Mountains to Climb
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 452
Mountains to Climb
It has been some time since I posted on this site. I do log on and read and comment from time to time. As of today, I am 565 days sober. Life is great without alcohol, but its still life - ups, down, etc. If you have ready any of my previous posts, you probably know that running has been a big part of my recovery. I love the way my stress melts during a run. I love the feeling I get when I challenge myself, and I succeed
This Saturday, I am running a very difficult trail race that is 31 miles long and climbs and defends a total of 11,000 feet in each direction. It seems that any time I am about to really challenge myself, I start to question my decision and my motivations. I also question my abilities. I think this is normal. For me, however, it comes down to living a life where I constantly challenge myself and in those hard moments of my recovery I know that I won't give in to the pressure to drink. It also comes down to my strength. I now know that I am strong beyond belief. To draw a line in the sand and say "I will no longer drink" is no easy task. The first wee of withdrawals were absolutely mind-bending on every level. I had no choice but to best my adversary when it came to the difficulties of early-stage recovery. What I am doing Saturday is a huge challenge, don't get me wrong, but the stakes are not nearly as high.
I also know that I am not perfect. I could go out Saturday and have a tough day and have to drop out. Probably won't happen, but if it does, I am fine with that. I really am. I know that for me to constantly expand my horizons I have to push my limits and put myself in situations where I may cave and not be able to perform to the level of the given task. That is fine. As I said, I am not perfect.
My self image has changed a lot during my recovery. It seems that when I was drinking I was always seeking perfection. I have accepted the fact that I am not perfect, and I am willing to move forward with my flaws.
Well, thats it. Just a short update!
This Saturday, I am running a very difficult trail race that is 31 miles long and climbs and defends a total of 11,000 feet in each direction. It seems that any time I am about to really challenge myself, I start to question my decision and my motivations. I also question my abilities. I think this is normal. For me, however, it comes down to living a life where I constantly challenge myself and in those hard moments of my recovery I know that I won't give in to the pressure to drink. It also comes down to my strength. I now know that I am strong beyond belief. To draw a line in the sand and say "I will no longer drink" is no easy task. The first wee of withdrawals were absolutely mind-bending on every level. I had no choice but to best my adversary when it came to the difficulties of early-stage recovery. What I am doing Saturday is a huge challenge, don't get me wrong, but the stakes are not nearly as high.
I also know that I am not perfect. I could go out Saturday and have a tough day and have to drop out. Probably won't happen, but if it does, I am fine with that. I really am. I know that for me to constantly expand my horizons I have to push my limits and put myself in situations where I may cave and not be able to perform to the level of the given task. That is fine. As I said, I am not perfect.
My self image has changed a lot during my recovery. It seems that when I was drinking I was always seeking perfection. I have accepted the fact that I am not perfect, and I am willing to move forward with my flaws.
Well, thats it. Just a short update!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
I also run and find it very theraputic. sounds like a good race! Dont put pressure on yourself just go out and run and leave it at that. thats all i do. I heard it said once that if our goals dont scare us a little that they are not big enough. I suppose that can be inspirational but its also nice to just be happy with what is and leave things as they are and sure over time you may notice some great progress or not but what does it matter in this moment?
I say go out for a nice easy run come back 31 miles later and tell us how it went!
I say go out for a nice easy run come back 31 miles later and tell us how it went!
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
Congrats on 565 amazing days. Very inspiring to me.
That race sounds daunting to me, but then I'm not sure if I could run two miles on a flat track. Love the metaphor and hope you'll update us on how it goes!
That race sounds daunting to me, but then I'm not sure if I could run two miles on a flat track. Love the metaphor and hope you'll update us on how it goes!
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