It's Harder than It used to be
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Noblesville, IN
Posts: 12
It's Harder than It used to be
Can't beleive I did it tonite. Missed my HS reunioun to get sober and now I'm drinking. Stopping is harder than it used to be.
I had nine years sober untill about ten years ago. Before that period of sobriety I spent eleven years in and out of AA. In that time I had at least one two year sober, and several one years.
I didn't drink at all in 2010, I've been sober for several months quite a few times. It's harder to stop now.
I turn 64 this year and it's starting to get scary. If I keep drinking I won't see 74.
This forum was the first thing I looked at the last two sober mornings. Thank You all for being here. Love Ya
Thom
I had nine years sober untill about ten years ago. Before that period of sobriety I spent eleven years in and out of AA. In that time I had at least one two year sober, and several one years.
I didn't drink at all in 2010, I've been sober for several months quite a few times. It's harder to stop now.
I turn 64 this year and it's starting to get scary. If I keep drinking I won't see 74.
This forum was the first thing I looked at the last two sober mornings. Thank You all for being here. Love Ya
Thom
Into the Void
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: California
Posts: 931
Hey Thom,
sorry to hear about your situation. I hope you'll pour it out and go to bed and get back on your horse in the morning! Hope we'll be seeing you post more on the forum in the future!
sorry to hear about your situation. I hope you'll pour it out and go to bed and get back on your horse in the morning! Hope we'll be seeing you post more on the forum in the future!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Noblesville, IN
Posts: 12
I just don't seem to have the intestinal fortitude that I had in the past. I know I'm in a rut that I just don't see out of.
I live with my cat. (I'm alone),collect SS, and work part time at minimum wage.
I live with my cat. (I'm alone),collect SS, and work part time at minimum wage.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
My life from the outside looks a lot like yours I reckon Thom - I'm on disability, indifferent health, I live alone, not even a cat in my scenario
I always used to say if you lived my life you'd drink too....but thats nonsense.
I quit drinking - for good - 8 years ago..
I took a good hard look at myself and my life and I worked hard at making things better.
You can too Thom. It's never too late to start chapter two
D
I always used to say if you lived my life you'd drink too....but thats nonsense.
I quit drinking - for good - 8 years ago..
I took a good hard look at myself and my life and I worked hard at making things better.
You can too Thom. It's never too late to start chapter two
D
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,042
Hi Thom, nothing in terms of advice to offer I'm afraid. Just wanted to let you know your post moved me and so I just send love and compassion across the net to you.
Hope you feel more in charge and on the way to being well very soon.
xx
Hope you feel more in charge and on the way to being well very soon.
xx
aka Nesty
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Northern Vt.
Posts: 1,554
Hiya Thom , Wanted to let you know your not the only one , I missed a lot of special events . My AV would say just one to take the edge off , that lead to a whole night of feeling sorry for myself . That I prefer alcohol instead 
Yes it never gets easier , harder each time . You know the steps - One day at a time . Decide you rather have 10 healthier years , instead of only 5 with pain & suffering .
You can do it
Yes it never gets easier , harder each time . You know the steps - One day at a time . Decide you rather have 10 healthier years , instead of only 5 with pain & suffering .
You can do it
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi and welcome.
In my experience and observation the older we get the difficulty increases. You say reaching 74, to me considering the circumstances that might be a pipedream.
With your background you know the drill but like me when I came around I was told that I wanted to drink more than I wanted to be sober and they were correct.
It’s interesting we in general look for the softest easiest ways out of our dilemmas. You had a successful period of not drinking and like me awhile ago figured I’d graduated and stopped going to meetings. I felt the old thinking creeping back in and fortunately nipped it in the bud.
I/we see what happens to people who slack off on our recovery work and far too often it’s not a healthy result.
It’s the same story heard for many years. I needed to get honest with myself and accept the fact I cannot drink in safety. It’s that simple tho not easy. Many put their slippers way under the bed to remember what probably works for them.
BE WELL
In my experience and observation the older we get the difficulty increases. You say reaching 74, to me considering the circumstances that might be a pipedream.
With your background you know the drill but like me when I came around I was told that I wanted to drink more than I wanted to be sober and they were correct.
It’s interesting we in general look for the softest easiest ways out of our dilemmas. You had a successful period of not drinking and like me awhile ago figured I’d graduated and stopped going to meetings. I felt the old thinking creeping back in and fortunately nipped it in the bud.
