Tilly4Me

I've been feeling sorry for myself for most of the day. Did my best today to work on a personal project then go to a museum, but I just felt lonely all day. The neighbours were also having a garden party, which I could hear most of the day... compounding the feeling of being alone, left out.

Having had a couple of friends move away, I've been trying to do new things and will be going to a Meetup tomorrow. So far though, any time I do something I end up looking forward to going home. Ugh.

What do you do when feeling sorry for yourself, and not feeling connected when around people?

I'm going to read before bed and make a gratitude list. Hopefully this will help. Sometimes I'm just glad when night comes and the day is over!

Pepsi16710

I feel you. There is a short little book I read (it is actually a commencement speech) called A Short Guide to The Happy Life. It really picks me up and puts things in perspective. Makes me realize that I need to seize each moment, not waste them feeling sorry for myself. I actually read it today and keep a copy on my iPhone kindle for those tough and lonely moments when I need a pick me up. Here is a link - http://www.amazon.com/A-Short-Guide-.../dp/0375504613

Marcher13

The Gratitude sub-forum here at SR provides some wonderfully inspiring reading and offers an opportunity for each of us to express our own Gratitude. I can't recommend it highly enough.

Tilly4Me

Thank you! That looks like a really sweet little book.

Tilly4Me

Enjoying the gratitude forum. Thanks for pointing it out!

saoutchik

Hugs to you Tilly4me

Berrybean

It's easy for our AVs to really use loneliness and self-pity to lure us back into bad habits and rubbish coping strategies. Well done for the gratitude list.

I am learning that, like so many other areas, prevention is better than cure with regards to loneliness and feeling disconnected. Some of my pre-emptive strategies are...

Go to regular AA meetings so that I feel connected, helped and helpful

Volunteer at my local church to help with tea and toast and creche on alternate weeks (not made many friends through this, but has increased my sense of belonging and wake up those mornings with a plan, which makes a difference).

Get back in touch with old (non-drinking) friends who I neglected when I took up drinking

Make plans to see family more frequently (this is a first for me, I think they're all getting a little suspicious / paranoid)

Join a book group (actually, I started one!)

Be braver about being the person to initiate meet-ups rather that keep waiting for invitations (I was always too scared of rejection to risk it)

Good luck - and remember, none of these things happen immediately.

MythOfSisyphus

Hang in there, Tilly4me!

PurpleKnight

If all else fails, sometimes I just come here on SR, there's always someone around!!

Soberwolf

(((Tilly)))

thomas11

Hi Tilly, You have my sympathy (I think that is the word I'm looking for). Loneliness can be very unpleasant and I believe it is more common that I had realized. A lot of people on this site talk about loneliness and that it has probably contributed to their drinking. I commend you for reaching out and making efforts to deal with it. Wishing you the best.

Tilly4Me

Thank you: I the idea of starting my own group, possibly centered around the arts (making art, writing) or my other interest spirituality. I know I do much better in small groups, and hate small talk or having to hug strangers (my last church experience!)

Oh! And good to remember this takes time.

Tilly4Me

I was also reflecting on/sort of praying (which is me just talking out loud) about this before I went to sleep last night: Instead of thinking "what's in this for me, am I going to meet my kind of people, get attention?"... what about, "how can I give, or make someone else more comfortable?" Or just be present and feel the connection of humanity, in the right situation just close my eyes and breathe, feel that connectedness there . Instead of focusing on the separateness. That feels simple and relaxing.