Very new, very frightened
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 10
Very new, very frightened
Hello,
My first time on any forum, I am so new at this, so very scared, confused...etc... From reading some on here, I understand this is common here. For me it is not.
I am very lost, my son who is 24 is an addict, his drug of choice is something called black tar heroin. He supposedly snorts it?
I have found many insulin syringes with no needles, so I assume that is what he is doing. For many months he lied well enough to slip past my gut.( I know, always trust your gut. ) Finally admitted to what he was doing. still not sure I got the whole truth, and from reading on here, addicts lie. Plain and simple.
My family has washed their hands of him and tell me they want no part of him. It really hurt me, I felt like families should pull together in tough times . My son has not stolen, or disrespected any of them, only myself and his sister.
I feel alone now and uncertain where to turn.
I kicked him out twice now, and found him sleeping at the pool in my apartment complex. This will get me evicted. We live in a 1 bedroom apartment, he has added his addicted g/f, whom they ripped my heart out in April telling me they are expecting. I suspect the drugs have continued, breaks my heart! Not sure what to do.
I am torn between providing a home for my future grandchild, and making sure she gets to dr appt......etc. ..or kicking them both out. Both are going to have a huge impact on my life. I am already fragile from dealing with all of this all alone for 2 years now. I tried seeking help and found none.
I was so relieved to find this site. I divorced in 2011 , I had found out my ex had begun using heroin and had a young girl as his new girlfriend. Clueless on all accounts, I made him move out. Divorced him, what I didn't forsee was my ex getting my son addicted . So l have no help from that direction either.
Starting over after 28 years of marriage , with an addict son, I have very little money, there are no treatment programs that I can find that don't cost a fortune. I did find a meeting group he can and has begun attending, It only meets once a week.
So I guess to sum up, am I doing the right thing?
From anyone's experience, is one meeting a week, really going to help?
I am not easily offended, hit me with the truth, I will be most grateful for any stories that may help me.
My sanity, my future, my happiness depend on things changing.
It must begin now before I lose it all!
Thank you for listening.
Asha
My first time on any forum, I am so new at this, so very scared, confused...etc... From reading some on here, I understand this is common here. For me it is not.
I am very lost, my son who is 24 is an addict, his drug of choice is something called black tar heroin. He supposedly snorts it?
I have found many insulin syringes with no needles, so I assume that is what he is doing. For many months he lied well enough to slip past my gut.( I know, always trust your gut. ) Finally admitted to what he was doing. still not sure I got the whole truth, and from reading on here, addicts lie. Plain and simple.
My family has washed their hands of him and tell me they want no part of him. It really hurt me, I felt like families should pull together in tough times . My son has not stolen, or disrespected any of them, only myself and his sister.
I feel alone now and uncertain where to turn.
I kicked him out twice now, and found him sleeping at the pool in my apartment complex. This will get me evicted. We live in a 1 bedroom apartment, he has added his addicted g/f, whom they ripped my heart out in April telling me they are expecting. I suspect the drugs have continued, breaks my heart! Not sure what to do.
I am torn between providing a home for my future grandchild, and making sure she gets to dr appt......etc. ..or kicking them both out. Both are going to have a huge impact on my life. I am already fragile from dealing with all of this all alone for 2 years now. I tried seeking help and found none.
I was so relieved to find this site. I divorced in 2011 , I had found out my ex had begun using heroin and had a young girl as his new girlfriend. Clueless on all accounts, I made him move out. Divorced him, what I didn't forsee was my ex getting my son addicted . So l have no help from that direction either.
Starting over after 28 years of marriage , with an addict son, I have very little money, there are no treatment programs that I can find that don't cost a fortune. I did find a meeting group he can and has begun attending, It only meets once a week.
So I guess to sum up, am I doing the right thing?
From anyone's experience, is one meeting a week, really going to help?
I am not easily offended, hit me with the truth, I will be most grateful for any stories that may help me.
My sanity, my future, my happiness depend on things changing.
It must begin now before I lose it all!
Thank you for listening.
Asha
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,444
Hi and Welcome,
I can understand your concern since there is an unborn child involved. Unfortunately there is little you can do unless your son & g/f decide to help themselves.
There is free help available at the Salvation Army. It offers free rehab to anyone who wants it. Here is the link:
The Salvation Army Family Stores
Support for yourself is very important and you can find that here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...tance-abusers/
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ly-alcoholics/
and also at:
nar-anon.org
alanon.org
I can understand your concern since there is an unborn child involved. Unfortunately there is little you can do unless your son & g/f decide to help themselves.
There is free help available at the Salvation Army. It offers free rehab to anyone who wants it. Here is the link:
The Salvation Army Family Stores
Support for yourself is very important and you can find that here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...tance-abusers/
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ly-alcoholics/
and also at:
nar-anon.org
alanon.org
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Florida
Posts: 298
Oh, Asha, my heart goes out to you. Prayers and hugs. 
Hang in there. I don't know about resources there in TX, but maybe a social worker can help you sort things out and figure out some options.
There's a friends and family forum here in SR, too.... Oh, I just saw Anna already has that in her post.
Hang in there. I don't know about resources there in TX, but maybe a social worker can help you sort things out and figure out some options.
There's a friends and family forum here in SR, too.... Oh, I just saw Anna already has that in her post.
