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Need some words of wisdom

Old 07-25-2015, 04:13 PM
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Need some words of wisdom

I am struggling today. Pretty much miserable and moody. I am at work. Bf is out having drinks, friends are all out having drinks, family is out having drinks. I want to go meet them after because i seriously do not have it in me to sit home AGAIN and do nothing. But I wont have fun not being able to drink either w everyone smashed and having fun. I don't wanna sit home ive done it for 10 days and everyone is out. What do I do? If I sit home.. I want to sit home with wine. If I go out i feel left out and miserable and like the mom who has to take care of everyone and drive.
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Old 07-25-2015, 04:20 PM
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I think the answer is to build your own life and do your own thing and have other options besides staying at home feeling miserable or being with drinkers and feeling miserable.

There are some great ideas here to start you off:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ething-do.html

D
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Old 07-25-2015, 04:22 PM
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For me I needed to get this "having fun" concept out of my head, my goal and primary focus was to remain Sober, this is life and death, drinking will only cause misery, Sobriety will give me a chance at happiness!!

Forget about what everyone else is doing and focus on what's important to you, for me it was remaining Sober at all costs!!

"Doing nothing" is remaining Sober, and if that's what it is gonna take for the next few weeks, months, then that's what we gotta do, there will be plenty of time after that to venture out, but for now it's all about being Sober, strengthen those Sober muscles for the future!!
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Old 07-25-2015, 04:24 PM
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Hi.
In the beginning I needed to separate my wants from my needs. My needs were not associating with people while they are drinking. Each time I did I was off and running until I got to the point of wanting to be sober. For that I needed to get honest with myself about my drinking and under no circumstances pick up that first drink so I wouldn’t have try to get sober again.

I believe we as individuals have a limited number of chances to become sober. Then the misery really starts as we are doomed to unwanted consequences.

BE WELL
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Old 07-25-2015, 04:47 PM
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HopePeace Nice job 10 Days ! If it makes you feel any better your not alone . My man friend has been out partying with his friends for 2 days today . I just think of it like any other day . Rather it's the weekend or weekday . Change your thinking - if it was say Tuesday do things you would do than . If you have to turn the things you do during the week and plan them for the weekend . Shopping , laundry , baking ect .. keep your mind busy .
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Old 07-25-2015, 05:05 PM
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HI hope, I totally get you. I am bored out of my mind. I am sitting at home doing nothing as my friends and family are having a great time at a BBQ. The thing is, they can stop at 3, 4 drinks for the night. I usually end up passed out in the neighbour's bushes with raccoons licking my face in the morning. I can't drink like most people unfortunately. Tomorrow morning you will be feeling great though as everyone else has a hangover, right?
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Old 07-25-2015, 05:19 PM
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Staying sober doesn't doom you to a life of boredom. Get out and find things to do, sober things. Drinking doesn't equal "having fun". There are other ways to have fun and still wake up feeling good the next day.
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Old 07-25-2015, 05:29 PM
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I watch my friends drink or sit alone at home I know it sucks, I hang around SR, try to Netflix or TV or read, exercise when I can. If you are lucky maybe u can just eat something u enjoy.
It is true I do not envy the hangovers the next day, I do get some satisfaction out of that. I think boredom is a big hurdle for many drinkers.
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Old 07-25-2015, 05:30 PM
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HopePeace.. I completely understand how you feel. I find myself home very often now whilst everyone is out having "so called fun" At the beginning i didnt tell anyone i had quit drinking so it was easy for me as i didnt put the added stress of what anyone was going to think or make myself feel left out. Slowly people have realized i have quit & staying home has actually become enjoyable. I grew up in downtown Toronto but now I live on a small Caribbean island & at nights the only real thing to do here is go out drinking. I've had to train myself that it's ok not to be running around at all hours like a fool. Bf can do it as he has more control than i do & frankly i would always end up in some sort of trouble like Wastinglife mentioned. Difference here is you pass out & a centipede will bite your butt! Not sure where you're from but there are so many safer options in larger cities for you to do then drinking at nights. Especially if looking for new things to do for yourself. I like what Nestwasempty said about it not mattering what day of the week it is. All about re-training your own brain.
Thanks for the post because i also enjoyed the responses! congrats on 10 days!
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Old 07-25-2015, 06:56 PM
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Originally Posted by HopePeace View Post
I want to go meet them after because i seriously do not have it in me to sit home AGAIN and do nothing.
First, congrats on 10 days. Second, it's only been ten days. Patience. As for sitting home with nothing to do, the "nothing" is on you. I'm home a lot and still can't do all the things I want or need to do.

I'm sure you can find more to do at home than feel like you missing out on life.
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Old 07-25-2015, 07:07 PM
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I spent many years in "prison" due to drinking - not real prison but a prisoner of being drunk too much. I am still sacrificing 'time' to be sober.

