sobriety instead and dump out what you have left. Your ADDICTION "sees" you drinking all day and starting over tomorrow. Your common sense and your best judgement should tell you that it's a load of bullsh**t. Dump it out and stick around here, you'll be much happier you did in the morning.

2muchpain

I understand why it's so hard to dump the rest when you have already started, but if your anything like me, the first thing your going to think about when you get up tomorrow is hitting that liquor store again. Better off dumping what you have left. Increases the chances you won't make another visit to the store. John

biminiblue

Well, sounds like we will see you tomorrow with your shame and regret hangover thread.

I'm sorry you didn't take our advice to dump it.

Please eat something and drink a lot of water before you go to bed - and don't drive!!

We care about you and will be here when you're ready.