Pepsi16710

I am visiting San Francisco with my wife and we've had a wonderful time. First day, I am good until about 5:00, which on vacation would have meant before dinner cocktails. Got through 5:00 ok. Got through day 2 ok. Today was tough though.

We were walking back through Washington Square and little did I know that you could drink in this public park. There were loads of people playing beer pong, carrying around cases of beer, you name it. Everything I would have enjoyed up to 6 months ago when I quit. I got hit with a craving harder than ever before and found myself talking my wife (and me) into me becoming a social drinker again. I basically lost it and almost went to the nearest bar and got a drink. I got a hold of myself and the craving passed.

It is scary how quick the AV can kick in and how powerful it can be. At that movement I freaking hated being sober. I felt like damaged goods. I wanted to say screw it and get loaded. I wanted what everyone around me had. I felt like such a loser because I was different and couldn't handle my drink. I felt bad for my wife, a normal drinker, because I know she would have enjoyed a beer in the park - but did not even bring it up because she knows I am in recovery.

This sober thing can be soooooo difficult sometimes and so easy other times.

I am fearing next week because I will be going to a phish concert sober. The first sober concert of my life. They have a sober group of phish fans at every show though and they have a meeting at set break for those who need it. I might go, it will be my first AA meeting ever. Ha.

Now I am on here and feel better being with my people. It feels good to know I am not alone and y'all's stories help a lot.

Just had to post my feelings and express what I am going through today.

Wishing everyone a sober Saturday!

Ruby2

I'm sorry that you had a rough time. It's hard when you see the alcohol all around and wish for just once you didn't have to think of why not to drink. It always seems like the world around us wants us to drink. But, did you notice the people who weren't drinking? The ones quietly or not enjoying themselves without alcohol? I still see the alcohol first and the people dimly second. Did you think "I'm enjoying myself without alcohol? I'm glad I don't need to cart the booze around to have fun"

I think it's fantastic that there's a sober group of phish fans. Honestly, I'll bet the people in that group have a great time at the show. Really. Because you get to meet a bunch of new people who understand you. Camaraderie and cheer instantly. Kind of like finding the smokers in the crowd among the non smokers. I always have more rapport with them.

Glad you didn't drink. I'm glad you came here.

gettingsmarter

Hey fellow Texan. I'm just north of dallas.
That AV def can come on hard and quick. It seems to wait for just the right time. The great thing is that if you let it cry for a little it will shut up. I always find that a craving sucks but I feel great once it passes. So weird.

Dee74

I think it's natural to feel cravings for a little while - you're newly sober, on vacation, it's summer, people are outside...

but it's not what we think, it's how we respond that's the measure of our recovery- and you seem to be doing great, Pepsi

The meeting at the Phish concert is a brilliant idea

Here are some more tips and techniques for dealing with cravings:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html

D

Pepsi16710

Thanks all. Ruby, you are right and have an excellent point. There was a couple laying in the grass right next to us just reading and enjoying the sun. My wife looked at me and said "see, they are having a fine time just being - no need to drink". I thought about them the rest of the day. I am now fed and in bed and happy I did not give in.

I was thrown off by how strong this craving hit. Had not had one of these since week one. Reinforces that you can't go into autopilot with sobriety. Really have to stay on top of it.

Marcher13

Pepsi16710 I understand but you really need to change your thinking, just as you are starting to do in the post above. Well done!

In the Square focus on being there, walking across with your wife, focus on the experience.

As for the concert, focus on the music, the sound, the (natural) high it gives you, the ability to remember it all.

Try hitting a craving with a positive thought of the new thing you can do.

Kaiflyguy

I had the same thought as your wife tonight at the grocery store. It was quite busy. I stood in the checkout line and I looked to see how many people had booze in their carts. Out of maybe 12 that I could see, only 1 had a bottle of wine in it. I was used to buying it every night and these so many around me don't? Just an observance that made me think. As your wife says "no need to drink". We just need to learn to live our lives without it.

IOAA2

Hi.
I chuckle about your thought of going to an AA meeting. Let me say I doubt you’ll be gobbled up and turned into some sort of non human. Many people here are the same you’ll meet at meetings, understanding and helpful if you accept it.
This is a very good and well managed site but I still like to hear the massage and see their eyes expressing fears AND the joy to be sober along giving a hug to someone who has achieved 30 days. Another joy is seeing old friends who are still sober for many years.
That's a start.
BE WELL

PurpleKnight

Great job on pushing through Pepsi!! You can do this!!

Soberwolf

Great job Pepsi