New here, and hungover as I write this
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 10
New here, and hungover as I write this
Hello, I've never posted in a forum like this before, or honestly even considered that I might have a problem enough to even look for any help. But I'm hungover as I write this, and this is the 3rd time in the last 6 days that I've been so. I think I might be a "binge drinker", I don't drink every day, usually 2-3 times per week though. But this is the first time that it's literally been every other day...1 evening drunk, the next day recovering, next evening drunk, repeat for the last 6 days.
I don't have black-outs, but when I start drinking I find it very hard to stop unless the alcohol actually runs out. No one has ever mentioned that I've had too much, but I sometimes find that other people have switched to water or coffee hours before and I didn't notice, and I just kept drinking.
I'm supposed to be working today, this is not the first time. Last night I had had two glasses of wine when a friend called and invited me over for beers with some other people. It was 8:30pm on a work night. I knew that after two glasses of wine already that if I went out and drank beer I would be a mess today. But they suggested there would only be 1 six pack and we could split it so I would be fine for work today. Turns out there was a bit more beer there, and I drank 4. At 12:30am I looked at the time and panicked, not because it was 12:30am and I had to work the next day, but because it was 12:30am and I knew people would want to start leaving soon, meaning an ending to the night. I honestly don't know if my panic was because I didn't want the night to end or if it was because I didn't want to stop drinking. Either way we drank until the beer ran out and I left about 2am.
I sometimes schedule my work (I'm in sales and have the ability to make my own schedule for the most part) around knowing that I will want to be drinking on some evenings. Meaning I schedule a "light" work day where I won't have to do much (if anything) after a day when I know I'll be drinking (whether with friends or not). Even happy hours after work usually turn into late night drinking, when that was not the original intention for anyone. I sometimes jokingly say to people that I need someone to tell me when to stop drinking, but of course no one does and even if they did at the time I probably wouldn't listen.
I was just looking at my work schedule and have appointments that I need to keep for the next three days. I said to myself "Ok I won't drink for the next three days" and immediately I felt scared and said to myself "Well I could just have one or two glasses of wine". The fact that I realized someone telling me I couldn't have any alcohol for 3 days (even if that someone was myself!) scared me, made me really think "Gal, you have a problem". I can actually have just one or two glasses of wine in the evening. Sometimes. And I don't drink every day, but if I'm honest about it, the only days I don't have a drink at all is if I'm hungover from the night before.
So ok. I think I'm ready to admit I have a problem. I've never tried to stop drinking completely before, and the thought of it terrifies me. I honestly don't know if I would enjoy my "normal" after-work activities without drinking. I definitely don't think I could go out with my friends and not drink. I'm not sure I could talk on the phone in the evening and enjoy it without a glass of wine. I have an alcoholic sibling, and I'm terrified of having to tell my parents that I too, have an alcohol problem (although our patterns are very different).
Can anyone offer me any help or advice? Thank you for letting me vent here, this is the first time I've said anything like this to anyone.
I don't have black-outs, but when I start drinking I find it very hard to stop unless the alcohol actually runs out. No one has ever mentioned that I've had too much, but I sometimes find that other people have switched to water or coffee hours before and I didn't notice, and I just kept drinking.
I'm supposed to be working today, this is not the first time. Last night I had had two glasses of wine when a friend called and invited me over for beers with some other people. It was 8:30pm on a work night. I knew that after two glasses of wine already that if I went out and drank beer I would be a mess today. But they suggested there would only be 1 six pack and we could split it so I would be fine for work today. Turns out there was a bit more beer there, and I drank 4. At 12:30am I looked at the time and panicked, not because it was 12:30am and I had to work the next day, but because it was 12:30am and I knew people would want to start leaving soon, meaning an ending to the night. I honestly don't know if my panic was because I didn't want the night to end or if it was because I didn't want to stop drinking. Either way we drank until the beer ran out and I left about 2am.
