So very stressed
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,423
So very stressed
Following on from my earlier thread I had contact from the court saying they had to serve papers to me. I went in first thing this morning to pick them up & found they had given me 3 days to file defence, very hard to do when you have kids in your care & loads of sports. I learnt that XH had applied to enforce the parenting order & have the police uplift the children. This was declined, phew, just as well. Lawyer for child was appointed & given 5 days to respond so the kids were going to be dragged back through the courts yet again.
Lawyer for child rang me & under extreme stress I cried my way through my explaination claiming my innocence. She is really nice & pretty sure she heard my muffled cry for help. She said it sounded like a misunderstanding (which it is with severe action taken). She didn't have a copy of the order in front of her but she said she would ring XH & get back to me. She told me not to waste my time filing a defence if it is a misunderstanding.
She rung back & advised she would like to set up a meeting with her, XH & me to go through everything & the calendar. Although I had child eye appointments & various other commitments I have changed them all to make this meeting.
So now I have to sit in a room with this man & hear someone else explain it to him & then he will listen (no different from me explaining only he refuses to listen to me). She suggested I bring my colour coded calendar with me.
So much stress. I have been trying to hold down my job, file defences & take calls from lawyer for child. And all for what? A misunderstanding.
XH has toyed with children over this. It is not fair on them or me.
So I will go to the meeting & I will get this resolved & I will be the one that is right but I had to go through a whole lot of stress & the children had to suffer as a result.
I am so mad.
Wish me luck.
Lawyer for child rang me & under extreme stress I cried my way through my explaination claiming my innocence. She is really nice & pretty sure she heard my muffled cry for help. She said it sounded like a misunderstanding (which it is with severe action taken). She didn't have a copy of the order in front of her but she said she would ring XH & get back to me. She told me not to waste my time filing a defence if it is a misunderstanding.
She rung back & advised she would like to set up a meeting with her, XH & me to go through everything & the calendar. Although I had child eye appointments & various other commitments I have changed them all to make this meeting.
So now I have to sit in a room with this man & hear someone else explain it to him & then he will listen (no different from me explaining only he refuses to listen to me). She suggested I bring my colour coded calendar with me.
So much stress. I have been trying to hold down my job, file defences & take calls from lawyer for child. And all for what? A misunderstanding.
XH has toyed with children over this. It is not fair on them or me.
So I will go to the meeting & I will get this resolved & I will be the one that is right but I had to go through a whole lot of stress & the children had to suffer as a result.
I am so mad.
Wish me luck.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Rosie.....what a narcissist is willing to do to hurt other people, without empathy, is just beyond words.
You must be very strong to walk this road the way you have.....
Wow.
dandylion
LUCK....luck....luck....
You must be very strong to walk this road the way you have.....
Wow.
dandylion
LUCK....luck....luck....
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Rosie, it's almost always possible to get a short extension of time to file a response. If you feel you don't have enough time, given your commitments, to file a proper response, call the court and see if you can get another week or so.
Of course, you might prefer to just get it over with--just thought it might help if you feel you need more time.
Hugs, it will be OK.
Of course, you might prefer to just get it over with--just thought it might help if you feel you need more time.
Hugs, it will be OK.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Rosie, just sending my best wishes. It's such a stressful time for you, but I really hope all becomes clear at the meeting.
I don't know if it's relevant to mention the stress this is causing, and multiple commitments you have to fulfil, but it seems the court should know how your EXAH is wasting everyone's time. 'Misunderstanding', right.
I don't know if it's relevant to mention the stress this is causing, and multiple commitments you have to fulfil, but it seems the court should know how your EXAH is wasting everyone's time. 'Misunderstanding', right.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,423
Much worse than I thought.
Had the meeting & tried to come to an agreement.
None reached.
The lawyer for child agreed with us both & thinks that the order we have can be interpreted about 3 different ways.
My XH has now stated that he is refusing to have contact with the children during term time until this matter is resolved.
An estimated court hearing would be at least 4 months.
I was very upset by this news & the lawyer for child was also very concerned.
I now have 2 days to file my defence & spent all lastnight preparing.
I have sat the children down & tried to explain the best I can.
They must now meet with lawyer for child in the next few days.
I've been on an extreme rollercoaster of emotion. At the moment I just feel tired & numb.
I still don't understand why this is happening to me.
This is causing high levels of stress & because there is a court hearing pending it will mean I will have to add to the $4000 debt I already owe from the last court proceedings.
