I apologize.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
I apologize.
I haven't posted here in a little while. I wanted to apologize for getting so defensive about many of your replies to my thread a few weeks ago. I know you were all just desperately trying to help me (and HAVE been for the last year since my relapse) and I just wasn't ready to hear the TRUTH.
I had to go to an extremely dark place of anxiety, depression, aloneness and suicidal thoughts to finally get to a point where I was willing to make a change. I am doing much better now and finally have started to put some sober days together.
The cravings have been very hard but I just keep remembering what you guys have said in the past: "as long as you don't drink, each craving will get easier and eventually they will go away!" Drinking is a "dead end road" for me. I never want to go back. Going back would be like choosing to go back to hell. :-(
God bless you guys for all of your help and unconditional love in the past. Again, I'm sorry if I was rude. This disease (when active) makes me crazy. Another reason why I am never going back....24 hours at a time!
Xo
I had to go to an extremely dark place of anxiety, depression, aloneness and suicidal thoughts to finally get to a point where I was willing to make a change. I am doing much better now and finally have started to put some sober days together.
The cravings have been very hard but I just keep remembering what you guys have said in the past: "as long as you don't drink, each craving will get easier and eventually they will go away!" Drinking is a "dead end road" for me. I never want to go back. Going back would be like choosing to go back to hell. :-(
God bless you guys for all of your help and unconditional love in the past. Again, I'm sorry if I was rude. This disease (when active) makes me crazy. Another reason why I am never going back....24 hours at a time!
Xo
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Hi Serenidad,
You sound good. What addict (or human being) does not get defensive at times to protect our habits and familiar modes of being? It's also usually not trivial and fast to break through our habitual defenses. Just make sure that you are holding onto this current perception and motivation to move forward and don't fall back to those "dark places".
You sound good. What addict (or human being) does not get defensive at times to protect our habits and familiar modes of being? It's also usually not trivial and fast to break through our habitual defenses. Just make sure that you are holding onto this current perception and motivation to move forward and don't fall back to those "dark places".
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
My new sobriety TOOLS:
Things I am doing NOW to stay sober:
Thank you for caring Fini!
*Jerry and Scott, first and foremost I had to hit the emotional bottom I hit (which felt like hell) to realize I didn't want to drink anymore. After my last drunk I wanted to kill myself but knew I couldn't and wouldn't because of my kids and husband. I would never do that to them and also realized I really DIDN'T want to die and DON'T want to die....I just wanted the pain to stop. I had a "lightbulb moment" and realized that drinking was always going to take me to that dark space and I was suddenly willing to go to any length to stop and stay stopped.
*Another thing I did was have a "heart to heart" talk with my husband. I told him the truth about how much I had been struggling and how hard it has been for me. I told him I needed his support and prayers. He assured me he loved me and would be there for me. I am lucky. It feels good to know he knows everything.
*I have also been really focusing on just taking it 24 hours at a time! I even put sticky notes everywhere to remind me that I only have to do this ONE day at a time. When I have cravings I remind myself that I only have to do this TODAY...just until bed time. Or I may even break it down into hours or minutes if I need to.
*I have support people & a sponsor from AA helping me and am going to meetings and working the steps. I get lonely when I am not around other alcoholics (people who truly understand me) so the face to face helps. I also have a lot of crap in my head (resentments etc) that I need to work on through the steps etc. From previous experience I know the 12 Steps are so freeing for me.
*I have been watching HALT. I can't be hungry, angry, lonely or tired. I add an S to the end of that for "stressed" too. So mine is HALTS. :-) Not skipping a meal is CRITICAL for me!
*I have been doing a lot of "self-care" and giving myself a break! Rome wasn't built in a day! Easy does it! I'm trying to be kind to myself and if my "to-do list" doesn't get done immediately...oh well. THE most important thing I can do each day is NOT drink! Everything else is secondary because if I drink none of that other crap will get done anyway!
*I try to reward myself in small ways each day I stay sober.
*I avoid TOXIC people right now....especially some family members!