I sometimes schedule my work (I'm in sales and have the ability to make my own schedule for the most part) around knowing that I will want to be drinking on some evenings. Meaning I schedule a "light" work day where I won't have to do much (if anything) after a day when I know I'll be drinking (whether with friends or not). Even happy hours after work usually turn into late night drinking, when that was not the original intention for anyone. I sometimes jokingly say to people that I need someone to tell me when to stop drinking, but of course no one does and even if they did at the time I probably wouldn't listen.
I was just looking at my work schedule and have appointments that I need to keep for the next three days. I said to myself "Ok I won't drink for the next three days" and immediately I felt scared and said to myself "Well I could just have one or two glasses of wine". The fact that I realized someone telling me I couldn't have any alcohol for 3 days (even if that someone was myself!) scared me, made me really think "Gal, you have a problem". I can actually have just one or two glasses of wine in the evening. Sometimes. And I don't drink every day, but if I'm honest about it, the only days I don't have a drink at all is if I'm hungover from the night before.
So ok. I think I'm ready to admit I have a problem. I've never tried to stop drinking completely before, and the thought of it terrifies me. I honestly don't know if I would enjoy my "normal" after-work activities without drinking. I definitely don't think I could go out with my friends and not drink. I'm not sure I could talk on the phone in the evening and enjoy it without a glass of wine. I have an alcoholic sibling, and I'm terrified of having to tell my parents that I too, have an alcohol problem (although our patterns are very different).
Can anyone offer me any help or advice? Thank you for letting me vent here, this is the first time I've said anything like this to anyone.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,061
Welcome, Catlaydee!
Many of us here have felt the way you do. There4's a lot of good advice and support here--read around and post often.
I think going to an AA meeting would let you know that there is face to face support available too.
Many of us here have felt the way you do. There4's a lot of good advice and support here--read around and post often.
I think going to an AA meeting would let you know that there is face to face support available too.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Caribbean
Posts: 934
Welcome, you've taken the right step in joining SR. Btw, i could relate to everything you wrote. Pretty scary because i thought i wrote it! 
Hope you feel some comfort in knowing you are not alone. I'm fairly new so my only advice would be to have patience with yourself.
Hope you feel some comfort in knowing you are not alone. I'm fairly new so my only advice would be to have patience with yourself.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
Welcome, Catlaydee. I was questioning whether I really had to quit drinking or not when I first came to SR. In fact, I came to SR originally due to a loved one's drinking problem. Someone on the board challenged me to give sobriety a good try. (a few months is nothing compared to 27 years of drinking!) Well, am I ever grateful that I took that challenge. I am almost two years sober and I don't ever intend to drink alcohol again. I see it all in a whole new light that I would have never seen before had I not tried sobriety. Good luck! We are here for you.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by catlaydee1to3 
Can anyone offer me any help or advice? Thank you for letting me vent here, this is the first time I've said anything like this to anyone.
In those many posts you read, you will also see your future if you ignore the red flags of your drinking. Alcoholism is a progressive disease. Put a halt to the drinking now, while you can.
Good luck.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Glad you're here, welcome!
Are either of your parents alcoholic??
Both of mine were, and it still took me very long time to admit I was as well. We just don't want to give it up and can't imagine our life without drinking.
The good news is that SR is a great place to sort out some of those issues. Lot's of global diversity here, certainly some folks you'll identify with.
Welcome!
Are either of your parents alcoholic??
Both of mine were, and it still took me very long time to admit I was as well. We just don't want to give it up and can't imagine our life without drinking.
The good news is that SR is a great place to sort out some of those issues. Lot's of global diversity here, certainly some folks you'll identify with.
Welcome!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Somewhere in California
Posts: 1,136
Welcome! You've come to the right place. SR is filled with resources to aid in attaining sobriety. Several things in your post indicated that alcohol is a problem for you:
1) frequently drinking more than you had planned to drink/ difficulty in stopping once you start
2) building your work schedule around drinking, which indicates you've granted it a huge priority in your life
3) you drink not only socially but alone
4) panicking at the thought of running out of booze/ not being able to drink
Plus, you've come here.
