Bookaboo2

Today it has been 7 days since I have seen my ABF. We have talked on the phone briefly. Still sounds pretty sick in his thinking. Honestly I want to see him but I don't. I have 2 tell myself I miss the old him when he was sober for 8 years. This person that he has become is who I would be greeted if I see him. I was really anxious today bc I started thinking what if I go 2 long without seeing him. I might fall out of love with him smh crazy thoughts. I he been going to see my therapist and Alnon meetings. My therapist tells me am taking good care of myself but honestly it doesn't feel like it. But am gonna keep going though

LexieCat

"Falling out of love" would be a normal and healthy response to someone who is incapable of returning that love. "In love with" implies a certain reciprocity--the giving and receiving of love.

Seven days is barely a drop in the bucket. You cannot possibly judge how the rest of your life will look and feel based on how you feel right now. Keep doing what you're doing.

FeelingGreat

It's tough, but you left him for a good reason, and he's still drinking. Think of yourself as being on a hard journey to good destination. I went to a Catholic school and the nuns taught us that the rocky road leads upwards to heaven and the smooth road leads us in the opposite direction.
I'm not religious now, but the general principle sounds right to me.

LemonGirl

But you ARE taking care of yourself!

Sometimes it takes the brain and the heart to catch up once we've made decisions that are ultimately in our best interest. You left... you seem to be limiting contact as you need it... you have a counselor... you are going to Alanon... you are coming to SR....

Look what a great job you are doing in taking care of you!
Keep going, and the healing will follow suit!

Uplifting

I am right there with you.. The taking care of ourselves is so hard, I am still finding it difficult to do but am being more mindful of it and really really working at just like it sounds you are. I have had 6 days no contact, which is long for me and he is still drinking and still contacting me through email and trying in other ways and I am not responding. Unfortunately, through all my own fault I will need to be in contact with him at least once monthly for an apartment arrangement for another couple months and that I am dreading. So I am trying to walk the line between taking care of myself in a healthy way with boundaries but also be accountable and responsible for actions I took on my own that have consequences, it is a hard and stressful line to walk. So I appreciate Alanon and being on here immensely. I wish you all the support you need to continue your path as well!

Bookaboo2

Thank you very much for the replies. I spoke with my ABF and he asked me if i would like to attend a AA function this upcoming weekend. I told him that I feel that it's better that we continue to have no contact. I stated that although this is a very hard thing to do its necessary. I have to focus on myself in order to begin to recovery from this hurt. That was a very hard thing for me to do yall have no idea. Am gonna try with all my might to keep making decisions that make me the priority. Regardless of how much I have the urge to want to take care of him. Am gonna force myself to take care of myself. It takes 21 days to make habit and I might need more than that.