I don't know what to do. HELP!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 1
I don't know what to do. HELP! I have no idea what else I can do. ( Will be changing names to protect my identity. This is a long story so I will say who is who before I start. )
Luke: Ex Husband
Sara: Ex Mother-Law
Haley: Ex Husbands and My Daughter, she is 3.
Kelly: Ex Bestfriend.
I just got divorced at age 20. I was in a relationship with Luke for LOT of years. He is 24.
We recently got Divorced after I found out he had Cheated Multiple Times. I moved Across the Country for him and his work, with our Child. I left school, because I was told he would Help me with my HIGHSCHOOL Diploma. ( BIG MISTAKE) I moved to ****** with our daughter and soon enough I became a hermet. I was not allowed to drive the Car, he checked the Miles any time he left to make sure I didn't. I had No friends, No Family, No Job. No money of my own. I was Verbally Abused.
Months Later, I made friends. I had a Best friend named Kelly. She was married with 1 child. Well, of course i was blind to Notice, My ex husband and her where messing around behind my back. He said he did Cocaine and blamed it on that. I of course did not care what so ever, I got divorce Papers the next Day. He refused Counseling. He begged me not to tell him Work about the drugs, and cheating. He would have gotten Fired. I have to big of a heart, so i didn't. I just wanted out, i didnt and still do not want his money, I just want to go home.
He is a raging Alcoholic, he is a ****** father, he drinks and Drive Smokes Pot, and god knows what else.... I only say that because he asked me for my Urine. I should have called his work then but i did it anyways. I told him it was the last time i ever help him. We divorced, and he promised he would get his act together to take care of our Child when he has Custody. HE SWORE HE WOULD.
10 months later, he is worse.
I am dumb, i admit for letting it get this far. he said he is Doing AA, but he still drinks and drives.
He blames me that he cant be a good day, saying i get in the way. I try not to and if i do its because he makes her Cry, and i wont ignore my crying Child.
The other day, I left the house with a friend. He took our Daughter i have no idea where, after he has a 24OZ beer then took off. I know because i found it in the trash. I texted him to get home Immediately.
When he returned he has ANOTHER BOTTLE, not sure what it was, but it was half gone....... I SCREAMED AT HIM, and said i will take our daughter from him..... which will be hard for me. ( MY ALCOHOLIC FATHER, but amazing father passed away 4 years ago, and my ex Doesn't know his real father ) So taking Our child from him is Hard.
I threatened to get full custody and he doesn't change. He Continues to blame me and so does Sara. I try to tell his mother what her son has become but she continues to blame me, saying in lying, or the divorce is hard on him, even though we are here because of him....
I want to, and am going to try for full custody. I just know, his MOTHER will fight me. I am about to start my life on my own for the first time. My family does not have a lot of Money. I am afraid i will loose her, somehow. I have been with her everyday since she was born. I taught her everything she knows.
He cant even simply make her food,......
not to Mention he does Steroids.
HE IS NOT THE MAD I FELL IN LOVE WITH.
I am a horrible writer, i apologize but i need to write this fast.
HE IS SMART, he will not text anything proving he does something.
I can not record conversations because you now have to tell the other person you are recording. He will NOT SPEAK.
He knows what hes doing.
How do i get my daughter only in my Custody.....I HAVE NO PROOF, he has NO DUI's, NO tickets.
Do i call his work once im home and out of the state? How much is a Lawyer in the state of Oregon.
PLEASE HELP! I NEED TO KEEP MY DAUGHTER SAFE!
Luke: Ex Husband
Sara: Ex Mother-Law
Haley: Ex Husbands and My Daughter, she is 3.
Kelly: Ex Bestfriend.
I just got divorced at age 20. I was in a relationship with Luke for LOT of years. He is 24.
We recently got Divorced after I found out he had Cheated Multiple Times. I moved Across the Country for him and his work, with our Child. I left school, because I was told he would Help me with my HIGHSCHOOL Diploma. ( BIG MISTAKE) I moved to ****** with our daughter and soon enough I became a hermet. I was not allowed to drive the Car, he checked the Miles any time he left to make sure I didn't. I had No friends, No Family, No Job. No money of my own. I was Verbally Abused.