Last edited by KaleGrrl; 07-21-2015 at 07:20 PM. Reason: added last sentence
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 347
most suggets 90 meetings in 90 days. i think i missed two in that time easter sunday and one other.
its a very hard thing when dealing with someone elses disease. u may consider al anon to learn how to deal with addicts. no one can help him if he doesnt want it. its a good sign hes at least going to meetings.
personally id think heroin is ahrd to kick without detox or rehab or both. my detox and rehab was free the state of texas paid for it. through a program called BACODA.
its a very hard thing when dealing with someone elses disease. u may consider al anon to learn how to deal with addicts. no one can help him if he doesnt want it. its a good sign hes at least going to meetings.
personally id think heroin is ahrd to kick without detox or rehab or both. my detox and rehab was free the state of texas paid for it. through a program called BACODA.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi Asha, you will find more people who understand what you're going through on the Friends and Family of Substance Abusers Forum at this site.
What an awful situation for you. I don't see that having your adult son, and DIL and baby staying at your place is sustainable. Are they bringing in any money or just mooching off you?
They will deny having any place to go, however she presumably has parents and he has a father so there are 2 options. As a previous poster has mentioned, the Salvation Army runs free rehab.
Normally there might be some wriggle room on the accommodation but you just don't have the ability to support 2 adults. Maybe tell them to be out in a week and hold the line firmly - get the locks changed and talk to the police if you have to.
The thing is - they'll be able to keep up with their habit if they have access to your food and apartment because it takes a lot of incentive to break free of an addiction. Tell your son you will be evicted if he sleeps at the pool and hopefully he won't, seeing you say he has been reasonably respectful so far.
Do you have any family members who can support you? I know the rest of the family have washed their hands of him, and you can see why, but they still have good will for you. I also suggest joining Nar-anon (for family and friends of addicted) where you will meet many people who have gone through this.
What an awful situation for you. I don't see that having your adult son, and DIL and baby staying at your place is sustainable. Are they bringing in any money or just mooching off you?
They will deny having any place to go, however she presumably has parents and he has a father so there are 2 options. As a previous poster has mentioned, the Salvation Army runs free rehab.
Normally there might be some wriggle room on the accommodation but you just don't have the ability to support 2 adults. Maybe tell them to be out in a week and hold the line firmly - get the locks changed and talk to the police if you have to.
The thing is - they'll be able to keep up with their habit if they have access to your food and apartment because it takes a lot of incentive to break free of an addiction. Tell your son you will be evicted if he sleeps at the pool and hopefully he won't, seeing you say he has been reasonably respectful so far.
Do you have any family members who can support you? I know the rest of the family have washed their hands of him, and you can see why, but they still have good will for you. I also suggest joining Nar-anon (for family and friends of addicted) where you will meet many people who have gone through this.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Auckland
Posts: 2,548
That is heartbreaking. My heart really goes out to you too. You are absolutely right - your family should be supporting you and your son. He's only 24 for goodness sake. I wish I knew what to suggest but I have no idea about the availability of help in the U.S. That's great about the weekly meetings. Are there any free telephone-help lines that deal with addiction that you and your son could use to support himself on a daily basis? If he could ring and speak to the same person regularly and make a good connection it might be helpful. It might also be a good idea for you to speak to someone too to get assistance from an expert about how to best respond in this situation. It sounds like you have been doing marvelously coping on your own. I think there are specific threads in this forum you can look at for help as a loved one of someone who is struggling with substance abuse. Keep posting and receiving support. Much love xxxx
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 72
Asha, I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. You are doing the best thing you can for yourself as his mother by seeking support and help from others who understand what your son is going through and also you as his family. The family members that don't want anything to do with him do not understand that addiction is a disease. Meetings are great and I'm sorry I dont know much to help you as far as getting him into a rehab program but that is an important step for opiate addiction. Keep seeking support and educating yourself about addiction. You are doing the right thing
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 10
Sorry if I posted in the wrong area, it said to start here��.
I will go to the area Anna suggested. Thank you all for the replies, hugs and good wishes. It means more to me than you will ever know!
I will go to the area Anna suggested. Thank you all for the replies, hugs and good wishes. It means more to me than you will ever know!
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
I don't think anybody was shooing you away from here--far from it! If you are new or are looking for a wide range of help, this forum is your best bet.
It's just that SR has additional places that specialize in precisely the problems you face!
It's just that SR has additional places that specialize in precisely the problems you face!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 347
Bay Area Council on Drugs & Alcohol
heres the site to the bay area council on drugs and alcohol. i see that you are in texas as am I. they helped me get rehab and detox for free.
heres the site to the bay area council on drugs and alcohol. i see that you are in texas as am I. they helped me get rehab and detox for free.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: midwest
Posts: 484
Originally Posted by Gilmer 
I have no experience either, Asha, and no special wisdom--but like DitzyDandelion I just want to send you a hug. 
Welcome to SR! This is a wonderful place.
Welcome to SR! This is a wonderful place.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,632
Hi Asha -
You'll find support here on SR. You're between a rock and a hardplace, and you'll need support to get through this. Message anytime on newcomers. F&F can give more nuanced advice as most of us on newcomers are addicts ourselves.
It sounds like the priority is doing what you can to encourage momma to get off drugs so that the baby is healthy, as that is the only thing that is irreversible.
Good news - She should qualify for free programs.
Bad news - you can't do it for her. She'll need to want to stop for it to have any positive effect. Do you know what she wants to do with respect to her addiction?
After that, the best thing you can do is to take care of yourself - if you don't do that, you're not in a position to help anyone else.
You will get through this.
You'll find support here on SR. You're between a rock and a hardplace, and you'll need support to get through this. Message anytime on newcomers. F&F can give more nuanced advice as most of us on newcomers are addicts ourselves.
It sounds like the priority is doing what you can to encourage momma to get off drugs so that the baby is healthy, as that is the only thing that is irreversible.
Good news - She should qualify for free programs.
Bad news - you can't do it for her. She'll need to want to stop for it to have any positive effect. Do you know what she wants to do with respect to her addiction?
After that, the best thing you can do is to take care of yourself - if you don't do that, you're not in a position to help anyone else.
You will get through this.
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