Jillian2563

Messed up last night. But I'm still trying.

Here's a good tune for your morning.

Sometimes you got to trust your instincts and let go of regret....

https://youtu.be/JjTjtJDZomw

Soberwolf

Have you got a recovery plan Jillian

Jillian2563

Not really. I just don't understand how a recovery "plan" should work I guess. I mean, I wanted to drink last night, so even with a "plan", I think I would've drank anyway. Just trying my best to not drink. I know I can do it, I have before. I'm still waiting for the feeling of NOT wanting to drink to get greater than the feeling of wanting to drink.

ccam1973

Jillian, we have all been where you are now. I know I have. It really helped me to have a plan; like SW said earlier. That's to say, have an internal map laid out for when you come across obstacles.

Your AV is always going to pop up and tell you that it is ok to drink, that you deserve a drink, that you don't really want to quit or that you don't really have any issues with alcohol at all.

For me, a plan was to get me through those obstacles. Any time the cravings would hit I would kick my plan into action. I had to divert my attention until the cravings passed. I would go work out, go for a walk, jump on SR, get the kids and go for a bike ride, work on my son's remote control truck; i.e. my hobby...

Anything to get you through the cravings. It will get easier, but you need to have a plan to get you through the tough times. Once you start negotiating with your AV, you've already lost the battle for the day.

You also need a plan for when you are with others and feel the need or urge to drink socially. For me, this was an entirely different plan-set and was more of a mental one since I would be physically stuck in the situation.

Anyway, just food for thought. It will be much easier on you if you have a strategy for when your AV tells you that it's ok to have that drink.

You can do this and won't regret the decision not to drink, I promise.

NestWasEmpty

Have you ever thought or wondered what alcohol can do to your body the longer you drink ? How will it affect your daily life the deeper and longer you drink. Did you read any others posts on how hard it is to stop the longer you keep drinking ? That feeling may come to late to want to try stop . It will be even more difficult the longer you wait .
I really hope you reconsider thinking this over in more detail . Good luck Jillian

TroyW

(((Jillian)))

Jillian2563

[QUOTE="ccam1973;5480051"]Anything to get you through the cravings. It will get easier, but you need to have a plan to get you through the tough times. Once you start negotiating with your AV, you've already lost the battle for the day.

To be honest, that's exactly what happened. I wasn't prepared nor did I have a plan yesterday and my AV won.

Empty nest, I know what it is doing to me. And it needs to stop. My health is not where it should be. My gallbladder is not functioning properly, and in order for me to change that, I KNOW I shouldn't drink.

Someone posted yesterday about a story their dr shared with them and a young person dying from alcohol abuse. And although it reminded ME, why I was quitting, I still picked up.

Staying close to SR today. I almost posted last night before drinking but didn't 😢

Thanks Troy. Made me a title teary eyed, such a cute picture.

Banjoist

Hi Jillian - happy Friday to you, too

Personally, as it pertains to any addiction I've had, I repeat this quote from Dave Ramsey to myself...it helps ground me when I'm feeling unsure or impulsive:

"A child does what feels good. An adult devises a plan and follows it."

The quote helped me a great deal when I was trying to get my out-of-control finances under control, and I'm hoping it'll help me now. If I only do what my feelings dictate, I will be "like the waves of the ocean." Feelings are, by their very nature, fleeting and unpredictable.

You know what the right thing to do is, so you should lay out a path that you will follow regardless of how you feel in a given evening...and we're here to help encourage you

You can do it - you just need to get you to listen to you

NestWasEmpty

I'm sorry to hear about your health Jillian . I believe I should learn not to come on too strong . That's the only way it helped me . If my Dr hadn't scared me when he did , I believe I may not have stopped
Thanks for opening up my eyes that we all have our own ways to try to recover

Jillian2563

You are not coming onto strong at all! I thought that if I received not so good news from the dr, I'd quit too. But it's been tough. I have been sober more this year though than in past years do I guess that's a start.

Jillian2563

Thanks Ron. I hope I start listening to myself too. I do know the right thing to do, there's just a daily battle between the good and bad me.

Fly N Buy

I walked into the rooms a little over a year back. I was debating on staying or not - really figured I quit "someday" maybe just not that day.

One day a gent sat down next to me. He was an interesting shade of greenish/yellow. I had never seen anyone with severe liver issues.

He looked at me and smiled. Do I look yellow to you he asked. Yes.
Are my eyes yellow?

I did not even want to look. I did though - Yes, the whites of your eyes are very yellow. Have you gone to the doctor?????

Do you think I need to?

Yes.......


I am on day 411 today - have not had drink in over 13 months. My plan is not to die of end stage liver disease as the result of alcoholism. The action I repeat daily saves my life, today - I do not pick up regardless of how I "feel " or what has happened in my life.

Make no mistake, I probably will still die sooner than I might otherwise have due to excessive drinking for over 30 years. I can't change that.............

When we are ready, we quit. Sobriety does not fall from the sky, it starts with acceptance and willingness. Until those points are reached there is very little hope in my experience.

Keep coming back

CaseyW

Glad you're back but sorry you made the decision to take that first drink, Jillian. A big part of a good recovery plan is having specific steps to take between the time those cravings hit and you actually take that first drink. Posting here and asking for help BEFORE the drink has helped me in the past.

Remember you don't have to take that first drink no matter what. And as long as you don't take the first, you can't take the second or third or tenth drink that will almost always follow.

ElleDee

Hi Jillian... Happy Friday! I have had to stop drinking for my health. My liver was showing signs of stress from all the booze. I'm also a diabetic and my doctor said I will never be able to control my blood glucose if I keep drinking. I don't want cirrhosis or all the horrible things that can come from uncontrolled diabetes. It's been a struggle.

You can do this!

PurpleKnight

Hoping, wishing, waiting or willing things to change didn't get me far!!

I needed a plan and a proactive strategy to make Sobriety happen, waiting for it to happen never happened.

You can do this Jillian, but a plan of action may be something to consider!!