Read through the forum. Check out a variety of posts and stories. I think you've made the right decision in coming here in an effort to confront your drinking. All of us here did that, and many with transformative results. Good luck!
1) frequently drinking more than you had planned to drink/ difficulty in stopping once you start
2) building your work schedule around drinking, which indicates you've granted it a huge priority in your life
3) you drink not only socially but alone
4) panicking at the thought of running out of booze/ not being able to drink
Plus, you've come here.
Read through the forum. Check out a variety of posts and stories. I think you've made the right decision in coming here in an effort to confront your drinking. All of us here did that, and many with transformative results. Good luck!
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,908
Originally Posted by catlaydee1to3
I was just looking at my work schedule and have appointments that I need to keep for the next three days. I said to myself "Ok I won't drink for the next three days" and immediately I felt scared and said to myself "Well I could just have one or two glasses of wine". The fact that I realized someone telling me I couldn't have any alcohol for 3 days (even if that someone was myself!) scared me, made me really think "Gal, you have a problem". I can actually have just one or two glasses of wine in the evening. Sometimes. And I don't drink every day, but if I'm honest about it, the only days I don't have a drink at all is if I'm hungover from the night before.
There's a better life waiting for you in sobriety. No better day than today to give this life a chance. Remember that you don't have to take that first drink today no matter what, and as long as you don't take the first one you don't have to worry about that second or third or tenth one that would almost always follow.
Active participation here on these forums has been a cornerstone of my recovery. I highly suggest joining the Class of July 2015 thread found on this same board. It's a great way to learn from and help others who are also in early recovery.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Welcome Cat, I'm an A and a cat lady, if you count one cat. That little flash of insight you got when you were afraid that everyone would stop drinking was a gift. It sounds to me like you're at a very dangerous stage where drinking crosses the border into alcoholism.
Lots of people who didn't drink much when young gradually ramp to unhealthy levels almost without realising it, so it's great you've come to that conclusion yourself.
Probably the only workable solution is to stop drinking altogether, as moderation rarely works. I tried it over a few years but always came back worse than ever. Once you've programmed your brain to over-drinking moderating is an exhausting continuous struggle.
Stopping altogether was a very scary thought for me, but once I found the motivation I was so much happier and more relaxed. I actually regained my self-esteem.
If you're looking for motivation do some research on the stages of alcoholism and work out where you are at the moment. Then read what the future has in store. It's not pretty.
Lots of people who didn't drink much when young gradually ramp to unhealthy levels almost without realising it, so it's great you've come to that conclusion yourself.
Probably the only workable solution is to stop drinking altogether, as moderation rarely works. I tried it over a few years but always came back worse than ever. Once you've programmed your brain to over-drinking moderating is an exhausting continuous struggle.
Stopping altogether was a very scary thought for me, but once I found the motivation I was so much happier and more relaxed. I actually regained my self-esteem.
If you're looking for motivation do some research on the stages of alcoholism and work out where you are at the moment. Then read what the future has in store. It's not pretty.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by catlaydee1to3
I've never tried to stop drinking completely before, and the thought of it terrifies me.
Free yourself of that addiction and the fear goes away.
Welcome. Best of Luck on Your Journey.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
welcome....
I could have written very nearly the same thing you wrote back in my late twenties and early thirties.
By my forties... it had gotten much, much worse.
The whole time, I didn't believe I 'had a problem'. I certainly wasn't an 'alcoholic' or addicted.
Not even the times when I missed work because I was still drunk or doing drugs or both.
Not even the times I drank and did drugs all night just TO work....
Not the times I woke up in jail...
Not the times I woke up with no memory of the night before....
Not through the DUIs, the divorces, the agony hangovers...
Not while puking in dumpsters or peeing on the floor....
Never had "problem".... never an "alcoholic".