If any of you wish to pray for me, please do because that is the only thing I can see helping at the moment.
Had the meeting & tried to come to an agreement.
None reached.
The lawyer for child agreed with us both & thinks that the order we have can be interpreted about 3 different ways.
My XH has now stated that he is refusing to have contact with the children during term time until this matter is resolved.
An estimated court hearing would be at least 4 months.
I was very upset by this news & the lawyer for child was also very concerned.
I now have 2 days to file my defence & spent all lastnight preparing.
I have sat the children down & tried to explain the best I can.
They must now meet with lawyer for child in the next few days.
I've been on an extreme rollercoaster of emotion. At the moment I just feel tired & numb.
I still don't understand why this is happening to me.
This is causing high levels of stress & because there is a court hearing pending it will mean I will have to add to the $4000 debt I already owe from the last court proceedings.
If any of you wish to pray for me, please do because that is the only thing I can see helping at the moment.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 786
I'm praying for you too! Remember that one day this will just be part of your story...the past...and if you hold true to yourself and your kids for the greater good, you can't go wrong. That doesn't mean it won't stink for a while...but you can do this. 
Hugs.
Hugs.
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Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: sitting down and facing front
Posts: 170
Originally Posted by Rosiepetal 
My XH has now stated that he is refusing to have contact with the children during term time until this matter is resolved.
Wishing you luck and good karma
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Rosie, so sorry, hang in there. At least you've got all your back-up documents. I don't think his refusal to see the kids is helpful or will look good in court.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Alabama
Posts: 493
When my XH did similar things to me with the court system I felt overwhelmed like you do. Is there any way you can find a child or family therapist that will testify for the children? There are two in my area. It helps for the kids to be able to talk to someone that is trained in helping children and for seeing through the BS their dad is doing. The therapist here are also experienced in court cases and have a good report with the judges. If you could find someone there that does this it might be a help. Surely a judge will see this man does not care about these children and does not have their best interest in mind. What kind of parent would not have contact with their children for four months because of a "misunderstanding" in the courts?
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Join Date: Oct 2012
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Thanks for your support all.
I had a ring from the court yesterday & another lot of papers served on me.
I continued to work every moment I could on my defence & am filing the defence for both lots of papers.
I only had 3 days to do this, very hard when your working, raising a family, sports etc.
Finally at 11pm lastnight I finished.
I proof read for the 3rd time 1st thing this morning & my work allowed me to go & file in court today.
Wow what a weight off.
The children have to meet with their lawyer today at 4pm. Neither of them want to & have reservations.
It has to be done.
So for now I can breathe again & focus on raising the children in an already busy life all on my own without their fathers help.
I've done it before on my own (2 and half years) when he lived abroad, I can do it again.
I had a ring from the court yesterday & another lot of papers served on me.
I continued to work every moment I could on my defence & am filing the defence for both lots of papers.
I only had 3 days to do this, very hard when your working, raising a family, sports etc.
Finally at 11pm lastnight I finished.
I proof read for the 3rd time 1st thing this morning & my work allowed me to go & file in court today.
Wow what a weight off.
The children have to meet with their lawyer today at 4pm. Neither of them want to & have reservations.
It has to be done.
So for now I can breathe again & focus on raising the children in an already busy life all on my own without their fathers help.
I've done it before on my own (2 and half years) when he lived abroad, I can do it again.
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: Alabama
Posts: 493
You definitely CAN do this on your own. It is amazing what we can do when forced. But you are not alone in spirit. You have us and you have your higher power that is always there with you! You are doing great! You are showing your children a very positive role model. They are lucky to have you!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,423
So the kids went to see their lawyer.
They didn't want to go but had to.
My eldest daughter told me without my asking that the lawyer is going to put in her report that ex gets his way.
I was furious inside myself.
So how does this work?
The father of these children disrupts our schedule that has been working for the rest of the year, wants to change it & then refuses to see the kids unless he gets his way. And lawyer for child is going along with it? Will have to wait for her report.
This is so unfair. The only hope I am going to have now is that the judge will take in my very detailed defence paperwork & see XH for what he is, a manipulating, child destructive #!*!.
I am struggling with myself. I know I haven't done anything wrong.
I know I do right by the kids but the stress I am under is taking toll on my health. I having been having irrational thoughts & although I recognise they are not true I am concerned by having them.
I tried to make lunches lastnight for kids & no food in the house because I've been to & fro from court house & lawyers meetings & writing defence papers, it's also costing me more because they are not going to their Dad's. How is it that I am doing all the work yet he may get his way via manipulation???
