NestWasEmpty

Something new has developed with my Anxiety since I joined SR . Can't put my finger on it , but it seems I have to do more work on talking about my past .
As the days have gone by reading peoples posts and I trying to help in my small ways . My anxiety gets the best of me thinking back to my drinking days .
I do talk to others in my day to day life in person & don't have a problem .
When I Posted in Where Were You it hit me hard - I could hardly make it through to finish . Not anxiety of wanting to drink , more like a scared feeling , for lack of a better word .
Could I still be running away and not confronting my past head on and need to look further into this ?
I did some therapy , but they didn't tell me anything I didn't already know . Plus I'm on anxiety meds . Has anyone else experienced this and if so could you give me some ideas on things that will help .

RDBplus3

Thanks for the post, NestWasEmpty,

For ME the answer is the 8th & 9th Steps, however they come AFTER working Steps 1 thru 7 before 8 & 9.
That reminds me of the kids' joke:
Why is 6 afraid of 7? ... Because 7 ate (Eight) 9

Then MY daily situations are handled by working the Daily Steps ... 10,11,12.

It really is a way of life for ME - Living Life on Life's Terms, without creating the resentments, anxieties, and underlying fear that came with living life on Self-Will-Run-Riot.

RDBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous and FREE ... It happened in ME thru WORKING the 12 Steps, and is maintained by WORKING the Daily Steps

NestWasEmpty

Thanks RD , You know that maybe something to look into . Years ago on one of my many wanting to get sober . I went to a few AA meetings . Actually had a Book .
I've been sober 2 years this month If I remember right , they have meetings here , I could go in and check it out .

Soberwolf

Your doing great Nest that was then this is now your 2 years sober which is amazing

NestWasEmpty

soberwolf, Yes I'm doing ok , been doing a lot of thinking . It's not just rehashing my past here . I'm going through a relationship dilemma too , that's really getting to me . Bothering me more than I care to admit . I have a post here about it . I think it's titled "Seeing The Signs ". I'm going to go read over others ideas again . It helped me . Thank you for the praise - I don't get that very often in my home life

Soberwolf

(((((Nest)))))

NestWasEmpty

soberwolf

Anna

You are doing great and it's so important that you are a concerned about your feelings and your relationship.

I do think it's necessary to go through the issues in your life that led to using alcohol to manage. I was in my forties when I began drinking and had previously been coping by being a control-freak, so I had a lot of stuff to work on. Plus, I have generalized anxiety, so I'm often aware of it, but have learned coping mechanisms.

TroyW

(((Nest)))

Yeah, I think that's what keeps many of us drinking, actually. Fear of confronting the past / child hood.

blueberry2015

Did you try CBT or Counselling? Ive found CBT helpful in the past. My therapist recommended and ap called headspace which is short ten min meditations to help in times of anxiety and stress. Im using it a lot at the mo and its helping x

tomsteve

These sentences hit me as I can really relate. I drank,to escape my past- to TRY and forget what I had done and said and also what was done and said to me. Putting it all on the back burner and not facing it- staying in self pity a d drunk.
When I got sober i was no longer in denial about my past. I was no longer trying to stuff it. I knew, without really knowing, that it held a key. A key to how I was who I was, how I felt about me, and also the future me.
Talking about it....did that a LOT at the bar, but it was all in a self pity state and also not talking to anyone that could help me find out the causes and conditions. In all honesty, I didn't want a solution at the time- just to find someone to join me in a pity party.
I had a lot of one person pity parties.
I got sober through AA.mthe steps were a real eye opener. The fourth step found causes and conditions for how I was who I was. I was looking at all that stuff on the back burner and confronting it all head on.
The remainder of the steps changed how I was who I was.
And today my past no longer haunts me. It is a very valuable possession I have. Today I can look at my past( but not wise to stare) and say," yup, that was me. I did that. I put in a lot of footwork, fixed what I could,have made a lot of changes in me and thank God I'm not that man any more."

I still talk to people when there's something misaligned in me, but it's very important for me who that is . to get solutions, I found it best to do it with someone that understands, like my sponsor or others in recovery.

NestWasEmpty

This is so very nice of you all to give me ideas to help me though this
Anna I was somewhat like you I didn't start till late 40's , everything in my house had to be clean and in order . After my kids grew up and left , than my divorce . I was became lost . I didn't realize till now how many feelings I have pushed away so I wouldn't feel the pain .
Troy Yes , after I didn't have my family to occupy myself with , my past flooded in and swallowed me up drinking took it away
Blueberry , I did try therapy a couple time for drinking & my bad past . To me it seemed they had crazy ways to deal with it & asked the same questions over & over . If anything I was more upset after, than dreaded the days I would go. Can I get the ap you mention on my laptop ? I don't have anything not even a smart phone type thing . I have trouble enough fingering out how to do a lot of stuff on here .

