StayStrong33

I've been in AA for 7.5 months and sober for that long as well. I feel good, been through the steps, and even have a sponsee already. My issue is when I share I almost always regret it once I get home and the next day. I'm praying God will help me deal with this or relieve me of it. This type of self judgment is 100% the reason I was drinking. I'd try to be "perfect", fail at it, and then drink the thoughts away. I'm just wondering if anyone else struggles with this. Maybe my shares are too personal? Maybe this feeling is embarrassment about who I was while drinking? Maybe I'm just being too hard on myself? Thanks

IOAA2

Hi.
Many at meetings probably understand and this too shall pass. Try to remember we share our Experiences, Strengths and Hope. Sharing is part of our “remember when” so others can identify and not feel unique, it also brings about ourselves to the forefront, things often forgotten.
My first meetings were strange and questioning because people were often laughing at what I thought was serious stuff.
After awhile it was pointed out to me the slogan “Easy Does It.” This sort of thing takes time to pass and it will if we just don’t drink.

BE WELL

StayStrong33

Thanks IOAA, my mindset is to share things that I wanted to hear when I came in but then I overthink every word. I'm hoping with more time between the present and my last drink this will subside. *sigh*

ardy

StayStrong33.... I think that is why this sight is so correct for so many of us.. empty your heart and mind here.. why .. because we are here for each other.. and are supportive for the person doing the tapping.. Wind Talkers all of us.. but no one here will be at the super market or on the Bleachers at a game.. we can be real people with real problems and so many here have stepped into the same pair of shoes so many times..
Kiddo you are safe here.. chat with this great group of Sillies... go out and enjoy the sun shine have an Iced Tea.. paint read climb a hill and shout to the world who you are.. for we are a big part of the world and Mother Nature is Listening.. Hugs from Wisconsin ardy

miamifella

You cannot control what people get from your shares. You can only try to be as honest and clear as possible.

What people are going to hear that will make the deepest impression is probably not anything you intend to say, because when we intend we manipulate our own words. Your real wisdom will just slip out and you won't even realize you said it. It will come out most strongly in the way you share and the way your treat others rather than anything you say.

Speak according to your principles. When you miss the mark, acknowledge that with good humor. Your behavior is what will make the difference in other peoples life.

Now that I said that, I know that is not as easy as it sounds. And we all struggle with it.

I always remember that the guy who smoked pot outside before the meeting said really good stuff in his shares--compassionate and wise, but it left no impression.

But it was the woman who moved her coat off the chair next to her as I walked in the room, so I would have a place to sit, who really showed me how to live a clean and sober life.

StayStrong33

Andy - you make a great point. I used this site when I was having big problems with my drinking over a year ago but have yet to become active regularly this time around. Thanks.

Miamifella - That has been my experience as well with the care others have shown me. I want to be that person for someone else too which is why I'm so honored to be sponsoring. Its keeping me sober. Thanks for giving me another perspective.

miamifella

I think in active addiction we learn how to use words to manipulate and conceal. Actions almost always tell the truth.

Berrybean

You say you have a sponsor - have you discussed this with them? Presumably they would have been at the meeting so will be in a good position to reflect on this with you.

I try to remember not to divulge things that are too personal (potentially damaging) in the rooms. That what my closer AA friends and my Sponsor is there for. There is no need to treat the share as a confessional for example (which I think I felt it was like at first). If you are sharing your experience; strength and hope, and not hogging the floor time-wise then it's all fine.

StayStrong33

Beccybean - Yes my sponsor was there and heard my share. She says my shares are good and ones newcomers can relate to. However, this is more about my personal struggle with being too critical of myself. Outside validation isn't always enough to help with it but knowing I'm not alone and it will get better is comforting.

Tang

There is another possibility and that is your personality is such that you just aren't comfortable sharing personal details with acquaintances. Further, some people were raised not to share personal details with others. I'm not saying this is right or healthy, but it could be something that is going against your grain. I say this because I'm this way.

StayStrong33

Tang I believe you're on to something there. I wasn't raised to not share details with others but I did figure out I felt "safer" that way growing up. If nobody knew, I could pretend it didn't exist. Appearing fully capable and competent became my identity and the root of my drinking. I think it's a healthy uncomfortable that I'm feeling but even my original post was an unconscious attempt to find a more guarded way to share. Funny what a day of reflection can do!

tomsteve

Your sponsor should be showing you how to use the steps on the issue to find the exact causes and conditions and how to get through them.
Powerless
Came to believe
Turn it over
Write it out. Then ya own it
Tell someone. Let god listen
Want it gone?
Ask god to take it
Hurt anyone?
Make amends.
Accept your human and will make mistakes. Fix em.
Talk to god. Listen.
Repeat and help someone else.

Personal condemnation, self pity,low self esteem, fear, etc will disappear IF ya work for it.
Practice practice practice.
Keep on trudging!

Yer experience reminds me of early recovery for me. Worked the steps, practiced the principles, and learned from experience and I don't worry about what others think about my shares.

One important thing:
I ask god to speak through me now.

Ruby2

I still sit in meetings letting thoughts spin in my head. Am I going to sound like a total idiot? Does it make any sense? I don't know what I'm doing!! Help!!

It took me a long time to realize it only matters to me. I may sound like a blithering awkward idiot but I'm a sober blithering idiot. I found it hard because I make my living by thinking quickly on my feet. It was and remains humbling. There are far better speakers there. I'm only one voice. Maybe sit and listen for a bit? I got so wrapped up in worrying about what I was going to say that I missed what other people were saying.

Hang in there

Ohme

StayStrong I can totally relate to this. One of the reasons I drink is because I can't shut off the voice in my head that tells me that everyone secretly thinks I'm (Insert terrible thing of the day here).
I think though that there are probably people in the meeting who will get something out of what you are saying, especially because it's a little embarrassing, and maybe they were going through the same things but didn't know how to talk about it.
Sometimes I imagine saying to someone else the things I say to myself, and that can sometimes help me because then I realize how cruel it is.
I think that perfectionism and wanting to control others' opinion of me is a huge part of drinking for me, and it sounds like for you too. Vicious cycle really because I always beat myself up about what I said/did after drinking.
Yoga has really helped me with being mindful about when I'm doing this (even though I am far far from perfect at using it's tools).