Pray for me some more cause boy do I need it.
They didn't want to go but had to.
My eldest daughter told me without my asking that the lawyer is going to put in her report that ex gets his way.
I was furious inside myself.
So how does this work?
The father of these children disrupts our schedule that has been working for the rest of the year, wants to change it & then refuses to see the kids unless he gets his way. And lawyer for child is going along with it? Will have to wait for her report.
This is so unfair. The only hope I am going to have now is that the judge will take in my very detailed defence paperwork & see XH for what he is, a manipulating, child destructive #!*!.
I am struggling with myself. I know I haven't done anything wrong.
I know I do right by the kids but the stress I am under is taking toll on my health. I having been having irrational thoughts & although I recognise they are not true I am concerned by having them.
I tried to make lunches lastnight for kids & no food in the house because I've been to & fro from court house & lawyers meetings & writing defence papers, it's also costing me more because they are not going to their Dad's. How is it that I am doing all the work yet he may get his way via manipulation???
Pray for me some more cause boy do I need it.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I seriously doubt that the lawyer told the kids she would recommend that he get his way. That might have been your daughter's gloomy interpretation of what she said.
Don't get ahead of yourself. And remember, whatever happens, you can deal with it.
Don't get ahead of yourself. And remember, whatever happens, you can deal with it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,423
Thanks Lexie. I realise now I'm suffering from anxiety. Did a bit of reading on it & explains the irrational thoughts & also my heart was beating so hard when XH entered the room the other day I thought they could just about hear it. I never recognised it as anxiety. I used to get the shakes when dealing with him in any kind of way too.
I guess the fact that i recognise this makes it easier to recover.
Have also ordered a herbal supplement to help which I took over the course of the last long court process.
It's definitely not good for your body to be subjected to prolong stress, not sure I can do anything about that though except treat it.
I guess the fact that i recognise this makes it easier to recover.
Have also ordered a herbal supplement to help which I took over the course of the last long court process.
It's definitely not good for your body to be subjected to prolong stress, not sure I can do anything about that though except treat it.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Oh, man Rosie. 
I'm so sorry he's putting you all through this.
Are you sleeping well enough? Doing all the basics that we tend to overlook at times like these. ..... drinking lots of water, good, whole foods, vitamins, etc? (Whatever fits your personal lifestyle) I had success with anxiety with things like chamomile tea, Yoga, exercise. I also had adrenal fatigue and I was battling fatigue from my thyroid problem so I learned the acupressure points for those so I could work on it regularly while I was waiting for my meds to adjust. Epsom salt baths are a lifesaver for me sometimes; I can often find the lavender or stress blends at the dollar tree.
(((((Hugs))))) Try not to future-trip until you find out more!
I'm so sorry he's putting you all through this. Are you sleeping well enough? Doing all the basics that we tend to overlook at times like these. ..... drinking lots of water, good, whole foods, vitamins, etc? (Whatever fits your personal lifestyle) I had success with anxiety with things like chamomile tea, Yoga, exercise. I also had adrenal fatigue and I was battling fatigue from my thyroid problem so I learned the acupressure points for those so I could work on it regularly while I was waiting for my meds to adjust. Epsom salt baths are a lifesaver for me sometimes; I can often find the lavender or stress blends at the dollar tree.
(((((Hugs))))) Try not to future-trip until you find out more!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Oh, trust me--I know about anxiety. Several years ago I thought I glimpsed a guy who looked like my second husband in the lobby of the apartment building I lived in then. We had been apart for like five years or so, divorced for four years, simple, no stress divorce, no kids/property issues, no abuse in the background--just drunkenness and disappointment. We lived a continent apart.
That one glimpse got my heart racing and my blood pressure shooting through the roof. Just the thought of his possibly showing up and my having to interact with him, however briefly, set off that reaction.
Of course, it wasn't him and I got all knotted up for nothing. But I understand your reaction to having to wrangle with him again. Try your best to keep breathing, and keep reminding yourself that you and the kids will be OK no matter what the court decides. If you convince yourself of that, you can make it true.
That one glimpse got my heart racing and my blood pressure shooting through the roof. Just the thought of his possibly showing up and my having to interact with him, however briefly, set off that reaction.
Of course, it wasn't him and I got all knotted up for nothing. But I understand your reaction to having to wrangle with him again. Try your best to keep breathing, and keep reminding yourself that you and the kids will be OK no matter what the court decides. If you convince yourself of that, you can make it true.
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