Dee74

I've never been triggered here but like Anna I had to face some old old stuff because it was that stuff that led me to discover drinking on the first place.

The most valuable thing I learned was it's ok to go at your own speed, or to tackle a particularly difficult memory from other angles.

A counsellor really helped me - even if she did tell me what I already knew she gave me an outside perspective on it which was really helpful

D

NestWasEmpty

SR site doesn't want to cooperate with me tonight . Had a nice long reply to all your helpful replies and it got lost in space
I sat out side and meditated today . Thought back to my past . Looked deep & told myself your not that person anymore . You don't have to be afraid of anything your stronger than you ever were , even before alcohol .
Made me open my eyes more , never really worked on those feelings . I think I will do that a little each day , to calm that scared feeling .
I'm pretty happy with myself & peaceful tonight for dealing with it Great pick me up replies . Thanks Everyone !!

blueberry2015

Im not sure hun, its worth a google! I hope if you find it, it will help x Good Luck x

RDBplus3

Hello again NWE

Another suggestion that has been great for me is to do a Web Search for Recovery Speaker Messages. There are a lot of messages that are uplifting, informative, entertaining, and most are free. Of the many that are out there, 2 specific Web searches I have gotten a lot from are 'Joe and Charlie Big Book Study' & 'Melbourne Steps Weekend - Recordings'.

Thanks for your posts NWE, you have a lot to contribute to this Sober Recovery Community.

RDBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous and FREE

RDBplus3

and I wanted to add, NestWasEmpty ...

I really like your statement: When all else Fails - Try Again ... I have to do that as a continual 'dialing-in' to keep focused on my Solution-based way of living that I learned thru working the steps, and to maintain / grow my yearning to LIVE in my Spiritual Nature, and to keep FREE from my Flesh Nature which tries to drag me into the old habits of living on Self-Will-Run-Riot.

Also, would you mind typing out the wording on your Member pic and your Signature pic? I am curious and can't quite read them ... please ...

LBrain

Hello Nest...

The past. Yeah, some of us have a past we'd rather not remember. Unfortunately it is our past that brought us here. We should not forget our 'past' so that we may use it as a reminder of why we are 'here'. But we should also not let the past rule us. There are a hundred sayings or expressions about letting go of the past. Unfortunately, for those of us who acted in ways that were harmful or hurtful, some of our past is not easily swept under the rug.
I think this is when the taking of a personal inventory is helpful. Then categorize the list - analyze your past in a not so emotional manner. Look at it 'scientifically' and separate 'events'. Then address them in a matter-of-fact kind of way. Assign them a number of importance as in, does this need any further action or can it be regarded as a mistake I made and move on. Rid yourself of these events one by one or wholesale if you can. The ones that damaged people or relationships can be dealt with individually. Is it worth bringing this up again - opening old wounds? Or is it best to just let it go?
Do people still hold a grudge or do they carry some event with them and hold it against you? Do you want to clear the air with this person? Is it worth it? The variables are infinite as to how to handle our 'past'. But if we take a methodical approach and start to narrow down that list, the burden of our past will become smaller and smaller until the past becomes just that, the past. Also, pick a time to bring up the past to yourself. Turn it off until you are prepared to address it. Be in charge of your thoughts and don't let it overwhelm you. We are our own worst enemies at times. We let our thoughts wander and overtake us. Not necessary. We cannot change the past and it will always be there when we are prepared to address it.

And for me, I don't have to discuss my past with anyone else if I so choose. That baloney about making a confession to another person or god or whomever is total nonsense. You only have to acknowledge your mistakes to yourself if you wish, meditate on it and let it go.


edit: I left out an important part. Forgive yourself! We must be generous to ourselves when it comes to letting go of the past. Forgiveness to oneself is paramount to achieving this.

NestWasEmpty

I am a Warrior Woman .
You may knock me down ..
But I won't stay down !

I just woke up one day & Decided
I didn't want to feel like that again
So I changed

NestWasEmpty

There you go RDB , Thanks for bringing that to my attention ! Aww Love that little smiley with the flower You gave me lots of ideas , I will definitely check out them online Picker uppers .
I found this site looking for Inspiration for being sober 2 years , I ended up getting that & so much more . Makes my Heart feel good to help .
LBrian , Your reply gave me Good useful things for me to work on . Never really knew how to go about fixing what I went though . Except the normal - I'm sorry for what I put you though will family & if you can't forgive me I understand .. I believe that could be why I fell off the wagon so many times , in the past. I didn't work on dealing with my past Was an eye Opening message for sure .