enfinthechange

Alcohol is so ingrained in my life, in society, in everything , I am just never going to be able to give it up. Yes I've tried, I have followed all the advice, done all the things, read the books, tried real hard... but then I drink again as I believe I like it, and can't live without getting drunk... its not always mega drunk, but every now and again its a total wipeout....... I don't think it will ever end until I die. I am so sorry to come on here and be negative, but I know there are some awesome, strong and amazing people in here, some who can live without it, and I feel so totally alone that I just wanted to connect... the tears are rolling down my face in self pity that I am not strong enough to quit and stay quit.... I don't know where to start this time, and I know I will fail, so whats even the point... but thanks for being there, and well done to everyone who has beaten this, that kind of freedom in unimaginable.

Meraviglioso

I was feeling the exact same way this morning- helpless, useless, sad, self-pitying and thinking "what's the use, I'll never be able to do it.

But I'm now at the beach with my kids, I made a picnic lunch to bring, I got sunscreen on them. I'm checking SR every few minutes to read so as to remind me to fight my temptations to go to the bar for a glass of white wine... One foot in front of the other.

YOU are here posting. That says a lot. You could have not posted but you did. There is a way out for both of us, but I know this much, if we don't even try we'll definitely never get there. I believe you can do this. Your time will come. Just don't give up.

jazzfish

I sometimes feel exactly the same. It seems like drinking is everywhere and I either have to become a hermit or just submit to my alcoholism and hope the bad days somehow make all the bad ones worth it.

However, someone enlightened me to the fact that alcoholics tend to surround themselves with other alcoholics and it taints the view. I was surprised to learn that in the US almost 2/3 of the adult population has one drink or less per week (and 1/3 doesn't drink at all). Think you drink a lot? This chart will tell you. - The Washington Post

What I have learned is that it takes time and action on my part to build a life and friendships that are alcohol free.

Marcher13

enfin, every single one of us who has gotten sober has had exactly the same feelings and thoughts as you expressed in your OP. Every.single.one.of.us.

Every.single.one.of.us.

You start by putting down the bottle or the glass, emptying it down the drain and staying sober for today. Today only. That's how you start and that's how you finish.

enfinthechange

Its sticking to it... it ok to not drink for a few days, then boom.... they sneaky little git is back, and I think just a bit will be ok... everyone else does it, why not me. I cant imagine a life without it, so ingrained is it in all my habits and hobbies.... I need a slap!

enfinthechange

Thanks Marcher... you made me feel hopefull!

Marcher13

enfin you are doing what I used to do, you are projecting yourself into the future and giving up your sobriety before those days have even come.

Today stay sober. Today. Think about tomorrow tomorrow.

You can do it if you go one day at a time.

doggonecarl

Hard to get along without something when you cling to it so tightly.

Sobriety isn't about being deprived of something. Not successful sobriety. Try thinking about what you are gaining by not drinking, not what you think you are losing.

enfinthechange

I feel more hopeful knowing you are all out there, having felt the same as me at some point. Thank you all!

LSC1

It can be done change ... you need a plan though .... I hope ypu come back to chat real soon .... we all hope you feel better soon ... come back and let us know how you are feeling

Dee74

Liker Marcher said, everyone of us has felt the same way.

I write a song around the darkest time of my addiction 'my body's gonna give out long before I do'.

I was that wedded to drinking, I felt that for sure.

Thankfully I had a few moments of clarity, later on.

All it takes is a few little adjustments -a willingness to change, a desire for difference, a commitment to support and recovery.

You're already in the rocket - all you need now is to work out how to achieve escape velocity

Leave no stone unturned
D

toadie54

I second this position and clear thinking!

Best of luck to you.

sva777

I will repeat what everyone else said, we have all been there. The hopelessness and despair are awful. I tried so many times to quit and so many times failed.

The last time I quit I figured would be like every other time ending with failure. This time was different though, I had a plan and support. Trying to white knuckle it never worked in the other attempts so I tried something different.

I am now at 188 days and I don't miss the booze for a second.

EE2010

I have a difficult time opening up and expressing myself but here goes. I too know exactly how you feel. I can't tell you the number of times I've been down this road. I have been sober for as long as two years and along comes an excuse to drink and there I go again. I am here though and willing to give it my best try and you can too.