I/we see what happens to people who slack off on our recovery work and far too often it’s not a healthy result.
It’s the same story heard for many years. I needed to get honest with myself and accept the fact I cannot drink in safety. It’s that simple tho not easy. Many put their slippers way under the bed to remember what probably works for them.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Somewhere in California
Posts: 1,136
You've done it many times before, Thom- often for very long stretches. I'm sure it gets harder, as I've heard that from many people for who the progression of alcoholism has advanced. I hope that by using every and all the resources available you can get through this time too.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Hi thom.
I went through something similar following a three-year relapse after twenty five years without a drink.
I've been around long enough and have seen enough in my personal and professional life to know that, as was true for me, it can be very difficult to get and then remain sober following a relapse. I think that each time we pick up a drink, it makes it that much more difficult to stop "the next time." There are many variables involved in this dynamic, including accumulated guilt and shame, and the continuous and seemingly inevitable experience of failure. A relapse is not value-free, and the consequences of a relapse, both known and unknown, are degrading, no matter how brief the lapse.
Every time we drink after having some sober time, we remove ourselves from a sober way of living, and the return trip is rarely straightforward. Dismissing a relapse as something like a "bump in the road" (which I'm aware you haven't said you've done) implies that future drinking will also be equally trivial, something we can simply bounce back from if we just pay more attention. It may be a nice thought, but I've seen little if any evidence to support this hypothesis in real life. You don't just dust yourself off and get back on the same exact horse each time you fall.
When we relapse, we're entering into a contract that states that we're willing to suffer again in the same ways in which we've always suffered, as well as in ways we've yet to experience. It's the deal we make. The contract also requires from us more work and different kinds of help and support each time we attempt to get sober, in addition to what helped us to get sober previously. Being in denial around this or pretending that we either don't know this or that this is untrue is typically shattered by destructive truths. It is not often the case that all we have to do is do what we did "the last time." Our relapse(s) has (have) changed us, and ignoring this reality is unhelpful and dangerous.
As things are, we all come up short in our attempts to do our sobriety perfectly. This should never be used as a reason (rationalization) to stop trying. If we want to get sober, then we might do best by starting with the conviction that we need to do everything possible to achieve sobriety, instead of crafting a list about what we cannot or will not do (the latter practice indicating a weaker conviction). We can always whittle this down later on, based on time, money and availability of treatment. You cannot have been reading on SR for a period of time and claim to not know what kinds of help are available.
Acts of bad faith -- lying to myself in my thinking and my behavior -- were what paved the way to my relapse, and then to continue drinking until I lost virtually everything. "Be honest with yourself" is a simple prescription and an effective remedy, but few of us ever put this into practice with any consistency. We're just not built that way, and it takes more than abstinence to get there. We're mortal beings, so we're always on the lookout for shortcuts that will preserve our most precious commodity, time, and it's these same shortcuts that so often bring us to the brink.
I don't know about you, but everything in my life suffered as a result of my drinking. I was willing to compromise any and all of my standards, and I usually did. My health was failing, I destroyed whatever was good in my relationships, and my work was not even at the level of an incompetent novice. Were I to again pick up a drink, I'd do so knowing full well what the best possible outcome would be, since I'd already experienced it. My expectation is that it would be much worse and, certainly, that it would be much more difficult for me to achieve sobriety again. Picking up a drink is, for me, equal to surrendering my freedom, and a willful act to erase who I am.
To quote Bill Moyers, "Freedom begins the moment you realize someone else has been writing your story and it's time you took the pen from his hand and started writing it yourself."
I went through something similar following a three-year relapse after twenty five years without a drink.
I've been around long enough and have seen enough in my personal and professional life to know that, as was true for me, it can be very difficult to get and then remain sober following a relapse. I think that each time we pick up a drink, it makes it that much more difficult to stop "the next time." There are many variables involved in this dynamic, including accumulated guilt and shame, and the continuous and seemingly inevitable experience of failure. A relapse is not value-free, and the consequences of a relapse, both known and unknown, are degrading, no matter how brief the lapse.
