Ali2013

I haven't told my daughter that I am going to rehab on Tuesday. Don't know how or what exactly to say. When I went to detox in 2013 for only five days, she was traumatized. How do you explain it to a seven-year-old?

Rachinator

How about "I'm very sick right now and I need to get help." "I need to be healthy for you." Assure her that you will be back

Meraviglioso

Oh Ali, this hit me right in the gut. I have a 6.5 year old son and a 5 year old son. Nothing hurts us mothers more than having our children upset or scared, does it?

I believe the best strategy is to be honest at a level that your daughter can understand. When we lie to our children about our problems and our feelings they then learn to lie about theirs. They may be young and not fully understand but they can feel that something is wrong. Then if you say "no, everything is fine" they are subconsciously confused about what it means to be "fine" and what other emotions really mean and feel like. This is just my opinion of course. Children think "she says she is happy, but she looks sad. maybe I am confused about what happy and sad look/feel like."

I assume she has seen you drinking? I would clearly and calmly explain it something like this: "do you know when mommy drinks wine/beer/her drink and sometimes she is confusing or not as nice? Well mommy wants to stop drinking wine/beer/her drink. The problem is that I am having a hard time with it and I need to ask a doctor for help. I have found a great doctor who wants to help me but I need to go to him for help, he cannot come to the house. I bet it sounds scary to you that I will be gone for these 30 days, and it is scary to me to think about being without you. But I am happy to have found this good doctor who can help me and by doing this I will be healthier and happier when I return."

I would then clearly explain where she will stay while you are gone, who will be taking care of her and if anyone else will stop in to check on her. Tell her about your schedule and when you expect you can talk to her on the phone. If you have a picture of the center or your room show her that so she knows where you will be. If there is a phone in your room tell her "I will call you from this phone in my room" or if it is in a public space show her a picture of the rec room or whatever and tell her you will call her from there, that other people use that phone too so you might not always be right on time with your phone calls but you will try. Tell her about what you will be eating. Maybe if they give you a menu plan on the first day you can call her and tell her what you will be eating on say wednesday night and suggest that her caretaker make her a similar meal so you can "eat together" The less questions she has and the more clear she is about both her and your schedule for the time you are gone, the better.

Best of luck. A huge, huge virtual hug to you.

saoutchik

How long are you going for this time Ali?

As rachinator says you can tell her that you will miss her too but you are sick and they will make you better

Can use this as a motivator to stay off of whatever hopefully. Good luck

Soberwolf

I dont have children im thinking does your daughter need to know i dont mean that in a nasty way but maybe you could say your working ?

if it traumatised her i wouldnt

Ali2013

It was traumatic because I gone. Two years ago I told her it was a work trip. She remembers it to this day. I am sick of lying and also scared if I tell the truth, she will repeat it to teachers/friends. I don't know. Will figure it out.

site1Q84

If you just tell her you're going to be fine but you need to stay with a doctor for a little while no one will know the difference, even if she does tell them. You could be going somewhere for any number of treatments.

Maybe a mix between what Mera said and what Rach said. I would be as honest as possible. It may be scary but it will be better for you both in the end if you can tell her the truth.

biminiblue

I don't think I would tell a seven year old I was sick and had to go spend time with a doctor. I think that would have freaked me out as a seven year old.

But the honest truth is that rehab is like school. It teaches you how to cope with life. Is there some version of that which would be acceptable? Like, "I need to take some classes to help us and the classes I need to take for learning how to be a better person/Mommy require me to go and study for XXX days. When I come back, we will go to the [whatever she likes] zoo, amusement park, beach. Which one would you like best?" Sort of a light-handed comment followed by switching subjects to something fun for her.

Alternatively, maybe call the rehab and ask for some sample scripts.

2muchpain

Great idea. A seven year old understands school and needing to learn new things. I can see where telling a child your sick and need to go away could really freak them out. Ending the talk with fun stuff was genius. John

Fly N Buy

I can't suggest what to say, but you've been given a few ideas. