Susan8787

I have been sober for quite some time now so I hope I'm still considered a newcomer with 265 days sober. Lately I've been thinking about drinking again after I achieve my 1 year of sobriety. I decided to quit for 1 year to see if my life was better. It is better in some ways. My family likes it better this way. Kids are grown and I'm in a long term marriage - female 50's. I've been lying to myself and saying I can just drink once a week now that I've been sober so long. Never worked before but I'm starting to plan it after my year is up. I need to stop this before it becomes a reality. I have come too far to go back now after 20+ years of trying to quit and never making it this far before. The one thing that seems to be missing is finding something to devote my time and energy to. I have tried but can't seem to find it. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

SansaS

What about a new hobby? Joining a gym or walking group? A new pet?

Dee74

Hi and welcome Susan

I hope you don;t listen to that voice too much - it's lying to you.

I confused abstinence for control many times - my life was better because I wasn't drinking, not because I'd somehow reset my self as a normal drinker.

I went straight back to where I used to be once I drank.

Maybe you need to find your passion?

what interests you?
what would you be if you could?
what's your dream?

D

Marcher13

Susan congratulations on those 8.5 months! I think your AV is playing with you, tempting you to drink because you haven't for so long, mine tried that too/

Why don't you make a list of the things that have improved in your life since you stopped drinking? Follow it up with a list of the ways your life would be better if you drank.

ScottFromWI

Welcome Susan. How about joining the class of July thread? Sometimes being a part of a group of those with the same problems can be invaluable, and posting/reading each day gives some accountability

courage2

Hi Susan -- omg it's the summer slump. It's mid-July, everyone's getting sluggish and just slightly bored, and nothing seems satisfying like the thought of a drink. So you set yourself a rule -- nothing until I've made it through a year. I'll prove that I can (stay sober). And then once I've shown that I can....I'll show that I can't. Huh?

Ain't it splendid how we lie to ourselves?

Keep exploring. You'll find something to give your energy. Maybe there's something you used to love and let fall by the wayside when you were drinking. Or a dream that when you were drinking you always put off for another time.

Oh, and hang out on the forum more. Make friends! 2 posts since 2011 ....

tursiops999

Hi Susan - congratulations on 8.5 months.

I always feel safest (farthest from wanting to drink) when I am doing something that might help others. Obviously that's a big part of how AA works. But if AA's not your thing, I still think service to others might help.

Is there something that speaks to your heart? Volunteering with pets/animals (shelter or adoption agency), helping kids (tutoring, big brothers/big sisters, etc), volunteering with a food bank and giving out food to the hungry ... there's a million possibilities.

That voice that wants you to start drinking again is not your friend ... hang in there.

Verte

Do you enjoy connecting with people, Susan? Maybe a women's group of some sort? I recently visited a bird sanctuary and came across a group who had gathered for an hour of walking and fellowship.

How about doing things with your hands? My new hobby is detail cleaning and fixing old appliances. There is a stained glass workshop nearby that I have been wanting to visit - so that is next for me.

Summer slump for sure. Courage is correct. August is my favorite month but inevitably causes a sort of warm-sun-heart-ache and wistfulness.

MythOfSisyphus

I hope you stick with sobriety, Susan. It's easy to compare the good vs the "bad" but you also need to consider the potential consequences of going back to drinking. Even if you aren't sick now it can hit you like a ton of bricks. I managed to drink hard for 25 years but about the time I turned forty it started to catch up with me physically. Please don't get complacent, drinking is a dead end.

I was in a better place after my first year sober but I can see looking back that I've continued to get better mentally and physically. Why not give it a bit more time? You have nothing to lose and everything to gain, Susan.

FreeOwl

I hope you'll stay sober.

I found the really really great parts of recovery came after that first year... And just keep coming.

I'm my journey, those thoughts of faltering, thinking and planning to drink, were a warning sign. First time around I didn't take them as such and I found myself in a year and a half long binge of misery that was really tough to pull out of.

You've made it this far, so you know that you can live life without booze.

What are you doing apart from 'not drinking'? I would suggest deeply reflecting on why you stopped to begin with, and also doing some deep self work - beyond 'not drinking', sobriety is about transforming ourselves.

When we move beyond 'not drinking' and fully into 'Being Sober' - it is truly wonderful.

