Drinking in a parallel universe....help!
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 48
Drinking in a parallel universe....help!
I have been sober for 9 months now, and my life has improved so much.
I don't very often think about drinking these days and rarely have a serious craving. Hurrah!
However, I think I have a holiday coming up in a few months. I am going on my own, without my husband, staying with a friend, somewhere I have never been, and for some reason, my head is seriously entertaining the thought that it will be fine if I drink on my holiday, as if getting on this plane and leaving my life for a week is like entering a fantasy parallel universe where none of my actions will have any repercussions back in 'real life'.
I am clearly missing some sort of acceptance of my condition which worries me, not so much about the holiday, but in general, because clearly these thoughts are buried inside me and might just rear their head at another time.
Anyone else found that acceptance is more complicated than they thought? Any tips on work I should be doing to counteract these thoughts?
I don't very often think about drinking these days and rarely have a serious craving. Hurrah!
However, I think I have a holiday coming up in a few months. I am going on my own, without my husband, staying with a friend, somewhere I have never been, and for some reason, my head is seriously entertaining the thought that it will be fine if I drink on my holiday, as if getting on this plane and leaving my life for a week is like entering a fantasy parallel universe where none of my actions will have any repercussions back in 'real life'.
I am clearly missing some sort of acceptance of my condition which worries me, not so much about the holiday, but in general, because clearly these thoughts are buried inside me and might just rear their head at another time.
Anyone else found that acceptance is more complicated than they thought? Any tips on work I should be doing to counteract these thoughts?
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Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Caribbean
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Soberfreckles, I'm going to wait for some advice as well. We're going away in a few months & that very thought has already crossed my mind. Bf would never entertain the thought of it happening nor would I however it's a good q's.
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Originally Posted by SoberFreckles 
Anyone else found that acceptance is more complicated than they thought? Any tips on work I should be doing to counteract these thoughts?
Three months later, nothing has changed. I wish I could wave a wand and make you accept you can never drink, but acceptance, much like the whole recovery journey, is on you.
I can understand why a vacation might prompt the thoughts. Your analogy of a parallel universe is a good one. A universe where your addiction can play at will.
There is no so such "real" universe. There are consequences if you let your addiction run rampant like a 12-year old juvenile delinquent, pretending it can "get away" with drinking.
Takes a lot of integrity to remain sober. Be as vigilant about your recovery there--if you insist on going--as you are at home.
or stay home.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Just stopping drinking doesn't mean I don't remember the drinking, and it certainly didn't immediately erase the voice that said, "Time to drink."
It is said that true character is doing the right thing even when no one will know.
This battle is between you and you. It is a mind game that has to be played just right. Every time I get the thoughts, I switch to another thought or I say to myself, "I don't drink."
We all have those thoughts. I live alone with no family around. I'm not working. I had to come up with my own ways to not pick up that first drink. Meditation, reading recovery material, coming here, staying busy, prayer.
It gets easier.
It is said that true character is doing the right thing even when no one will know.
This battle is between you and you. It is a mind game that has to be played just right. Every time I get the thoughts, I switch to another thought or I say to myself, "I don't drink."
We all have those thoughts. I live alone with no family around. I'm not working. I had to come up with my own ways to not pick up that first drink. Meditation, reading recovery material, coming here, staying busy, prayer.
It gets easier.
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Somewhere in California
Posts: 1,136
I agree with the previous posters. I think you'd be in more danger if you had kept this to yourself and never posted your thoughts here- so that's a good sign. You realize the danger in such thinking. There is no way "just a few" or "it's just one wedding/party/etc" or "well, I'll go back to sobriety after I get home from this trip" will every be a reality for alcoholics/problem drinkers. These pages and forums are full of stories detailing what happens when someone drops their guard or makes exceptions (usually during some sort of special occasion or celebration). Besides- you'll enjoy your vacation sober. Maybe in a different way, but at least in a way that doesn't jeopardize your sobriety and your life.
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9 months sober is great!
I think that maybe you have not made the shift in your thinking so that you know you can never drink again. If you go on this vacation, hopefully you can prepare yourself mentally to deal with remaining sober.
I think that maybe you have not made the shift in your thinking so that you know you can never drink again. If you go on this vacation, hopefully you can prepare yourself mentally to deal with remaining sober.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Sounds about right to me!!
This is all part of recovery and sobriety in my experience.
Thankfully I've discovered that thinking those things needn't mean doing them.
