ladyscribbler

We've had a few posts lately where members mention that their alcoholic loved one is working on their drinking by cutting back or trying to moderate. Others have seen their alcoholic move on to a new relationship and seem to be controlling their drinking.
I found this post on the Alcoholism forum and it's pretty enlightening to read through. It spans several years from the OP and contains a lot of interesting insights into alcoholism, moderation and why those two things are incompatible.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-drinking.html

honeypig

Thanks, LS, this is an interesting thread for sure. I'm glad that the OP was in fact around 3 years later and replied about how the "experiment" went.

Cleo1234

Thank you for sharing that thread.. was very insightful. So happy he was able to get sober again!

Liveitwell

Thank you for posting. I venture over there frequently to remnants myself why I am never drinking again and also to understand what my ex will go through should he ever choose to seek recovery.

bubbleguppies

I think this is fascinating! Thanks for posting. Such an interesting insight into addiction and the grip it holds on those struggling to overcome it.

wehav2day

Thank you for posting! I've been lurking on this forum for a while, it's probably high time I said hello somewhere. I read the friends and family forum to help me understand what alcoholism does to others, and how I never ever want to put my loved ones through any of this again. My mother was also an addict.

As a RA myself, I think it's spot on. Right down to those hopeful folks chiming in trying to find out that elusive magic formula for moderation. Normal people don't need a formula for moderation, they naturally moderate. Alcoholics aren't normal in that way.

So if you are around a true alcoholic, moderation is the fluffy unicorn hanging out with the leprechauns at the pot of good at the end of the rainbow.

We can recover. It isn't easy, but we can. That said, there's no rule that says you have to put up with our crap while we find our way. And ESPECIALLY if we aren't interested in recovery. Then kick us to the curb.

PohsFriend

We tried that lol.

It brings to mind when I finally realized I was not going to spend my life searching for bottles or treating my wife like an inmate - I was going to live my life and trust her and treat her like my wife with the respect and dignity a wife deserves. Someone said "But But... she might be getting drunk every day behind your back and hiding it from you!"

...I laugh a little and cry a little at that thought because if only my beloved wife could drink every day and hide it I would not be here. Hiding it is not a concern.

LemonGirl

There is another thread over there, and it is a poll with hundreds of responses called "Can YOU drink in moderation?"

I read that one often as it is ongoing. The majority, ad you may have guessed, is NO. And there are lots of stories about trying to moderate and failing.

LexieCat

What always strikes me is that the alcoholic and the loved ones have this perception that "moderation" means the alcoholic is "getting better."

Um, no. I diligently counted my drinks an occasionally was able to drink within limits. I did that for four years, and guess what? That whole time my alcoholism was continuing to progress and I wound up going through a pretty unpleasant withdrawal and some lingering permanent effects of drinking.

I think it is absolutely essential for almost every alcoholic to ATTEMPT to moderate before they can really be convinced the "drastic" step of quitting for good is necessary. I always just hope they try to be honest about whether they are REALLY doing any better. Because if they are still watching the clock/calendar to see when they can have the next one, it ain't "normal."

DoubleDragons

I think this is the most annoying thing about alcoholism. I experienced it personally and by observing my mother's alcoholism. There are the times in between the "big horrific drunk incidents" that an alcoholic seems to have some control of it. (and often for an alcoholic, they are still drunk, just not as CRAZY drunk as they usually get) I call it the "alcoholic mindf8ck". Since there is no diehard definition of alcoholism, the alcoholic takes these moderate times as proof that they do not have a problem. Until the next time . . . .

Liveitwell

^^ absolutely. I witnessed this first hand with my ex. There was always a next time. And those times got increasingly worse.

ladyscribbler

That was confusing for me as well. My ex was a binge drinker for several years, and I struggled with whether or not he was a "real" alcoholic because of those in between times when he was either not drinking or just having a few. Of course anything less than a whole 12 pack qualified as a few. He seemed selectively able to control it. Of course I was ignorant about the progressive nature of alcoholism. And a lot of other things.

happybeingme

The thing I think that confuses people is the talk of recovery. Recovery is about the mental and emotional stuff that led many of us to alcoholism. That is what we recover from. But alcoholism is an addiction to alcohol. You can't go back. Ask a former smoker, coke head, gambling addict, etc if they can go back and moderate. They can't. Neither can an alcoholic. The addiction causes a permanent change in the way the brain reacts to whatever the addiction is.