Soberwolf

Have you got a plan friend

aasharon90

So many of us have had the same thinking
as you. The THINKING has to be changed.
For me I tried so many times to be positive
and no more meant no more drinking. No
more drunks in me. Ive had enough. When
will I EVER LEARN. Im fed up. I CANT Do
This Anymore.

Then I tried to cop out of life and my
despair and took a handful of pain pills
and gulped it down not even thinking
of the consequences that followed and
at that point in my life, I could have
care less.

SO SO SAD.

It took my family to call for help, seeking
information of what to do with me because
I fought with ever ounce of strength I had
in me to not be dragged to the hospital to
get my stomach pumped.

I made my way to the bathroom to throw
up everything in my system and was very
much functionable to ward off the strength
of my husband.

Finally the officers came in to escort me
to the backseat of their car and off I went
with them with feelings of soooooo much
hatred, disgust like a criminal for what my
family did to me.

I mean, what else where they suppose to
do to help me when I refused their help.
They turned to those familiar with addiction
and suicidal thoughts of a family member
trying to harm themselves. ME.

A court order made me stay in a mental
hospital for an evaluation and where to go
from there. I did pass the mental test and
all they told me was that I had an addiction
problem. WHAT???

I had NO IDEA I was addicted to alcohol.

Honest, I didn't. I thought I was like my
grandfather who drank all the time and
I never saw him drunk.

Boy was I wrong.

I remained in a 28 day rehab stay to LEARN
about my addiction to a controlled substance
and its affects on my mind, body and soul and
to receive a program of recovery to incorporate
in my everyday life for every day I didn't drink.

It was soooo important for me to take this
opportunity to change my life around and to
keep my little family.

My spouse of 25 yrs told me that if I ever
drank again then my azz would be out. I
thought, HOW DARE YOU tell me that,
and because of that statement and my
arrogant frame of mind and refusing to
ever have someone tell me what to do
again, that I would use it to my advantage
and turn the tables around and I'll SHOW
YOU attitude.

That was 24 yrs ago, August 11th, 1990 when
my life would change for the better and a many
one days at a time living with the knowledge
and tools of a recovery program was taught
to me and I ACCEPED IT.

I literally had to be taken away to be saved
and to be taught about my addiction. With so
many struggling with addiction, its affects on
our minds body and soul, the only way to get
out of that bondage of its strong hold on us
is to learn, to be taught, to listen, to absorb
and to apply some sort of recovery program
allowing others to help us.

I learned thru out my 24 yrs sober, that I
never have to go thru anything in life alone
again. I don't have to figure it out by myself
because there are so many out their that
have been there and done that to help them
remain sober for a many one days at a time.

You can too.

It is possible.

Changing that negative, I CAN'T Do This,
I don't Know How, It's To Hard, thoughts
to positive ones and ASK For help, Seek
Help Will and Can Save Our Lives.

I did whatever I needed to do to remain
sober after I was given that ultimatum
by my spouse yrs ago to remain sober
and learn to live a helthy, happy honest
life for ME. NOT for him or anyone else.

This is my recovery and it belongs to me.

What an AWESOME GIFT to enjoy and
cherish and then to pass it on to you to
guide you to achieve what so many of us
have achieved thru out the yrs.

It's Your Time. Go Get Your Recovery
and Take Your Life Back...!!!!!

enfinthechange

Wow, you are all inspirational - I have stayed off here for 6 months as I was ashamed I was drinking and wanted to hide from you all. I stepped back in the room today to share my shame and despair, and I am so glad I did.

Now I feel hope born of despair due to you guys. I will not drink today. I will sort out a plan. I will talk to my husband and make a pathway to a sober life......

I can already feel the AV creeping back in, like ah, you'll be ok by the weekend, a few beers wont hurt. That's the scary part that needs action. The AVRT course was very helpful and I will read again.

I hope people like me sober!

Nowsthetime

I am relieved to read your last post. It's all about how we think. I understand feelings are hard to control but we have to make a conscious decision about how we think. It's the self fulfilling prophesy. I learned here to be kind to myself, to be my own best friend and my best advocate.

YOU can do this!!! You have to commit design a plan and follow it.

SR is here and we have your back.

enfinthechange

Thanks! you set me off welling up again!

Ruby2

Well I'm glad you found inspiration. Coming here always helps me. I never thought I could do it. I drank every day. Everything I did was entwined with alcohol. I looked at a bleak future of trying and failing until something clicked and I started seeing that it is just one day at a time. Just for today, I won't drink. Join me.