SoberComposer

Hi SR,

I hope all is doing well. About 2 months ago, when I was almost 9 months sober, I mowed the lawn and went out for food then ordered a beer. I didn't want more and actually did not have a drink for about a week. Even then it was no big deal for awhile but then started up to a half pint most weekdays (nothing on weekends). I then met this girl and all was great for awhile. We had fun but it wasn't a healthy thing because of her personal life and we are on different mental places in life, so I talked to her and we eventually broke it off. Then last week, I found out that I am getting laid off in 2-5 months. This was a shock for me because I was planning on settling down here and try to meet that special someone.

Anyway, I decided to quit drinking 7 days ago because my life is so anxiety ridden now and fully know that alcohol relief will seriously dilute any plans for success in my crazy situation. The problem is that I just feel bedridden with depression. Since I began drinking a little during the weekdays I felt okay (possibly still the happiness/confidence of almost nine months sober) but then with problems with that girl I began to feel alone and just not my happy self. Just that alone was warning that I should quit drinking again.. Happiness and confidence. But the job thing was enough for me to confirm that then was the time. It seems that alcohol has an inevitable depressive effect on me, even with moderation. I think that may be because I don't like feeling abandoned and alone. Even though I wanted to end seeing that girl for the benefit of an ultimatly bad relationship and heartbreak.. I still miss the affection.

Anyway.. As I said.. Shortly after I started moderately drinking.. I was back to a good buzz during most of the weekdays. Even though I only really got drunk twice I learned that I have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. A relationship that I am aware of and creates guilt when I do it frequently.. This takes me away from my happy self. I look forward to gaining my time back and stop playing with notions of drinking. Ultimately I just want to be happy, confident and emotionally self reliant. I want a healthy relationship and a happy life instead of a solitary one with intoxication.

I feel physically horrible though at 7 days and not sure if its alcohol withdrawal effects, losing my job or the girl (missing affection).. or a mix of all. I just feel lost and physically sick.. no energy/dizzy and high anxiety. I felt the job was the main cause but I bet it may be mostly withdrawal effects. By the way, our office getting laid off is not related to alcohol or anything due to us.

Any advice or thoughts would be helpful!

It's good to be back SR,

-SC

ScottFromWI

Welcome back SoberComposer. I too tried to "moderate" my drinking after a period of abstinence several times, and every time I ended up back at full bore/eveery day drinking eventually. It's inevitable for an alcoholic really.

You are definitely going through a lot now, and depression could definitely be part of it. Since you are 7 days sober you may still be feeling some physical witdhrawal effects too, and remember that it's also possible for psychological stress and issues to manifest themselves physically. You could get a checkup or see a doctor if you think the physical symptoms are not getting better or bother you. Consider seeing a therapist too if you think you may be depressed..it's a very treatable condition.

SoberComposer

Thank you Scott. I will try to find a good therapist and make an appointment while I still have insurance. I think your right, it may very well be due to the mind affecting the body because its critical I find a good job soon and due to my location the good ones are out of state. Just alot of stress. Last night I had 8 hours of sleep and feel worse today. I will also consider seeing a doctor if I don't feel better tomorrow.

Thanks for the advice and support.

PurpleKnight

Welcome back SoberComposer!!

That spiral sounds very familiar, been there and went round the moderation experiment for a long time, but soon things were always back to their worst.

Go at things again, you can make Sobriety happen again!!

SoberComposer

Thanks PurpleKnight, I appreciate the welcome back and support.

SereneEdition

Welcome back SC -

Sounds like you have a few things that would make someone not feel their best.

Scott has some great advice.

When emotions are raw, taking things one day at a time can help too.

Dee74

Welcome back from me too SC. I always felt pretty bad at the end of week one - at the end of my drinking career anyway.

Give yourself a little time.

Have you got a new and improved recovery plan at all?

D

SoberComposer

Thank you Dee, it's good to be back and welcomed .

I haven't thought of a recovery plan until you asked me what mine was but I will continue to come here to read and post. That has always been invaluable to stay in the game and trying to help others is also good for my sobriety. Another thing is staying on my Journal. When I quit coming here and quit doing the journal then my guard was down and my confidence was up. I didn't consciously quit but became very busy learning a 3d software program/music stuff/gaming/working out and didn't continue my sober maintainence.

Thanks for getting my focus on a plan.

Thanks Dee and everyone at SR,

-SC

Hevyn

Great to see you back, SC! We missed you.

Soberpotamus

Good to see you back, SoberComposer

That's a lot to deal with at once. Sorry to hear about your layoff.

SoberComposer

Thanks for your support Soberpotamus,

I'm just glad I quit drinking the day after I found out. This has the possibility of me finding a more stable and better paying job but only if I am positive and have all my senses, strength, courage and confidence. I am glad to be back and looking forward to feeling better to tackle these challenges.

Charlie117926

Welcome back SC. Glad to hear from you again. If you did it for 9 months. There is no doubt you can go beyond that. Congrats on 7 days.

Serenidad

You can do it!!! :-)

happyandfree

Welcome back, SC. Hang in there and you should be feeling better soon. We all know that the first few weeks are the toughest. But I truly believe that if you can abstain from drinking, you will find solutions to the problems that you are having. You are having a lot to deal with, but drinking will only make it all worse. You can make it through this and you can get your happy self back.