I'm caught in a vicious cycle
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Beautiful NC Mountains
Posts: 10
I'm caught in a vicious cycle
Hi everyone. My name is Carol and I'm an alcoholic. This is my first time posting on this board. I'm afraid now I might have another problem with substances, or at least I am just now realizing it. I had my last drink on December 23, 2002 and my life has been absolutely wonderful without alcohol. It was like a miracle to me not to drink because I had drank hard for 17 years and my life was a mess. I have regained my life alcohol free. I attributed this to a miracle from God. For me not to drink was truly a miracle because I had tried everything, AA, inpatient treatment twice, extended treatment, detox numerous times. I was on the virge of suicide.
I have now come to realize a correlation, or at least admitted it, that it might have something to do with the fact that I started using Ultram. My doctor prescribed me Ultram for costochondritis 2 years ago in October. I immediately took an affinity to this medication. It gave me energy and it made me feel "good", better than I had in years. I drank a couple of times after that but then I finally quit 12/23/02. I asked my doctor for a refill on the medicine, telling her how great it made me feel and that it helped with my cravings for alcohol. She let me have continuous refills and that is how it has been ever since. I have never taken more than 4 a day, as it makes me itch if I take too much. Well, it stopped working for me now and my feelings of depression and miserable physical aches and pains are returning. My doctor moved and I have a new doctor. She is not crazy about my using Ultram for depression, so she just started me on Effexor and is weaning me off the Ultram. I am having a terrible time with this. The Effexor is only 37.5 mg and it does nothing except make me sleepy and, in fact, I am more depressed than ever right now. I am having a terrible time weaning off the Ultram. I'm just miserable. I'm also in terrible fear that I will want to drink again. So far, so good, but I will do ANYTHING to prevent that from happening. Being addicted to Ultram is far better to me than drinking because I can function now, whereas before I couldn't. I would lose days at a time when I drank. I would do horrible things that I never would do sober. I was a disgusting person. Now I am a respectable member of society and I have my marriage back and my family's respect.
Has anyone had a similar experience or could anyone give me some advice? I am desperate for some assurance that I can kick this Ultram and not drink. I am pretty sure I do have depression and the doctor thinks I might have fibromyalgia. I always self medicated with alcohol before the Ultram. I still want to give the credit to God for my sobriety, but now I'm wondering if maybe he brought me the Ultram. I don't know what to think anymore. Please help.
Carol
I have now come to realize a correlation, or at least admitted it, that it might have something to do with the fact that I started using Ultram. My doctor prescribed me Ultram for costochondritis 2 years ago in October. I immediately took an affinity to this medication. It gave me energy and it made me feel "good", better than I had in years. I drank a couple of times after that but then I finally quit 12/23/02. I asked my doctor for a refill on the medicine, telling her how great it made me feel and that it helped with my cravings for alcohol. She let me have continuous refills and that is how it has been ever since. I have never taken more than 4 a day, as it makes me itch if I take too much. Well, it stopped working for me now and my feelings of depression and miserable physical aches and pains are returning. My doctor moved and I have a new doctor. She is not crazy about my using Ultram for depression, so she just started me on Effexor and is weaning me off the Ultram. I am having a terrible time with this. The Effexor is only 37.5 mg and it does nothing except make me sleepy and, in fact, I am more depressed than ever right now. I am having a terrible time weaning off the Ultram. I'm just miserable. I'm also in terrible fear that I will want to drink again. So far, so good, but I will do ANYTHING to prevent that from happening. Being addicted to Ultram is far better to me than drinking because I can function now, whereas before I couldn't. I would lose days at a time when I drank. I would do horrible things that I never would do sober. I was a disgusting person. Now I am a respectable member of society and I have my marriage back and my family's respect.
Has anyone had a similar experience or could anyone give me some advice? I am desperate for some assurance that I can kick this Ultram and not drink. I am pretty sure I do have depression and the doctor thinks I might have fibromyalgia. I always self medicated with alcohol before the Ultram. I still want to give the credit to God for my sobriety, but now I'm wondering if maybe he brought me the Ultram. I don't know what to think anymore. Please help.
Carol
In Memory Of
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Connecticut.
Posts: 3,736
Welcome to SR ! My name is Trish and I am an addict ,I also had a huge problem with ultram ,they say its non-narcotic but thats crap ,it acts in the brain the same way narcotics do and is very addicting in my book . Its good that you are being weaned off it .It will take afew days and you will probably have some withdrawal symtoms ,but in the long run you will be much better off .Give your meds some time to work and know that you are doing a very good thing for yourself ! I am pulling for you ! Prayers ^ Trish
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Hi Carol,
I too self-medicated with alcohol to deal with physical and emotional pain. It worked briefly and then before I knew what happened I was addicted. Your situation with Ultram sounds difficult for you, but if your dr suggests a change, I guess it's worth a try. The problem with antidepressants is that they do not all work for all people, so as you probably know, you have to find one that works for you. If Effexor doesn't work, there are others you can try.
If you're depending on Ultram to stop you relapsing with alcohol, I'm not sure you're dealing with the root of your addiction. Stopping drinking is only the beginning. There is a lot of work to do on yourself that follows. There is no guarantee that if you stop Ultram you will not drink. There is no guarantee than any of us will not drink. It's the work that I try to do on a daily basis that helps stop me from drinking.
Hang in there and keep trying different meds. Keep posting.
Love, Anna
I too self-medicated with alcohol to deal with physical and emotional pain. It worked briefly and then before I knew what happened I was addicted. Your situation with Ultram sounds difficult for you, but if your dr suggests a change, I guess it's worth a try. The problem with antidepressants is that they do not all work for all people, so as you probably know, you have to find one that works for you. If Effexor doesn't work, there are others you can try.
If you're depending on Ultram to stop you relapsing with alcohol, I'm not sure you're dealing with the root of your addiction. Stopping drinking is only the beginning. There is a lot of work to do on yourself that follows. There is no guarantee that if you stop Ultram you will not drink. There is no guarantee than any of us will not drink. It's the work that I try to do on a daily basis that helps stop me from drinking.
Hang in there and keep trying different meds. Keep posting.
Love, Anna
We all need each other.
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: The road of happy destiny.
Posts: 2,294
Hello Carol, and welcome to SR. There are a lot of wonderful people here who can totally relate to your problems, me included. Unfortunately, I have to head off to work and get the kid to school, but I will be back later!
Hang in there, and keep posting!!!
Hugs--
Hang in there, and keep posting!!!
Hugs--
)))))))))Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: lagrange, ky
Posts: 1
Hi, my name is lauren and i'm pretty sure i have a drinking problem. In the last month i'v totaled my car and woken up in a hospital after being unconcious for 7 hours. Both due to alcohol and both separate incidents. It's starting to affect my job and I'm afraid it'll affect my schooling if I don't get help now. The trouble is, I'm not even 24. I don't want to just stop drinkng. Is there any way to just get a handle on it?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Hillsboro, MO
Posts: 1
Hi Carol!
My name is Deb and I can very much relate to the quandry you have found yourself in at this time. It sounds to me like you have replaced you alcohol with the Ultram. Ultram is VERY addictive and since you are a addict you should NOT be taking Ultram. It is never a good idea to replace on drug with another. I know that this is something you did not consiously do, however now you must deal with getting off the ultram and not gaining the desire to drink back. I am currently taking a newer medication that is for withdrawal and helps keep me away from my drug of choice. It is a miracle drug. The name of this drug is Suboxone. I currently take 1 8mg tab. 3x's a day and it helps greatly. I personally don't know what I would do without it. Check with your dr.. This could at least help get you off the Ultram and keep you from desiring the alcohol. As far as the Effexor, this medication takes some timeto work. You have to give it time to get the full effects,however if you are feeling even more depressed, please let your dr. know this and maybe they can try something else. The main thing you have to do for yourself is to NOT relaspe back into alcohol. Hang in there and I promise you all will work out if YOU want it to! If I can do it, anybody can!! My prayers will be with you. Good luck. Deborah
My name is Deb and I can very much relate to the quandry you have found yourself in at this time. It sounds to me like you have replaced you alcohol with the Ultram. Ultram is VERY addictive and since you are a addict you should NOT be taking Ultram. It is never a good idea to replace on drug with another. I know that this is something you did not consiously do, however now you must deal with getting off the ultram and not gaining the desire to drink back. I am currently taking a newer medication that is for withdrawal and helps keep me away from my drug of choice. It is a miracle drug. The name of this drug is Suboxone. I currently take 1 8mg tab. 3x's a day and it helps greatly. I personally don't know what I would do without it. Check with your dr.. This could at least help get you off the Ultram and keep you from desiring the alcohol. As far as the Effexor, this medication takes some timeto work. You have to give it time to get the full effects,however if you are feeling even more depressed, please let your dr. know this and maybe they can try something else. The main thing you have to do for yourself is to NOT relaspe back into alcohol. Hang in there and I promise you all will work out if YOU want it to! If I can do it, anybody can!! My prayers will be with you. Good luck. Deborah
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Beautiful NC Mountains
Posts: 10
Thank you all for your responses. I know that I have to get off the Ultram and despite my feeling like crap, I am determined to do it. My body is now used to having a steady supply of the stuff and I tried skipping one of my three pills today and I felt so bad, so I took 1/2 of one. I think for the next few days, I will try 1/2 doses until I can get off it for good. I think the Effexor will help with this for my depression and muscle aches and pains too, but I know I must be patient. Patience is definitely not a virtue of mine. I am so glad I found this site and the support here on this board. God bless you all in your own personal struggles with recovery. Being sober is the best thing that has ever happened to me and it is a gift, every day. If I can get off the Ultram, then I know I will be drug and alcohol free for life, with the help of you all and AA and most of all my higher power.
