Jorgenss

Know that we all know that the truth will never resonate with an AA. I know that so many of us here have spent more hours than we should helping our AA.

Watching my XABF lose his home, car, license, job, etc. was heartbreaking for me. Watching him live with another enabler and continue to not work while he said he was clean was u fathomable for my mind.

I have been working on me and putting the pieces back together. Not beating myself up over the damage I allowed can be trying at times.

What I am learning is that my journey is mine alone. My outcome is my path to take.

I thank all of you for your posts, guidance, wisdom, and insight. I'm not where I should be, but I'm trying to get there one day at a time.

Melissa0067

If you don't mind me asking, how did you get the courage to stand by and watch him lose everything? This is a problem for me. Very hard to do. .

Jorgenss

Melissa,

I set very clear boundaries for myself. One was that if he stole from me again, that he had to leave my home. It was NYE and he was very mean, drunk, and high. He stole and I asked him to leave. He walked out and that was the last time he has been in my place.

It has been the hardest thing I have ever done, but this forum has helped me keep my strength. I didn't cause it, I cannot control it, and I cannot cure it.

The pain of being with him was worse than the pain of being without him.

Melissa0067

The only real boundary I set was that if he was using or lying he could not be in my home. I stuck to that. If he uses again, out he goes. I have no problem with that.

He has never stolen anything from me. If he did I would to ballistic and he would be out on his ass. Sorry to hear that happened to you.

He went to a suboxone clinic and the day he started I bailed him out with some money he owed to the bank and let him stay here. I have made it clear he has to pay me back on August 1 when he gets money and also that this is temporary. I will stick to that. Every day that he is here is a stressful one for me.

Thanks.

Jorgenss

I couldn't go down with the ship. Not that it isn't hard every day, but I am worth more to myself than to lose the little I have left.

Keep reading and we are all here for you.

Vale

Going down with the ship is an effective
plot sweetener in any B-grade film. It isn't
reality.

Reality is saving as much as you can,
with as much humanity as you can muster.

Triage is messy, nasty, ugly, and time
compressed......

But it DOES need to be done.

About the money. I never expected a nickel back,
no matter the promises. August 1 has one BIG
advantage: it's not today. Promises are easy to
make, and hard to keep. People in active
addiction don't DO hard things........ever.

Ann

Therein lies the turning point for most of us, regardless of the relationship with the addict. My son made my life intolerable and nothing I did helped him, it enabled him and brought me down.

It is hard to walk away sometimes, but it's harder to stay and endure the endless pain that comes with having a relationship with an active addict.

Good luck, dear, wishing you brighter, happier, healthier days ahead.

Hugs

Jorgenss

I tend to learn the hard way and had to "test" the actions recently. Guess what? He didn't follow through with his promise, even though it was his suggestion. I merely asked him when he could fulfill a promise and bingo... it was too much of me to ask.