It gets easier, but yes... Acceptance isn't a destination.... It is part of the joyful sober journey.
This is all part of recovery and sobriety in my experience.
Thankfully I've discovered that thinking those things needn't mean doing them.
It gets easier, but yes... Acceptance isn't a destination.... It is part of the joyful sober journey.
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 48
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
Your first post, at six months sober, was about acceptance, or lack of it, and how you thought you could drink again.
Three months later, nothing has changed. I wish I could wave a wand and make you accept you can never drink, but acceptance, much like the whole recovery journey, is on you.
I can understand why a vacation might prompt the thoughts. Your analogy of a parallel universe is a good one. A universe where your addiction can play at will.
There is no so such "real" universe. There are consequences if you let your addiction run rampant like a 12-year old juvenile delinquent, pretending it can "get away" with drinking.
Takes a lot of integrity to remain sober. Be as vigilant about your recovery there--if you insist on going--as you are at home.
or stay home.
Three months later, nothing has changed. I wish I could wave a wand and make you accept you can never drink, but acceptance, much like the whole recovery journey, is on you.
I can understand why a vacation might prompt the thoughts. Your analogy of a parallel universe is a good one. A universe where your addiction can play at will.
There is no so such "real" universe. There are consequences if you let your addiction run rampant like a 12-year old juvenile delinquent, pretending it can "get away" with drinking.
Takes a lot of integrity to remain sober. Be as vigilant about your recovery there--if you insist on going--as you are at home.
or stay home.
under new management
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,339
SoberFreckles, congratulations on 9 months!! 
For myself, I have taken drinking off the table completely, it is not an option, period. My off switch is defective, always has been, always will be. Nothing I can do will fix it so that I can drink responsibly.
Also, something to think about, a holiday isn't really happening in an alternate reality. It is part of your life, holidays, weddings, birthdays, Christmas and on and on. These dates are part of your life, not a separate part. You don't drink simply because it is Tuesday (not anymore, at least, lol, that was a reason for me!). Apply that to everyday, whether you are at work or on a beach.
I hope my rambling makes a little bit of sense!
Hang onto your 9 months, you will be celebrating 1 year by the time your holiday rolls around!!
For myself, I have taken drinking off the table completely, it is not an option, period. My off switch is defective, always has been, always will be. Nothing I can do will fix it so that I can drink responsibly.
Also, something to think about, a holiday isn't really happening in an alternate reality. It is part of your life, holidays, weddings, birthdays, Christmas and on and on. These dates are part of your life, not a separate part. You don't drink simply because it is Tuesday (not anymore, at least, lol, that was a reason for me!). Apply that to everyday, whether you are at work or on a beach.
I hope my rambling makes a little bit of sense!
Hang onto your 9 months, you will be celebrating 1 year by the time your holiday rolls around!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 48
Originally Posted by FreeOwl
Sounds about right to me!!
This is all part of recovery and sobriety in my experience.
Thankfully I've discovered that thinking those things needn't mean doing them.
It gets easier, but yes... Acceptance isn't a destination.... It is part of the joyful sober journey.
This is all part of recovery and sobriety in my experience.
Thankfully I've discovered that thinking those things needn't mean doing them.
It gets easier, but yes... Acceptance isn't a destination.... It is part of the joyful sober journey.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 48
Originally Posted by Anna
9 months sober is great!
I think that maybe you have not made the shift in your thinking so that you know you can never drink again. If you go on this vacation, hopefully you can prepare yourself mentally to deal with remaining sober.
I think that maybe you have not made the shift in your thinking so that you know you can never drink again. If you go on this vacation, hopefully you can prepare yourself mentally to deal with remaining sober.
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 48
Originally Posted by 2ndhandrose
SoberFreckles, congratulations on 9 months!!
Also, something to think about, a holiday isn't really happening in an alternate reality. It is part of your life, holidays, weddings, birthdays, Christmas and on and on. These dates are part of your life, not a separate part. You don't drink simply because it is Tuesday (not anymore, at least, lol, that was a reason for me!). Apply that to everyday, whether you are at work or on a beach.
I hope my rambling makes a little bit of sense!
Hang onto your 9 months, you will be celebrating 1 year by the time your holiday rolls around!!
Also, something to think about, a holiday isn't really happening in an alternate reality. It is part of your life, holidays, weddings, birthdays, Christmas and on and on. These dates are part of your life, not a separate part. You don't drink simply because it is Tuesday (not anymore, at least, lol, that was a reason for me!). Apply that to everyday, whether you are at work or on a beach.
