TroyW

I'm assuming that's not a good thing. I literally bought the bottle 12 hours ago, and it's now gone, and I even slept a few hours during then. Hmmm.....

My dogs are back to being mad to me. Well, not mad... just worried. I have no idea why, but they love me to no end.

You know my biggest problem in life? Every where I go, I'm always there. If anyone knows how to resolve that little issue, that would be great!

Hmmm...

Coldfusion

Now might be a good time to look into an AA meeting near you.

stark6935

Yeah, I did this about a week ago for about a week straight no stop. When I ran out of booze I was so anxious and shakey I hated myself so much in the morning. More than anything I hate most about drinking is the hate for myself the next morning. Hope u stop soon...

Dee74

The only way I found to do that was change myself Troy.

Like no mucking around, seriously getting my hands dirty, crawling about in the dirt looking at what I didn't like about myself and finding ways to fix that not merely push things to one side.

It's a huge ask - but it's something I think most of us had to do before anything different happened.

some folks use counsellors, or recovery groups, or SR...but the one thing that doesn't work is throwing more booze at it.

I had a void in me that no amount of 'stuff' could fill. It was bottomless.

A change of approach to healing that void worked much better for me

D

TroyW

Yeah, I know what I need to do. Trust people again. What a bitch that's going to be. Gotta say, too many people out there view kindness as weakness.

Nonetheless, thanks for your help, and I do honestly appreciate it. I'll pay it forward shortly, I promise.

isabelles

No, thats no good. I had it with Rum now 5 days ago, drank a whole bottle in the evening, first cola, when i ran out of cola I mixed with juice.

When I woke up the next morning, I just could not believe that I drank so much. No hangover, probably still drunk then.
Today is day 5, sober and its doable.
Trusting people is very hard, I kinda really understand the difficulty in that (thats why I love animals more.... I also have 3 dogs).
But still, life is life. The world is full of people : good and bad. As they say in Portuguese: Confiar desconfiado
It means: trust (*people) suspiciously. Hold you own first, love yourself first, Trust yourself you can do this !

Dee74

The only people I had to trust in the beginning were the good folks here.

Remove the booze and your head will get a lot clearer and your gut instincts a lot surer, Troy.

D

isabelles

Reading along and I compreehend why you say that. Very informative site, very helpfull and easier to understand the traps when a little voice says to me: I can be a social drinker ...

JerryFish

Not a good thing is putting it mildly... And dogs are very perceptive so if they get worried, you better listen.

Btw, everywhere you go, you're always there. The real problem is that you have a problem with yourself. If you were actually ok with yourself, you always being there can actually be a great thing.

What is the real problem? You are there, everywhere you go. Why is that a problem?

Soberwolf

I cant stress how great this advice is Troy im starting therapy this week myself i done group therapy in my first year & spoke with an alcoholic outreach team & just as im about to turn 2 yrs sober (tomorrow) im going to start therapy to get help with a few things i struggle with

Self examination & working through my past & who i am & the way i think used to scare the heck out of me but now i cant wait as for all the self improvement ive achieved in the last 2 yrs there is still some stuff in the trunk thats a bit harder to shift

The good news is it'l bolster my sobriety even more plus i'l learn new skills & will have new tools to help me cope with certain things better

ScottFromWI

Actually, I'd say your biggest problem currently is that you are an alcoholic. You cannot "get away" from yourself, so the only option is to learn how to live with yourself. The key is learning HOW to do that.

Frankly, the extreme punishment you are dealing yourself as of late kind of indicates that external help will probably be required. That might mean Detox and Rehab, and probably some serious follow up therapy/meetings/work on your part.

The good news is that all of those things are very possible, you need not look any farther than right here on SR to see others who have done so from the same position you are in. The only question is do you want it enough to get it? It's definitely worth it.

PurpleKnight

For me Sobriety was a great foundation to build a life on, rediscover what I liked about myself and try to sort out the things I didn't like.

But as long as alcohol is in the picture, for me none of this could happen, that was the first step to liking myself, cutting out my drinking on a permanent basis!!

SoberLeigh

Getting to the root of our alcoholism - making changes in ourselves, our lives; making amends; finding resolution and forgiveness. And, of course, giving up alcohol.

Taking the time and doing the work can be difficult but also cleansing.

Eventually, Troy, you will find that everywhere you go, you will be glad you are there, truly there.

Fly N Buy

I'll get the hats, you get the snacks - if were gonna have a pity party let's make it a good one!

We've all drank an arse load in short time periods. Frankly, when I read a liter in 12 hrs my first alcoholic thought - the very first thing that popped into my head was = rookie.

Until we get to a point where the consequences to us are no longer tolerable there is but little hope. I can feel sorry for myself and make statements like - woe is me, if I just weren't every place I go....... sigh - my tail feel off........

Come on man!
You have been around - you know the drill!

Sobriety is here - come get it. I read your posts, you understand what needs to be done.

So, truly let me ask this;
What's stopping you????

keep posting Troy - you're not alone in this.

ccam1973

Troy, you've got to dig deep. Trust yourself and trust in what you want to get out of a sober life. Getting clean and sober isn't a barrel of laughs and takes a lot of hard work.

With that being said, you can do it. There's a lot of good advise in this thread. It took me a long time before I finally realized that I was the problem. I spent years blaming others, or my situation, or what life had dealt me for my drinking. It wasn't until I took a step back and realized that I can only control me, that no one else was going to fix me, no one else was going to make my life better but me.

Take a stand for yourself Troy. I am still early in sobriety at just over a year, but I promise it does get easier with time.

You can do this for yourself. We will be here to help and support you. A better tomorrow is within your control, you're strong enough to make this happen for you.

Be good to yourself today.

obosob

Wherever you go there you are.....
Hahn

thomas11

How are you doing today Troy? Paying the price or are you ok? Look forward to hearing from you.

Dee74

I'd like to hear an update too

D

TroyW

Nah, I'm fine. I don't really get hangovers, to be honest. I'm assuming it's because I drink whiskey, little bit of coke, and the rest water, so it helps keep my body hydrated enough to sail through any bad hangovers.

Dee is right, I need to change myself. That means the person I am today will not exist in 12 months from now, and that's the only way this will work. I need to go through a transformation, because I'm getting tired.

Just simply "putting down the bottle" isn't going to work for me. As much as I love SR, signing up for a monthly class just isn't enough. I need to change who I am as an individual, and that's going to require external help. No AA or rehab available where I am. However, I do have something even better. I've lived in quite a few places in this world now, and have to admit, this this probably THE single best community I've ever lived in. The people here are beyond friendly and amazing, many have reached out to me, and all I need to do is reciprocate that.

I already know what I need to do, started putting things into motion yesterday, and will continue today.

zjw

learn to love yourself more.