*I take naps if I need one.
*I drink ice water with lemon in it. A friend from AA said that helps.
*I'm taking vitamins, B-complex etc daily.
*I pay attention to the time. I always get cravings between 3:00ish and 6:00ish so I am VERY careful during that time and make sure I eat, take a nap, distract myself etc.
*I'm avoiding a lot of sugar so I don't get sugar cravings when I crash (aka alcohol cravings) since alcohol is all sugar.
*I don't smoke or drink caffeine. I smoked cigarettes when to drank. :-( Nicotine and caffeine are both proven to cause alcohol cravings since they affect the same receptors in the brain.
*I have been reading posts here on SR, reading a great book called Blackout and other recovery material and meditations.
*I have been exercising when I have the energy...even if it's just a short walk.
*I have been avoiding ALL drinking situations even if people aren't happy about it! I MUST be selfish right now or these people won't have me around anyway because I will be dead. :-(
*I have been trying to remember to (((breathe))).
*I have been avoiding things that normal stress me out or make me angry as much as possible.
*I pray a lot....especially the Serenity prayer.
*I try to be grateful and humble.
*I try to be kind and not be an ass when I am driving. Haha. (I have had slight road rage incidents in the past).
*If I get upset or angry with someone, I write it down on a "list of resentments". I can deal with it later in step 4 & 5. Sometimes I immediately pray for them. Resentments are the #1 offender. They take down more alcoholics than anything. :-(
*I avoid all confrontation! HUGE trigger for me! Even if it means just nicely walking away.
*Trying to work on learning to meditate/mindfulness.
*I'm trying to turn things over to God (my higher power) and trust him.
*I am journaling.
*I try to help someone each day...even if it's just something small....to "get out of myself".
*I trying to spend quality time with my kids and animals. They make me happy.
*I have been cooking new recipes for the family. I LOVE to cook and it calms me.
*I am trying not to have expectations.
*I am trying to work on acceptance.
*I am trying to work on "live and let live". I'm trying to just focus on MYSELF and not control or change others.
*I am posting on SR AGAIN! :-)
Hmmm....that's all I can think of so far but those are all the things I am trying to do one day at a time to re-build my sober life!
Thanks for asking!!! :-)
Thank you for caring Fini!
*Jerry and Scott, first and foremost I had to hit the emotional bottom I hit (which felt like hell) to realize I didn't want to drink anymore. After my last drunk I wanted to kill myself but knew I couldn't and wouldn't because of my kids and husband. I would never do that to them and also realized I really DIDN'T want to die and DON'T want to die....I just wanted the pain to stop. I had a "lightbulb moment" and realized that drinking was always going to take me to that dark space and I was suddenly willing to go to any length to stop and stay stopped.
*Another thing I did was have a "heart to heart" talk with my husband. I told him the truth about how much I had been struggling and how hard it has been for me. I told him I needed his support and prayers. He assured me he loved me and would be there for me. I am lucky. It feels good to know he knows everything.
*I have also been really focusing on just taking it 24 hours at a time! I even put sticky notes everywhere to remind me that I only have to do this ONE day at a time. When I have cravings I remind myself that I only have to do this TODAY...just until bed time. Or I may even break it down into hours or minutes if I need to.
*I have support people & a sponsor from AA helping me and am going to meetings and working the steps. I get lonely when I am not around other alcoholics (people who truly understand me) so the face to face helps. I also have a lot of crap in my head (resentments etc) that I need to work on through the steps etc. From previous experience I know the 12 Steps are so freeing for me.
*I have been watching HALT. I can't be hungry, angry, lonely or tired. I add an S to the end of that for "stressed" too. So mine is HALTS. :-) Not skipping a meal is CRITICAL for me!
*I have been doing a lot of "self-care" and giving myself a break! Rome wasn't built in a day! Easy does it! I'm trying to be kind to myself and if my "to-do list" doesn't get done immediately...oh well. THE most important thing I can do each day is NOT drink! Everything else is secondary because if I drink none of that other crap will get done anyway!
