heather59901

My husband is in alcohol rehab. He has been there for 2 months. I want to try to make things work with us and he says he does too. I am struggling with being supportive of him, though. I am very resentful of things that he said and did over the course of the nearly 5 years before he entered rehab. He still does not seem to be very remorseful for his hurtful words and actions, so I think that is making me feel worse. I have tried talking to him, but he refuses to discuss it. I also don't see a whole lot of progress being made at all. He constantly complains about the program, complains about the facility, and says he has learned nothing. He then says the opposite in front of his counselors. I honestly feel like he is just biding his time there (2 more weeks) until he gets out and will probably go back to drinking. Maybe I'm wrong, though. Is there some way to be supportive of him in rehab and in his recovery in spite of all of the anger and resentment that I feel about past hurts and now the fact that it feels like he has dry drunk syndrome? I don't know what I should do

LexieCat

What are you doing to be supportive of YOU? Are you going to Al-Anon? Seeing your OWN counselor--someone who doesn't have HIS best interests at the forefront?

It's good to get to work on the resentments you are feeling--not for his sake, but for your own. You don't have to be his cheerleader, and you don't have to stay in the relationship. But the resentments will keep eating at you whether you stay or go, so it's best to deal with them.

LemonGirl

I would say that it sounds like YOU need more time to consider how you feel about all of this. Take the time that you need and do not feel guilty about it, because you can't cause someone else to drink. Take all the time you need. Recovery is a process. If somehow, you both end up back on track with each other, then great! It doesn't always happen, but it can happen if two people are committed to their own recoveries.
Sorry.... I would trust my own instinct about this and just keep the focus on you and allow his focus to be on him.

AnvilheadII

I don't know what I should do

what do you WANT to do? what is in YOUR best interests? you count equally as much.....HE has had two months in a closed protected system, with every opportunity to learn new tools and ways to deal with life - with counseling and support.

since you aren't seeing or hearing much that sounds like recovery, i'm not sure you are OBLIGATED to support what does not exist. your feelings and your past hurts are being ignored, minimized and discounted. doesn't sound much like HE supports YOU in any meaningful way.

have you thought about YOUR next steps if he DOES drink again?