Maybe it's deeper than I thought
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: West Coast - USA
Posts: 81
Maybe it's deeper than I thought
I always knew I had issues, problems, a weakness, and/or addiction issues. It would come in waves. I've been off and on since January of this year. Went through a nice spell...3 weeks sober, then drank, went a couple more weeks, drank, etc etc. However from June - this past weekend I've been shooting for the moon it seems as far as how much I can drink and how far down the rabbits hole I can go. This experience was something new. Before I would stop after a few days due having a "rock bottom" moment/feeling. Guilt, shame, you name it. Last couple months that bottom just got deeper.
This time around I noticed something new. I couldn't keep money at all. $2.99 to $1,000 dollars I was buying booze. The lack of total discipline I had during this past couple of months when it came to money is insane. So now I'm really scared. About time right?
This time around I noticed something new. I couldn't keep money at all. $2.99 to $1,000 dollars I was buying booze. The lack of total discipline I had during this past couple of months when it came to money is insane. So now I'm really scared. About time right?
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
If you want to get sober for good, you came to a good place. 
I too was spending money I didn't really have to spend, just to drink.
Now that I'm sober, my bills are paid on time and in full. And I'm no longer always broke.
I too was spending money I didn't really have to spend, just to drink.
Now that I'm sober, my bills are paid on time and in full. And I'm no longer always broke. Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: West Coast - USA
Posts: 81
Thanks. I am back to meetings... I still tend to feel weird and uncomfortable because I don't believe in god...but it's better for me there...I do find the desire to drink has gone down somewhat after a meeting.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 1,130
Yes well done for taking a grip on things and going to meetings. For the time being, I'd stick with the identification about addiction and recovery and not too worry about the God thing. It's a key part of the programme but it usually takes time to make sense of it and we can't make any sense of it generally until we've got a bit sober time to start with.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: West Coast - USA
Posts: 81
Originally Posted by doggonecarl 
Past time. But better late than never.
Your drinking, were you just not ready to be sober?
Your drinking, were you just not ready to be sober?
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