Months Later, I made friends. I had a Best friend named Kelly. She was married with 1 child. Well, of course i was blind to Notice, My ex husband and her where messing around behind my back. He said he did Cocaine and blamed it on that. I of course did not care what so ever, I got divorce Papers the next Day. He refused Counseling. He begged me not to tell him Work about the drugs, and cheating. He would have gotten Fired. I have to big of a heart, so i didn't. I just wanted out, i didnt and still do not want his money, I just want to go home.
He is a raging Alcoholic, he is a ****** father, he drinks and Drive Smokes Pot, and god knows what else.... I only say that because he asked me for my Urine. I should have called his work then but i did it anyways. I told him it was the last time i ever help him. We divorced, and he promised he would get his act together to take care of our Child when he has Custody. HE SWORE HE WOULD.
10 months later, he is worse.
I am dumb, i admit for letting it get this far. he said he is Doing AA, but he still drinks and drives.
He blames me that he cant be a good day, saying i get in the way. I try not to and if i do its because he makes her Cry, and i wont ignore my crying Child.
The other day, I left the house with a friend. He took our Daughter i have no idea where, after he has a 24OZ beer then took off. I know because i found it in the trash. I texted him to get home Immediately.
When he returned he has ANOTHER BOTTLE, not sure what it was, but it was half gone....... I SCREAMED AT HIM, and said i will take our daughter from him..... which will be hard for me. ( MY ALCOHOLIC FATHER, but amazing father passed away 4 years ago, and my ex Doesn't know his real father ) So taking Our child from him is Hard.
I threatened to get full custody and he doesn't change. He Continues to blame me and so does Sara. I try to tell his mother what her son has become but she continues to blame me, saying in lying, or the divorce is hard on him, even though we are here because of him....
I want to, and am going to try for full custody. I just know, his MOTHER will fight me. I am about to start my life on my own for the first time. My family does not have a lot of Money. I am afraid i will loose her, somehow. I have been with her everyday since she was born. I taught her everything she knows.
He cant even simply make her food,......
not to Mention he does Steroids.
HE IS NOT THE MAD I FELL IN LOVE WITH.
I am a horrible writer, i apologize but i need to write this fast.
HE IS SMART, he will not text anything proving he does something.
I can not record conversations because you now have to tell the other person you are recording. He will NOT SPEAK.
He knows what hes doing.
How do i get my daughter only in my Custody.....I HAVE NO PROOF, he has NO DUI's, NO tickets.
Do i call his work once im home and out of the state? How much is a Lawyer in the state of Oregon.
PLEASE HELP! I NEED TO KEEP MY DAUGHTER SAFE!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,355
Hi Mamambearmarie - I'm a guy,. not a parent and I don't live in the US so I haven't much in the way of experience to share.
I know you'll find a lot of support here tho and some good ideas.
There are some really great links, and more support, in our Family and Friends forums too.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...out-abuse.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...how-leave.html
with regards to legal advice you could start here:
Services - Legal Aid Services of Oregon
I'm glad you've joined us
D
I know you'll find a lot of support here tho and some good ideas.
There are some really great links, and more support, in our Family and Friends forums too.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...out-abuse.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...how-leave.html
with regards to legal advice you could start here:
Services - Legal Aid Services of Oregon
I'm glad you've joined us
D
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 397
Hi Marie. I'm no expert, but I would make finding a lawyer a top priority. They are experienced in this and can guide you through the process. Having someone have your back, which it sounds like you need, should help a lot.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 263
First of all, let me say that I really feel for you. It's a terrible situation. That doesn't mean there isn't a solution though.
Ok. Before I say the following, please note that I do not mean it as it could come across. I mean it very well and say it with a good reason. I'll explain exactly why after it.
What I want to say is: your story sounds like a story you would see on Dr. Phil.
Why do I say that? I like Dr. Phil. He is a good therapist. And there are two things from that show that come to mind:
1) Your child comes first. Absolutely, 100%, as you have said as well. That is the most important part of the situation.
2) I mentioned Dr. Phil and him being a good therapist, because... you need help with this. A good counselor who specializes in these type of situations.
You really need to do that. Find the best counselor that you can find and really get to work solving this situation. It can be done.
Best of luck and keep us updated!
Ok. Before I say the following, please note that I do not mean it as it could come across. I mean it very well and say it with a good reason. I'll explain exactly why after it.
