Tired of the fight but much stronger now

Old 07-20-2015, 05:28 PM
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Tired of the fight but much stronger now

Hi SR friends
Haven't posted in a while.
Everything has been reasonably smooth.
Today the calm broke.
8 years after separation, 1 1/2 years in court , $4000 debt & a parental order in place & the XH is causing problems again.
He doesn't understand the order, hasn't from the beginning. The xmas holidays he mucked up & lost time with the girls, the 1st holidays he got around the wrong way & I changed my weeks around to accommodate, the 2nd holidays just been he has to ask me when he had them & now when we are back to school he is disputing whose weekend is with them this first weekend!
It is very confusing for the children when Dad is telling them one thing & Mum another. I have the whole year marked out on my calendar & colour coded though. Things have got nasty again & he is adamant he is right & I am wrong. The last I heard from him this morning he has said he is going to go & see the court because I am wrong. I spent a big part of the morning going through legals with a fine tooth comb & found paperwork that will support that I am right.
If he goes to the court I would imagine they will tell him that but if not & he tries to take legal action I have all the necessary paperwork to prove what I am saying is right.
I am so over this. I thought the order would produce stability & to a point it has but he always finds some way to disrupt the schedule. I am much stronger & wiser now & although this is stressful & my heart raced at the texts I received I am able to be proactive yet sit & wait for any legal action.
I'll never be free from this nasty man but I can outsmart him.
Watch this space.
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Old 07-20-2015, 05:37 PM
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what a jerk. make multiple copies of the parenting plan and EVERY time he seems to "not understand" hand him/mail him another copy. and if he keeps it up, its time to contact YOUR lawyer because he is in violation OF the order.

yes you can outsmart him. i have socks that could outsmart him! i'm so sorry you have to endure, but you WILL endure.

love the color coded calendar.
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Old 07-20-2015, 06:22 PM
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I did speak briefly with my lawyer but would be looking at an additional $400 & a 2 week delay to look at it.
If he is disagreeing with it then he can pay for it.
With the paperwork I now have I could represent myself.
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Old 07-20-2015, 06:29 PM
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Attagirl! You sound good--sorry you're having to deal with a brain-dead idiot.
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Old 07-20-2015, 06:38 PM
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Good for you, Rosie.
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Old 07-20-2015, 07:33 PM
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My A dad used to do this kind of stuff to my mom. He'd get all wound up about something and drag her to court and then end up having to pay her legal fees or his child support would increase.
She told me about the last time it happened. He started obsessing about a bank account they'd had when they were married (this was years after the divorce) and took her to court demanding to know who had closed the account. She didn't even bother with her lawyer, just went to the bank and got the signature card showing that he'd been the one to close it. He ended up looking like a complete fool and finally gave up the legal maneuvering after that.
Hopefully yours will wear himself out before too long, like a toddler having a tantrum.
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Old 07-21-2015, 06:47 AM
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Originally Posted by ladyscribbler View Post
Hopefully yours will wear himself out before too long, like a toddler having a tantrum.
Exactly! Geesh. How does he even function in life!
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Old 07-21-2015, 09:37 AM
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Bleah. So sorry you're going through this Rosie. You sound like you got it covered though.
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Old 07-21-2015, 03:57 PM
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Just when I thought it couldn't get worse I get a text this morning from XH stating that he has just applied to the court for me breaching our parenting order.
OMG.
I'm not doing anything wrong.
I rung the court for the process & they said he files & then a letter is sent out to me & I'm given a chance to respond.
Mean while I have children due to go to their father's tonight as per parenting order but unsure if he'll show up as he thinks he has thurs to sun this week.
I'm scared SR friends.
I'm scared because if he doesn't turn up tonight & then turns up tomorrow night then I need to ring the police for assistance & it is ugly for the children.
My best friend has suggested if he doesn't turn up tonight then to go to her plave around pick up time tomorrow to avoid scene.
Gosh I was so silly to think the drama & stress was over just because I finally had an order.
Any advice?
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Old 07-21-2015, 05:25 PM
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I wouldn't call the police for help if he shows up tomorrow unless he makes a scene and you feel you need their assistance for your own safety. If HE wants to call the police, let him. No cop is going to force a child to go to visitation. Just keep them with you and let him bitch and moan to the court.

I'd just keep things as steady as you can. AND I think sending the kids out for a while tomorrow night might be a good idea if he doesn't show up tonight.
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Old 07-21-2015, 11:11 PM
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((((hugs)))) His filing won't hold any water because you _are_ following the plan. The court will see that he's the one failing to abide by it: it's really hard to play by the rules when you have no clue what the are.

Deep breath and hope you and the kiddos have a good night.
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Old 07-22-2015, 03:27 PM
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Well the children were waiting for their father to pick them up lastnight (as per the parenting order) but he didn't show & rung them & spoke in depth about the whole situation & obviously badmouthed me. Neither of them liked the conversation. At no time did he contact me & advise me he was not picking them up & the fact he didn't turn up now has him breeching the order! I am not however going to run off to the courts, I am sitting back & waiting.
I feel so sorry for the children being dragged through this yet again.
I simply gave them a hug each, told them how sorry I was for them being put in this situation & acknowledged how difficult it is to be caught in the middle & suggested that we now need to leave it up to the courts to decide.
Apparently their Dad didn't turn up because that would then prove that I am right & he is wrong. I asked what will happen next week & they said Dad said he wouldn't be seeing them until this was all sorted out. He is however going to come to all their sports in the weekend.
WTF?
This could takes weeks. Don't think he realises that. He may change his tune once he realises.
So for now I can't plan a thing & have to wait for the court processes to begin.
Meanwhile I will carry on being the good Mum I am & being 100% sure that I am following the order correctly.
The nightmare continues ........
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Old 07-22-2015, 03:49 PM
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It's OK. Keep breathing. Stick with the order. If, after a few weeks of no-shows, he suddenly shows up wanting to see them, tell him you will see IF they want to go (they may not and I wouldn't force it after he's been neglecting them), and IF they do, he will have to wait out in the car until you get them ready because you aren't going to have them packed up and ready to go week after week when he doesn't show up.

It will be OK, really. I'm sorry the kids are being used this way but it sounds like you are handling it beautifully with them.
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