I hope my rambling makes a little bit of sense!
Hang onto your 9 months, you will be celebrating 1 year by the time your holiday rolls around!!
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,350
That is one I have to fight back every once in a while too. I identify it as part of the irrational thinking that kept me from quitting. Like FreeOwl mentioned it seems to be part of the retraining process. I will be doing just fine and it is almost like my mind is trying to go back into the old groove. You are dealing with it honestly so you are looking good to me. It also is the one I have heard that will get people with really long term sobriety too. I always hear them say "I thought I could handle it".
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
There's a good thing about thoughts:
I can't control em coming into my head, but I have the choice of whether I believe them or not. I have the choice to say," nope, not true" or " yeah, I can drink"
By the grace of God I didn't completely fry my brain. I still have some memory and the greatest part of that memory is seeing what alcohol did for me.
So I can chose," nope, that's a lie. Time not to believe THAT thought a d turn my attention to something more useful."
I can't control em coming into my head, but I have the choice of whether I believe them or not. I have the choice to say," nope, not true" or " yeah, I can drink"
By the grace of God I didn't completely fry my brain. I still have some memory and the greatest part of that memory is seeing what alcohol did for me.
So I can chose," nope, that's a lie. Time not to believe THAT thought a d turn my attention to something more useful."
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
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on the intricacies of acceptance are you entraining these ideas and engaging with them as opposed to them "crossing your mind".
All sorts of stuff floats through my head- fortunately I do not really take that much notice of a lot of it- and I don't have to act on it. My ideas and fantasies however do tell me "where I am at".
All sorts of stuff floats through my head- fortunately I do not really take that much notice of a lot of it- and I don't have to act on it. My ideas and fantasies however do tell me "where I am at".
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There's an inner rebel in most of us...a petulant but highly intelligent child who loves 'getting away with stuff.'..
I had to consciously remind myself where that stuff took me...and the fact it all starts with the first drink.
Your inner addict will scream cry stomp around and tell you you'll never have fun again...but you will...much more fun that the embarrassments injuries and blackouts gave you
D
I had to consciously remind myself where that stuff took me...and the fact it all starts with the first drink.
Your inner addict will scream cry stomp around and tell you you'll never have fun again...but you will...much more fun that the embarrassments injuries and blackouts gave you
D
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by SoberFreckles
..but then I don't want to throw away a year's sobriety on a fantasyeither.
Enjoy the NOW.
Yesterday's history
Tomorrows a mystery
Today is a gift
That's why it's called the present.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Houston TX
Posts: 94
Soberfreckles, congrats on the milestone of 9 months! Fantastic. As for the acceptance thing, I think many of us try to leave a little back door open to possibly taking a weekend or a vacation or some celebration (birthday) 'off', and to then go back to full-on sobriety the next day or week or whatever.
I have myself fallen into that trap, relapsing after years and years of being sober, thinking that I could handle it. Of course I was soon back worse than ever.
Accepting the finality of not drinking actually feels better to me know, as I don't even bother to think of opportunities or events in the future where I might want to booze it up. What still gets me occasionally is the thought or anticipation of drinking, just a mental image where I am in a happy mood and feeling good, because it is tied up in my memory with friends and family and good times. It doesn't always end good but when you are romanticizing it - as the brain so often does with many things - of course it seems quite harmless. Just like quitting smoking, the impulse to light up a cigarette can sometimes pop up unexpectly, even after decades of not smoking. Maybe with full acceptance the exciting and appealing nature of thinking and anticipating drinking will lessen and become more and more manageable. I don't know, still working it out for myself.
I have myself fallen into that trap, relapsing after years and years of being sober, thinking that I could handle it. Of course I was soon back worse than ever.
Accepting the finality of not drinking actually feels better to me know, as I don't even bother to think of opportunities or events in the future where I might want to booze it up. What still gets me occasionally is the thought or anticipation of drinking, just a mental image where I am in a happy mood and feeling good, because it is tied up in my memory with friends and family and good times. It doesn't always end good but when you are romanticizing it - as the brain so often does with many things - of course it seems quite harmless. Just like quitting smoking, the impulse to light up a cigarette can sometimes pop up unexpectly, even after decades of not smoking. Maybe with full acceptance the exciting and appealing nature of thinking and anticipating drinking will lessen and become more and more manageable. I don't know, still working it out for myself.
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