What I want to say is: your story sounds like a story you would see on Dr. Phil.
Why do I say that? I like Dr. Phil. He is a good therapist. And there are two things from that show that come to mind:
1) Your child comes first. Absolutely, 100%, as you have said as well. That is the most important part of the situation.
2) I mentioned Dr. Phil and him being a good therapist, because... you need help with this. A good counselor who specializes in these type of situations.
You really need to do that. Find the best counselor that you can find and really get to work solving this situation. It can be done.
Best of luck and keep us updated!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi.
I’m sorry about your situation and certainly agree with the above suggestions. Taking care of your child and yourself are number one priorities.
I strongly suggest attending a lot of Al Anon meetings in your area for face to face support, even if you don’t want to.
I’m tough and tell it the way it is after seeing many years of dysfunction.
BE WELL
I’m sorry about your situation and certainly agree with the above suggestions. Taking care of your child and yourself are number one priorities.
I strongly suggest attending a lot of Al Anon meetings in your area for face to face support, even if you don’t want to.
I’m tough and tell it the way it is after seeing many years of dysfunction.
BE WELL
aka Nesty
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Northern Vt.
Posts: 1,554
Mamabear , I suggest for you to get answers about custody of your daughter is to write down the things you want answered first . A lot of lawyers will do a 1 free consultation . You can call a some that will help to get you started .
I'm sure if you read treads hear , it will also give you more things to consider . Without your help with his urine test, he would of been fired with stuff showing . You can bring that up , but if he's that abusive . I wouldn't do that unless you have some kind of help to stay safe !!
I'm sure if you read treads hear , it will also give you more things to consider . Without your help with his urine test, he would of been fired with stuff showing . You can bring that up , but if he's that abusive . I wouldn't do that unless you have some kind of help to stay safe !!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Weed out all the extra exes in what you wrote and focus on what's important. Making sure your daughter is safe and cared for and that you are safe and cared for. Who cares what his mother says. You don't have to prove you're right to her. Doesn't matter. I got too hung up on being right than on doing what is right.
Many states and cities have low or no cost legal aid. Google for information or call your States bar association to ask for resources. Most states require attorneys to do some volunteer legal work or they can point you to an agency.
Don't call his work. What would that get you? Not much as I'm sure he has some cover story lined up about the crazy lady.
I know it's hard but you can do this. Post here and on family and friends forum for support and ideas.
Welcome to SR.
Many states and cities have low or no cost legal aid. Google for information or call your States bar association to ask for resources. Most states require attorneys to do some volunteer legal work or they can point you to an agency.
Don't call his work. What would that get you? Not much as I'm sure he has some cover story lined up about the crazy lady.
I know it's hard but you can do this. Post here and on family and friends forum for support and ideas.
Welcome to SR.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi Marie, although your AH is cunning, he's also arrogant and careless so if you are very diligent, you should be able to put together some evidence about the way he's behaving. Start by keeping a diary of everything to do with him, whether your daughter's involved or not. Dates and times are important if you're going to say he did this or that. The beer can incident for instance. You can write down the date time and what happened, and keep the beer can with his fingerprints all over it. Any old texts or emails, credit card statements, anything that proves you're not making stuff up.
If you think he's driving with your daughter on board, call the police and ask them to pull him over. If the opportunity comes where you know he is working under the influence, you could tell them if you think it would help.
Through all this process seek legal advice, and keep what you're doing very quiet. Let him think you've calmed down.
If you think he's driving with your daughter on board, call the police and ask them to pull him over. If the opportunity comes where you know he is working under the influence, you could tell them if you think it would help.
Through all this process seek legal advice, and keep what you're doing very quiet. Let him think you've calmed down.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Welcome Marie. I would get a lawyer first. You can do this without anyone knowing and they will give you the best advise on what to do.
Your daughter's safety comes first with everything else a very distant second.
You'll find a ton of support here.
Welcome
Your daughter's safety comes first with everything else a very distant second.
You'll find a ton of support here.
Welcome
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,366
I've been where you are and was able to get out. The first thing I did, was while my ex was at work, packed al my stuff and called my sister in another state who came and picked us up - it was funny b/c as we were leaving town, we passed by my ex who at the time didn't know where I was going - another state.