Until I realized what a problem it had always been.... right from the very beginning.
I'm glad you decided to post here and I hope you'll stick around, read the stories, get to know the people, seek the similarities in your story to those of others....
I hope you'll keep your eye trained on the horizon and - through your story and ours - envision where it's all headed based on where you've been.
I hope you'll fully embrace sobriety and get the chance to learn how wonderful life is really meant to be. I hope you'll get to be a story of inspiration and get to feel the freedom of having all these struggles behind you.
Welcome.
I could have written very nearly the same thing you wrote back in my late twenties and early thirties.
By my forties... it had gotten much, much worse.
The whole time, I didn't believe I 'had a problem'. I certainly wasn't an 'alcoholic' or addicted.
Not even the times when I missed work because I was still drunk or doing drugs or both.
Not even the times I drank and did drugs all night just TO work....
Not the times I woke up in jail...
Not the times I woke up with no memory of the night before....
Not through the DUIs, the divorces, the agony hangovers...
Not while puking in dumpsters or peeing on the floor....
Never had "problem".... never an "alcoholic".
Until I realized what a problem it had always been.... right from the very beginning.
I'm glad you decided to post here and I hope you'll stick around, read the stories, get to know the people, seek the similarities in your story to those of others....
I hope you'll keep your eye trained on the horizon and - through your story and ours - envision where it's all headed based on where you've been.
I hope you'll fully embrace sobriety and get the chance to learn how wonderful life is really meant to be. I hope you'll get to be a story of inspiration and get to feel the freedom of having all these struggles behind you.
Welcome.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
Good for you for recognizing you have a problem, That is a big first step. Many don't see it until it's too late. Not drinking is nothing to be scared about, but it sounds like your social life revolves around drinking. Maybe your more scared about that then the drinking. As hard as it is, and I'm speaking from experience, distancing yourself from your drinking friends is a must. If that can't be done, having something nonalcoholic in your hand would be a great start. Recognizing you have a problem is a great start, but actually doing something about it is a whole different story. Stay strong and work hard. John
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,755
Welcome! It is scary to think of life without drinking. But I did it anyway and am amazed and delighted at how much better my life is sober. Give it a good try. I think you'll like living sober.
It is scary to think of life without drinking. But I did it anyway and am amazed and delighted at how much better my life is sober. Give it a good try. I think you'll like living sober. Formerly Ringthedoorbell
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Georgia
Posts: 402
Welcome to the SR family Cat...
We welcome you with open arms. We understand what you are going through and are here to support you. You can do it, and congrats for realizing you have a problem and facing it. ODAAT.
We welcome you with open arms. We understand what you are going through and are here to support you. You can do it, and congrats for realizing you have a problem and facing it. ODAAT.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 10
Thank you all for the kind and encouraging words. I definitely have some reading to do on this site. Unfortunately today my head hurts so much from the hangover that I won't be doing much reading (or much of anything, actually). So, tomorrow. I guess if I don't drink tomorrow, that would be my first day. I'm not drinking anything tonight, but that's because I'm hungover so it doesn't count. Anyway, I'm just thinking out loud right now. Thank you all again, I will be back
P.S. @Flynbuy - nope, neither of my parents are alcoholics, but it's obviously somewhere in the family genes as two other of my siblings have or do struggle as well. I'm 42 btw, single, no kids (unless you count 2 cats), and I'm one of 5 siblings. Just wanted to mention that.
P.S. @Flynbuy - nope, neither of my parents are alcoholics, but it's obviously somewhere in the family genes as two other of my siblings have or do struggle as well. I'm 42 btw, single, no kids (unless you count 2 cats), and I'm one of 5 siblings. Just wanted to mention that.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 654
So much that is familiar in your post. The not realizing everyone else has stopped drinking and the panic that drinking time will be over soon. I also could have days having a lot less but it's the situations you describe where you start to see it getting its claws dug in and controlling life.
Welcome aboard.
Welcome aboard.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