We all need each other.
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: The road of happy destiny.
Posts: 2,294
Hey Carol--Hope this finds you well.
Lauren--Your post kind of slipped in there unnoticed. I hear what you are saying. I first tried to get sober when I was 23. Now I really wish I had stuck with it. I am now 34 and I have wasted so much of my life fighting alcohol. The things I could have accomplished had I got it then. But, I do "not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it." (From the Big Book.) My hope for you is that you can realize how much you might miss if you stick with the drinking. You do not have to quit forever--just one day at a time. Try starting a thread of your own so that others may notice and help you.
Love and hugs to all--
Lauren--Your post kind of slipped in there unnoticed. I hear what you are saying. I first tried to get sober when I was 23. Now I really wish I had stuck with it. I am now 34 and I have wasted so much of my life fighting alcohol. The things I could have accomplished had I got it then. But, I do "not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it." (From the Big Book.) My hope for you is that you can realize how much you might miss if you stick with the drinking. You do not have to quit forever--just one day at a time. Try starting a thread of your own so that others may notice and help you.
Love and hugs to all--
Step in the name of LOVE
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 43
Hi Carol... I'm sending hugs and prayers for your recovery. Take it one day at a time!!! 
Lauren....It seems like you know you need to stop and that takes alot of courage!! I don't even remember 23!(I was so wasted) No one says you have to do anything *forever* Just for today. Keep posting. Prehaps the accident and the hospital were a *warning* Come to a meeting. You will learn alot about yourself from others who have been where you are. Good Luck!!
Josi
Lauren....It seems like you know you need to stop and that takes alot of courage!! I don't even remember 23!(I was so wasted) No one says you have to do anything *forever* Just for today. Keep posting. Prehaps the accident and the hospital were a *warning* Come to a meeting. You will learn alot about yourself from others who have been where you are. Good Luck!!
Josi
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: London
Posts: 14
Hi Carol
I was add to ultram, and am an alcoholic. Get your doc to prescribe subuxone or another equivalent - it will make the withdrawal from ultram manageable. I was on 20 capsules per day. I've got fibromyalgia as well - hits in the winter mostly now. And Depression!!! I'm on effexor. I was on 75mg per day but still felt a bit "iffy" so i kept going back to my doc and eventually got it increased to 300mg per day. I'm quite a big guy, and I'm told size can affect the way the drug works. 37.5mg is a very tiny dose for effexor and normally people would take that when being weaned off it. The effexor works great for me now. I noticed that depression was a withdrawal symptom from Ultram - I mean, increased depression. It is normal over here for addicts to be prescribed anti depressants for about 6m after coming off opiates. Most of my addict colleagues in rehab had been prescribed anti depressants of one sort or another. Effexor is one of the best because it targets two chemicals in the brain, not just one like most of the other SSRI drugs. I also found it had way fewer side effects compared to paxil or prozac -or zoloft. I didnt rate these other drugs much. Well, Paxil was effective, but side effects were noteworthy - loss of sex drive and an initial increase of the depressive feeling - but after settling in with it - it was good for anxiety. The sex drive issue is a pretty major side effect though. I'm rambling because I'm tired. I hope this is useful - and good luck.
Hugs
Mick
I was add to ultram, and am an alcoholic. Get your doc to prescribe subuxone or another equivalent - it will make the withdrawal from ultram manageable. I was on 20 capsules per day. I've got fibromyalgia as well - hits in the winter mostly now. And Depression!!! I'm on effexor. I was on 75mg per day but still felt a bit "iffy" so i kept going back to my doc and eventually got it increased to 300mg per day. I'm quite a big guy, and I'm told size can affect the way the drug works. 37.5mg is a very tiny dose for effexor and normally people would take that when being weaned off it. The effexor works great for me now. I noticed that depression was a withdrawal symptom from Ultram - I mean, increased depression. It is normal over here for addicts to be prescribed anti depressants for about 6m after coming off opiates. Most of my addict colleagues in rehab had been prescribed anti depressants of one sort or another. Effexor is one of the best because it targets two chemicals in the brain, not just one like most of the other SSRI drugs. I also found it had way fewer side effects compared to paxil or prozac -or zoloft. I didnt rate these other drugs much. Well, Paxil was effective, but side effects were noteworthy - loss of sex drive and an initial increase of the depressive feeling - but after settling in with it - it was good for anxiety. The sex drive issue is a pretty major side effect though. I'm rambling because I'm tired. I hope this is useful - and good luck.
Hugs
Mick
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