Just joined...Hello!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: NY
Posts: 27
Just joined...Hello!
I googled "Does not drinking ever get easier?" and I found this forum. Reading through the posts, I kept feeling like I was reading about myself... I am happy to have found you all.
My story is not that interesting but I'll tell it for the sake of camaraderie. I'm a 46 yr old mother of two teenagers, married for 20 years. I only started drinking in a purposeful way shortly after my younger son was born, about 15 years ago. I felt as if I'd discovered the secret to handling the stresses and anxieties of parenting small children! A glass of wine (or two) made the dinner/bath/bed routine so much more bearable.
Fast forward to about a year ago. For a long time I had been drinking a lot, but didn't really have a lot in the way of obvious fallout. I drank almost daily, but always reached a point where I was like, well, that's enough. The only times I really overdid it were when we held dinner parties. I'm shy and it helped.
I knew I was drinking too much, but I didn't have a ton of motivation to quit.
Then my mom died, in a really sad and painful way. She had been an alcoholic, but she was a mean one, always picking fights. I always told myself that since I wasn't a mean drunk, I was nothing like her! I took care of her for a while and became very close to my dad. He is a heavy drinker, too. We got through the grief by drinking together. (Not a good idea, former self.)
Sooo... soon I found myself forgetting things. I couldn't remember the things I did before bed. I did some SUPER dumb things: got in the car, drunk, with my drunk friend because I didn't want her to drive alone. Etc.
Twelve days ago, after a family get-together, I woke up with a busted lip, cuts and bruises all over, and only the vaguest idea how that happened. I had breakfast with people who discussed the evening and all the things I did! Not terrible things, but I just didn't remember them, and had to pretend I did, which was humiliating. That was a wake up call. I realized that this drinking thing was going nowhere good and I just couldn't trust myself to stop when I should.
Anyway, I haven't had a drink since then. I'm tired of being ashamed of myself, of fudging the numbers at the doctor's office, of carrying a bunch of wine-fat (though I would drink anything by the end there).
At first I thought, well, I'll take a couple months off and reassess. But 12 days in, as difficult as it has been, I know I just want to quit forever (it's scary writing that).
I am very encouraged that so many of you are doing it and seem to be enjoying life more than ever. Hope I will be there, too. xoxoxox
My story is not that interesting but I'll tell it for the sake of camaraderie. I'm a 46 yr old mother of two teenagers, married for 20 years. I only started drinking in a purposeful way shortly after my younger son was born, about 15 years ago. I felt as if I'd discovered the secret to handling the stresses and anxieties of parenting small children! A glass of wine (or two) made the dinner/bath/bed routine so much more bearable.
Fast forward to about a year ago. For a long time I had been drinking a lot, but didn't really have a lot in the way of obvious fallout. I drank almost daily, but always reached a point where I was like, well, that's enough. The only times I really overdid it were when we held dinner parties. I'm shy and it helped.
I knew I was drinking too much, but I didn't have a ton of motivation to quit.
Then my mom died, in a really sad and painful way. She had been an alcoholic, but she was a mean one, always picking fights. I always told myself that since I wasn't a mean drunk, I was nothing like her! I took care of her for a while and became very close to my dad. He is a heavy drinker, too. We got through the grief by drinking together. (Not a good idea, former self.)
Sooo... soon I found myself forgetting things. I couldn't remember the things I did before bed. I did some SUPER dumb things: got in the car, drunk, with my drunk friend because I didn't want her to drive alone. Etc.
Twelve days ago, after a family get-together, I woke up with a busted lip, cuts and bruises all over, and only the vaguest idea how that happened. I had breakfast with people who discussed the evening and all the things I did! Not terrible things, but I just didn't remember them, and had to pretend I did, which was humiliating. That was a wake up call. I realized that this drinking thing was going nowhere good and I just couldn't trust myself to stop when I should.
Anyway, I haven't had a drink since then. I'm tired of being ashamed of myself, of fudging the numbers at the doctor's office, of carrying a bunch of wine-fat (though I would drink anything by the end there).
At first I thought, well, I'll take a couple months off and reassess. But 12 days in, as difficult as it has been, I know I just want to quit forever (it's scary writing that).
I am very encouraged that so many of you are doing it and seem to be enjoying life more than ever. Hope I will be there, too. xoxoxox
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Wonderful to meet you Margaux. You're in good company, with people who understand.
Blackouts were terrifying towards the end of my drinking career. I remember watching whole movies & not remembering a single second of them. Conversations I had that apparently meant something to others - I had no clue what was said. Then the driving - simply inexcusable. It was a horrible way to live. Glad we are moving past those days.
Blackouts were terrifying towards the end of my drinking career. I remember watching whole movies & not remembering a single second of them. Conversations I had that apparently meant something to others - I had no clue what was said. Then the driving - simply inexcusable. It was a horrible way to live. Glad we are moving past those days.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
I found this site that same way and it has been life changer. I have learned so much! I suggest you read, educate yourself about AA, AVRT and other methods and make a plan. Use this place as much as needed.
Hope to see you around.
Hope to see you around.
aka Nesty
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Northern Vt.
Posts: 1,554
Hi there Margaux , Welcome glad you found us . I just joined myself yest. so many uplifting people here . Your story sounds very similar to mine. only I'm 55, but when I was your age my kids had grown and moved out . Hence my Username . I didn't drink much than, but made up for it after they left . I put in a good 10 years longer . Did more damage body and family wise . Two years sober and counting .
So Congrats on 12 days - Than to catch yourself before it got worse
I Googled Inspiration quotes and landed here . It has been all of that and than some
So Congrats on 12 days - Than to catch yourself before it got worse
I Googled Inspiration quotes and landed here . It has been all of that and than some
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Hi Margaux, welcome to SR. You will likely read at some point on this site that alcohol is progressive. What you describe in your OP fits that statement perfectly. Good for you on deciding to quit instead of taking a break and then re-assessing. I did that, didn't work out the way I planned. Wishing you the best.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 103
Congratulations on your twelve days 
Part of the reason I decided it was time to stop is because the things I were doing became more reckless and I was blacking out much more. I hated the feeling of waking up and not remembering the night before.
I am very new here, but I can tell we are in a good place. We're in this together
Part of the reason I decided it was time to stop is because the things I were doing became more reckless and I was blacking out much more. I hated the feeling of waking up and not remembering the night before.
I am very new here, but I can tell we are in a good place. We're in this together
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Auckland
Posts: 2,548
Hi Margaux, au contraire - very interesting story. I just joined yesterday after my last 'escapade' which has left me a highly classy 49 yr old with a broken front tooth and grazed chin. Have had to take the week off work. Turned out jumping in the recycling bin to squeeze more in whilst next to a brick wall after a few wines was a bad idea. I also come from an alcoholic family, and am also tired of being ashamed of myself. There is a 'class of July, 2015' thread if you are interested. Kind of nice hanging out with people who are beginning the journey at the same time. I wish you all the best. With all the support that is offered here, we can do it :-)
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