I got a lawyer. But if you move to another state, you have to find a lawyer in the state you just move from- well I least I did. We weren't divorced yet so maybe that's why I dunno. After three years fighting, I finally got the divorce final and full custody.
Counseling will help as well. They can also guide you in the right direction.
Another thing, don't be afraid to leave. He might say things like your kidnapping her, but unless there is a court order stating one of you has custody over the other, either one of you can take her anywhere. So be aware of that for him as well, he could do the same.
I hope the best for you. It's a horrible place to be in. But you need to a get away first - he sounds very controlling.
The last straw for me was when I found a needle and water bottle on a bookshelf in the reach of my 1 year old.....
I got a lawyer. But if you move to another state, you have to find a lawyer in the state you just move from- well I least I did. We weren't divorced yet so maybe that's why I dunno. After three years fighting, I finally got the divorce final and full custody.
Counseling will help as well. They can also guide you in the right direction.
Another thing, don't be afraid to leave. He might say things like your kidnapping her, but unless there is a court order stating one of you has custody over the other, either one of you can take her anywhere. So be aware of that for him as well, he could do the same.
I hope the best for you. It's a horrible place to be in. But you need to a get away first - he sounds very controlling.
The last straw for me was when I found a needle and water bottle on a bookshelf in the reach of my 1 year old.....
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,460
I'm sorry for the situation you are in and that your daughter is at risk.
As others have said, please contact a lawyer as soon as possible to find out what you can do about this situation.
As others have said, please contact a lawyer as soon as possible to find out what you can do about this situation.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: milwaukee wi
Posts: 3,574
not sure if this will help.. or if I can post but here is some good help from the net.. and go to a church.. talk to the pastor.. they may have information that will help you even more...
WomensLaw.org | Oregon: State Custody Information
WomensLaw.org | Home › Know the Laws › Oregon
Dec 15, 2014 - Below are some facts about custody laws in Oregon and links to ... age 16 under Oregon law or under similar laws in another state, and the ...
Child Custody and Relocation Laws in Oregon | DivorceNet ...
Child Custody and Relocation Laws in Oregon | DivorceNet.com
Overview of Child Custody Laws in Oregon: Physical, Legal, Sole and Joint Custody .... Click here for the Oregon State Courts' website, which provides useful ...
Feibleman Case Attorneys at Law - Family Law, Divorce ...
Feibleman Case Attorneys at Law - Family Law, Divorce, Estate Planning, Personal Injury, Alternative Dispute Resolution attorneys / lawyers in Oregon - Frequently Asked Questions about Children, Custody, and Parenting Time:
Frequently Asked Questions about Children, Custody, and Parenting Time: ... It is the policy of this state to assure minor children of frequent and continuing ... Oregon law lists various factors which are to be considered by a judge such as:.
Oregon Child Custody Laws - Our Family Wizard
https://www.ourfamilywizard.com/.../oregon-child-cust...
OurFamilyWizard
Aug 2, 2011 - The state of Oregon has numerous child custody laws that are used to help determine what is in the best interest of the child in each situation.
WomensLaw.org | Oregon: State Custody Information
WomensLaw.org | Home › Know the Laws › Oregon
Dec 15, 2014 - Below are some facts about custody laws in Oregon and links to ... age 16 under Oregon law or under similar laws in another state, and the ...
Child Custody and Relocation Laws in Oregon | DivorceNet ...
Child Custody and Relocation Laws in Oregon | DivorceNet.com
Overview of Child Custody Laws in Oregon: Physical, Legal, Sole and Joint Custody .... Click here for the Oregon State Courts' website, which provides useful ...
Feibleman Case Attorneys at Law - Family Law, Divorce ...
Feibleman Case Attorneys at Law - Family Law, Divorce, Estate Planning, Personal Injury, Alternative Dispute Resolution attorneys / lawyers in Oregon - Frequently Asked Questions about Children, Custody, and Parenting Time:
Frequently Asked Questions about Children, Custody, and Parenting Time: ... It is the policy of this state to assure minor children of frequent and continuing ... Oregon law lists various factors which are to be considered by a judge such as:.
Oregon Child Custody Laws - Our Family Wizard
https://www.ourfamilywizard.com/.../oregon-child-cust...
OurFamilyWizard
Aug 2, 2011 - The state of Oregon has numerous child custody laws that are used to help determine what is in the best interest of the child in each situation.
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