Keep with it. Please, don't find yourself looking back on this post, sobbing in misery with your life in shambles around you, stuck back in the darkness woefully wondering how you wound up there again.

LBrain

I never shared this before now. But my thoughts were that the first year doesn't count. Yeah, I know it's tough. But it's still sort of fresh and it's a huge goal. The second year is the toughest I believe. Because after you make the first year, many people start to feel cocky about it - in their own way. Or that little voice inside the head starts to tell you you got this now. I don't know the statistics and it doesn't really matter. But I do know a lot of people go back to drinking in the second year. And several years later they show up again telling how they thought they could drink sensibly again after they had some time without drinking. Don't believe for a moment that if you start drinking after the first year things will be different this time. It will be worse.

I found at the nine month period things started to change for me. I can't explain it. Hang in there. You'll feel better soon enough and be glad that you stayed sober.

newpage119

Hi Susan,
I am just a little behind you at around 8 months....

I only have one other "quit experience" in my lifetime a few years back.
I quit with the full intention of "breaking the habit" and going back to a new improved drinking with control habit.
I quit for 14 months, felt great, lost 40 lbs and all was good.
After that time, I decided that I had controlled the beast and could go back to drinking.

Started off slowly but within a few weeks was back to drinking just as much as I did before the quit. Took a few years and the 40 lbs came back. Took a few years, but I am back quit. This time forever.

I WISH I would have know about this forum then, and I would NEVER have started again. I would have recognized alcohol for the addictive poison that it is.

My advice is to get this idea out of your head unless you want to be right back where you were when you started.

Read up on Alcoholic Kindling. That might scare you sober!

Good luck!

toadie54

Love some of the observations here, especially from FreeOwl and LBrain, but you are all great!

Susan, hoping for the best for you, great, honest post!

strategery

You live in CO. There are so many things you can do. You can go hiking mountains. You can go biking (mountain or road). You can find a place to volunteer. There are tons of things you can see in CO.

One of the things that always helps me when I am struggling is thinking about how much better life is without the alcohol. I still remember something Nuudawn once wrote here and it's stuck with me forever. She said she always envisioned drinking wine as classy and having wine glasses all set up and the atmosphere perfect, being dressed up and her hair perfect. However, the reality of it was swigging wine out of a bottle in stained sweats. The reality of drinking versus what we envision with it are usually two very different things.

doggonecarl

Two ideas:

First, get involved with SR. Share your experiences and support, and get the accountability you need to get onto year #2 sober.

Second, volunteer somewhere.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Susan!! You'll find loads of support here on SR!!

least

Congrats on your sober time! I hope you don't start drinking again. It will put you right back in the hole you've just climbed out of.

I'd suggest volunteering somewhere. It's a great way to get out of yourself and to give back to your community.

MIRecovery

I had to admit to myself I would never be a normal drinker. Not today, tomorrow, or 10 years from now.

Once I surrendered to the fact I never would be a successful drinker all I had to do was stay sober a day at a time.

As long as that thought of, "Someday I will be able to drink again" exists your addiction will work on it until you do

Ruby2

Ditto what LBrain said. And Vertes summer slump, keep busy suggestion.

I had 10.5 months in August 2013. Life seemed flat. There were no fireworks or marching bands in sobriety. I got restless, irritable and discontent. I hadn't added enough to my sobriety other than just not drinking. I relapsed. I quickly went back to nightly drunks. No moderation there. I gave it up again on December 1, 2013. Most things are better but some things aren't. But I'm still here. Try out lots of things to find your passion. Even if it's not a passion, it'll keep you busy. I treasure not waking up not hungover. If I must call in sick to work, it's because I'm actually ill, not hungover. If I tell my family I'll be there, I'm there.

Don't give up. Don't confuse sobriety with control. That is truly an illusion.

Soberpotamus

It seems you've pinpointed the problem

Keep searching and exploring to find what matters to you. One thing I've found in early sobriety is that I am not quite the same person as I was before. I'm evolving. Be open to finding new passions, as well as reconsidering old ones.

Have you tucked away into the the corner or the "do it later" pile something you once valued?

I had to change routines, habits ...

I resurrected my old loves - reading, writing.

And developed a couple new ones - dogs, gardening.

We are here to support you find the new sober you