Every time we drink after having some sober time, we remove ourselves from a sober way of living, and the return trip is rarely straightforward. Dismissing a relapse as something like a "bump in the road" (which I'm aware you haven't said you've done) implies that future drinking will also be equally trivial, something we can simply bounce back from if we just pay more attention. It may be a nice thought, but I've seen little if any evidence to support this hypothesis in real life. You don't just dust yourself off and get back on the same exact horse each time you fall.
When we relapse, we're entering into a contract that states that we're willing to suffer again in the same ways in which we've always suffered, as well as in ways we've yet to experience. It's the deal we make. The contract also requires from us more work and different kinds of help and support each time we attempt to get sober, in addition to what helped us to get sober previously. Being in denial around this or pretending that we either don't know this or that this is untrue is typically shattered by destructive truths. It is not often the case that all we have to do is do what we did "the last time." Our relapse(s) has (have) changed us, and ignoring this reality is unhelpful and dangerous.
As things are, we all come up short in our attempts to do our sobriety perfectly. This should never be used as a reason (rationalization) to stop trying. If we want to get sober, then we might do best by starting with the conviction that we need to do everything possible to achieve sobriety, instead of crafting a list about what we cannot or will not do (the latter practice indicating a weaker conviction). We can always whittle this down later on, based on time, money and availability of treatment. You cannot have been reading on SR for a period of time and claim to not know what kinds of help are available.
Acts of bad faith -- lying to myself in my thinking and my behavior -- were what paved the way to my relapse, and then to continue drinking until I lost virtually everything. "Be honest with yourself" is a simple prescription and an effective remedy, but few of us ever put this into practice with any consistency. We're just not built that way, and it takes more than abstinence to get there. We're mortal beings, so we're always on the lookout for shortcuts that will preserve our most precious commodity, time, and it's these same shortcuts that so often bring us to the brink.
I don't know about you, but everything in my life suffered as a result of my drinking. I was willing to compromise any and all of my standards, and I usually did. My health was failing, I destroyed whatever was good in my relationships, and my work was not even at the level of an incompetent novice. Were I to again pick up a drink, I'd do so knowing full well what the best possible outcome would be, since I'd already experienced it. My expectation is that it would be much worse and, certainly, that it would be much more difficult for me to achieve sobriety again. Picking up a drink is, for me, equal to surrendering my freedom, and a willful act to erase who I am.
To quote Bill Moyers, "Freedom begins the moment you realize someone else has been writing your story and it's time you took the pen from his hand and started writing it yourself."
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 444
Hang in there Thom!
Fantastic post EndGame... really helped.
I don't know anything about Dee other than the fact that he compared his life to yours in some respects. That would give me some encouragement were I you. Despite whatever is going on in his life he is pushing hard to help others and lives are being saved by his giving nature and steadfastness. I'm sure there is something latent in you that is ready to come out. It is just hard to see too far from within the rut!
Glad you came to SR today!
Jonathan
Fantastic post EndGame... really helped.
I don't know anything about Dee other than the fact that he compared his life to yours in some respects. That would give me some encouragement were I you. Despite whatever is going on in his life he is pushing hard to help others and lives are being saved by his giving nature and steadfastness. I'm sure there is something latent in you that is ready to come out. It is just hard to see too far from within the rut!
Glad you came to SR today!
Jonathan
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,510
Thom, I think it does get harder each time we try to stop. And, I think it gets harder physically too, as we get older. I know how disheartening this can be, but you can do it. You have had lots of sober time in the past and you can do it again.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
HI Thom7, I can understand you feeling the way you do, but if you spend enough time on this site reading and getting feedback from others you will see that alcohol does nothing to make anything better. Getting and staying sober is not easy and requires effort, but the folks here that have been sober for a long period of time will tell you its worth every sacrifice they had to make. Wishing you the very best, man (or woman).
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,286
Welcome, Thom! I'm 70 and have had a number of sober spells, the longest was 13 years. It truly was harder to become sober this time. I used all of the following: SR, AA (nearly daily), 3-month intensive outpatient program, meds and psychotherapy. They told me they weren't sure if the IOP would be enough or if I needed inpatient rehab. If I relapse again, inpatient would likely be next. In about a week it will be one year since I started IOP. I've had one brief relapse under an unusual circumstance but have been sober the rest of the time.
As long as you are breathing it's not too late but be prepared that it may not be easy this time. Keep your eyes on the goal - 74!
As long as you are breathing it's not too late but be prepared that it may not be easy this time. Keep your eyes on the goal - 74!
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