The comparatively short time it takes to protect yourself to get and stay sober does not compare to the time you spent getting addicted to alcohol.
A little sacrifice up front pays off with dividends later.
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Old 07-25-2015, 07:46 PM
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I started taking care of stupid little chores that needed done that way I was busy. I still remember texting my best friend all excited because I finally sat down and hemmed 2 pair of dress slacks for work that I bought months ago but hadn't been able to wear yet. I felt so excited and accomplished over such a silly, boring thing! LOL

Then I worked on developing hobbies so I could have my own fun and not miss what I used to think was "fun"
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Old 07-25-2015, 09:57 PM
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Thanks guys. I was just in a crappy, yucky mood. I really appreciate all the responses. You are all right. And i know that there are a lot more things to do at home than "nothing".. I have been doing those things all week. And today I was bored of it and wanted to go join all of my friends and family instead of picking another random chore or hobby or movie or food to occupy myself at home. I ended up going and I didn't have a sip and I had a great time! I laughed and danced and listened to good music and caught up with friends. I did get the "are u pregnant" thing a couple times tho since i wasnt drinking. But all in all.. Success. Thanks again
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Old 07-25-2015, 10:05 PM
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I hear you. When I decided to draw the line in the sand and take away alcohol as an option I was willing to do anything. I didn't care if life would be boring for the rest of my life as long as it was boring without a hangover. I spent a lot of time the first month treating myself like someone who had the flu. Any and all stimulation was a trigger. I wasn't someone that could join a dance class to take my mind off drinking. I kind of hid for a month and it worked.

I think a cost/benefit list would be the perfect thing for you to do right now. Just take a piece of paper and write "positives" and "negatives" with a line down the middle. Keep this piece of paper in your bag. I think you'll be surprised how short the list of "benefits" is.

Want to know a few of my positives after a year sober?
I've lost 30 lbs (without even trying)
I no longer have hangovers, ever.
My house is cleaner.
I'm paying bills on time.
My car is cleaner.
My face looks better.
Did I mention I lost 30 lbs?
I am happier in general.
Did I mention I never have hangovers?

Just for the sake of this exercise? The negatives of stopping?

Sometimes I miss the (false) sense of escaping.
Sometimes I miss the (false) sense of relaxation.
(Okay, list over, those ended up in blackouts, hangovers, and depression)

Get a piece of paper!
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Old 07-25-2015, 10:48 PM
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"I didn't care if life would be boring for the rest of my life as long as it was boring without a hangover."

I should have added that life is not boring without alcohol. Sobriety hasn't made my life all exciting, but I just really enjoy going through my day feeling pretty good and content. I think that's the word I really want to emphasize: You become content to just be. Heck, even going to work isn't so bad when you're feeling pretty good.

Lord knows I was never content when I was drinking!
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Old 07-26-2015, 09:09 AM
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Glad you feel better HopePeace
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Old 07-26-2015, 09:20 AM
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Glad you made it through that! It's tough in early recovery.
I am 3 months sober and I have a hard time at "parties" and stuff. Especially when drinking is the attraction. I am finding ways to bring happiness into my life. It was pretty boring while I was drinking, and it still is in early recovery. The fun now is exploring my new life and figuring things out. I read, I garden and now, I am getting physically fit!
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Old 07-26-2015, 09:23 AM
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Originally Posted by Purpleknight View Post
For me I needed to get this "having fun" concept out of my head, my goal and primary focus was to remain Sober, this is life and death, drinking will only cause misery, Sobriety will give me a chance at happiness!!

Forget about what everyone else is doing and focus on what's important to you, for me it was remaining Sober at all costs!!

"Doing nothing" is remaining Sober, and if that's what it is gonna take for the next few weeks, months, then that's what we gotta do, there will be plenty of time after that to venture out, but for now it's all about being Sober, strengthen those Sober muscles for the future!!
Preach PK....PREACH. You have to be willing to give up the good for the great and that takes sacrifice.
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Old 07-26-2015, 09:41 AM
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Originally Posted by MelindaFlowers View Post
I hear you. When I decided to draw the line in the sand and take away alcohol as an option I was willing to do anything. I didn't care if life would be boring for the rest of my life as long as it was boring without a hangover. I spent a lot of time the first month treating myself like someone who had the flu. Any and all stimulation was a trigger. I wasn't someone that could join a dance class to take my mind off drinking. I kind of hid for a month and it worked.

I think a cost/benefit list would be the perfect thing for you to do right now. Just take a piece of paper and write "positives" and "negatives" with a line down the middle. Keep this piece of paper in your bag. I think you'll be surprised how short the list of "benefits" is.

Want to know a few of my positives after a year sober?
I've lost 30 lbs (without even trying)
I no longer have hangovers, ever.
My house is cleaner.
I'm paying bills on time.
My car is cleaner.
My face looks better.
Did I mention I lost 30 lbs?
I am happier in general.
Did I mention I never have hangovers?

Just for the sake of this exercise? The negatives of stopping?

Sometimes I miss the (false) sense of escaping.
Sometimes I miss the (false) sense of relaxation.
(Okay, list over, those ended up in blackouts, hangovers, and depression)

Get a piece of paper!
Great post Melinda, the cost/benefit analysis is a great idea it really shows you, if you're honest, where the benefits are.

IMO, I don't think that sobriety is a prison sentence to your home, I used to think like that and get bored after a long period and go out and pickup alcohol like I was a fiend for it.

Now, really and truly I missed the experiences, the people, the music the sociality not really the alcohol when I was truly honest with myself. The alcohol was a just an additive of the situation, an addon so to speak but for me didn't make the experience really better. Honestly, it made me feel a belonging like I fit in doing what everyone else was doing. Problem was it affected my decisions sometimes, my relationships and physically was not good for me at all healthwize. Over the years the benefits of not drinking have far outweighed the benefits of drinking...and for me there aren't many benefits of doing it to excess.
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Old 07-26-2015, 01:53 PM
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Success is often achieved through sacrifice. You can do it.
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