Chino

That's the text she sent us yesterday evening. You know the first thing that crossed my mind? I had no idea she goes to meetings. I don't know anything about her addiction/recovery for the last few years. To the best of my knowledge she's been on the wagon for 5+ years.

I wanted to share it as a way of thanking and acknowledging quite a few people here. Some were gentle while others were rough; all were helpful! I learned something from every person who bothered to help when I asked. Maybe it will also inspire others to "let go."

The way we helped our 27 year old former IV opiate addict daughter was to do all the wrong things first, but they were helpful later on when she chose recovery.

I had all the best treatments lined up and coerced her into all of them: 12 step; non 12 step; rapid detox; regular detox; 12 step rehab; non 12 step rehab; psychiatrists; neurologists; psychologists; AA etc etc.

She learned something valuable from all of them and put things into practice when she was ready. I don't know exactly what because it's her business, not mine.

But I do know why she feels lucky to have us as parents because she's shared that with me: I stopped trying to parent an adult. I quit trying to fix her and worked on fixing myself. I became a much stronger, healthier version of my old self.

We never stopped loving her, especially when we had to go no contact to save and protect our home, ourselves. Everything became so precious when we were finally able to spend a few moments here or there together.

Our unconditional love did not save her, it was always waiting for her to reclaim it. I'm so grateful she made that choice and continues to make it, one day at a time.

hopeful4

So grateful she chose recovery, for all of you!!!!

INgal

This makes me happier than any post I've seen yet! Thank you for sharing.

GardenMama

Gave me goosebumps and a lump in my throat, Chino. Such a good post. Thank you!

Ilovemysonjj

Thank you for this! I am resonating on the part of letting go and stop trying to parent an adult.

alterity

Chino, I remember you from 5+ years ago when I started coming to this site. I am soooooooooooooo glad to read such a positive post. Gives me hope!

allthatsgood

What a beautiful and uplifting post. Thank you for sharing that with us. So happy your daughter found recovery,

Vale

As a rule, ducks don't get all misty.

....not all rules get followed.

Anaya

"The way we helped our 27 year old former IV opiate addict daughter was to do all the wrong things first, but they were helpful later on when she chose recovery. " Well said, Chino. I can relate.

Thank you for sharing. Your message inspires. Blessings to you and your family.

elissa1962

Wonderful post. Hope to write one similar one day. Thanks for sharing. God bless.

Ann

Your entire post just wrapped itself around my heart, Chino, I have walked with you during this journey and you have always been an inspiration to me and all who read you.

That sentence quoted above is a very short but exact description of what recovery is and means to a parent of an addict. A "how to" of the clearest kind.

Thank you for this wonderful post and for sharing your light with all of us for many years now.

Hugs and Hugs
Ann

refuser

Maybe we have to do the wrong things first, so that when they are ready, they will have those tools. If we don't force the meetings, the rehabs, the detoxs, the psychiatrists, etc, will they be around to realize it?

Chino

refuser,

For me, force and coercion was an illusion. My daughter did just enough of whatever I demanded to keep herself comfortable. She even went to so far as to do an inpatient detox because I threatened to kick her out. She told me later she immediately went to her dealers house upon discharge.

She also told me she remembers the day I set her free. I forgot what I said but she remembers. I guess I told her I was already mourning her death because she was surely heading towards it, and I couldn't stay in this painful place forever.

I recently shared with her that one of the most important things I've learned, is to stop making other people's stuff about me. The more I tried to control her, the more I made it about me. A recent visit to my doctor's office drove home the point: the nurse couldn't get a good stick after two tries so she stopped and got another nurse. She said they were taught after two tries they were making it about their own egos.

I wish you all the best on your journey

MsPINKAcres

((Chino))

it was a long hard road - but I'm so glad you stayed your course & allowed your daughter to walk her own path ~

May continued blessings of recovery be with both of you always!

PINK HUGS!!!