*I try to reward myself in small ways each day I stay sober.
*I avoid TOXIC people right now....especially some family members!
*I take naps if I need one.
*I drink ice water with lemon in it. A friend from AA said that helps.
*I'm taking vitamins, B-complex etc daily.
*I pay attention to the time. I always get cravings between 3:00ish and 6:00ish so I am VERY careful during that time and make sure I eat, take a nap, distract myself etc.
*I'm avoiding a lot of sugar so I don't get sugar cravings when I crash (aka alcohol cravings) since alcohol is all sugar.
*I don't smoke or drink caffeine. I smoked cigarettes when to drank. :-( Nicotine and caffeine are both proven to cause alcohol cravings since they affect the same receptors in the brain.
*I have been reading posts here on SR, reading a great book called Blackout and other recovery material and meditations.
*I have been exercising when I have the energy...even if it's just a short walk.
*I have been avoiding ALL drinking situations even if people aren't happy about it! I MUST be selfish right now or these people won't have me around anyway because I will be dead. :-(
*I have been trying to remember to (((breathe))).
*I have been avoiding things that normal stress me out or make me angry as much as possible.
*I pray a lot....especially the Serenity prayer.
*I try to be grateful and humble.
*I try to be kind and not be an ass when I am driving. Haha. (I have had slight road rage incidents in the past).
*If I get upset or angry with someone, I write it down on a "list of resentments". I can deal with it later in step 4 & 5. Sometimes I immediately pray for them. Resentments are the #1 offender. They take down more alcoholics than anything. :-(
*I avoid all confrontation! HUGE trigger for me! Even if it means just nicely walking away.
*Trying to work on learning to meditate/mindfulness.
*I'm trying to turn things over to God (my higher power) and trust him.
*I am journaling.
*I try to help someone each day...even if it's just something small....to "get out of myself".
*I trying to spend quality time with my kids and animals. They make me happy.
*I have been cooking new recipes for the family. I LOVE to cook and it calms me.
*I am trying not to have expectations.
*I am trying to work on acceptance.
*I am trying to work on "live and let live". I'm trying to just focus on MYSELF and not control or change others.
*I am posting on SR AGAIN! :-)
Hmmm....that's all I can think of so far but those are all the things I am trying to do one day at a time to re-build my sober life!
Thanks for asking!!! :-)
Last edited by Serenidad; 07-24-2015 at 10:10 AM. Reason: Wanted to add a title
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
It means so much that you are all welcoming me back!
By the way, How are all you doing???
GettingSmarter: Thank you for you nice post.
Casey: I posted my very lengthy recovery plan above (a few minutes ago) ;-)
ElleDee-Thank you! I WILL keep swimming! If I stop, I will drown. I have always been terrified of drowning. :-( I LOVE Finding Nemo too! I think they are coming out with a second one soon...
FarTo Go: We can't do this alone. One of the biggest drinking triggers for alcoholics and addicts is loneliness. I hope you are doing well!
Aellyce: Thank you! I am holding on to whatever it is that I "have" right now....willingness??? My life depends on it.
Jerry: Thank you, I am determined to not only stay sober but be happy! I am glad my list helped you. It helped me to type it all out. Now I can refer back to it during tougher times.
By the way, How are all you doing???
GettingSmarter: Thank you for you nice post.
Casey: I posted my very lengthy recovery plan above (a few minutes ago) ;-)
ElleDee-Thank you! I WILL keep swimming! If I stop, I will drown. I have always been terrified of drowning. :-( I LOVE Finding Nemo too! I think they are coming out with a second one soon...
FarTo Go: We can't do this alone. One of the biggest drinking triggers for alcoholics and addicts is loneliness. I hope you are doing well!
Aellyce: Thank you! I am holding on to whatever it is that I "have" right now....willingness??? My life depends on it.
Jerry: Thank you, I am determined to not only stay sober but be happy! I am glad my list helped you. It helped me to type it all out. Now I can refer back to it during tougher times.
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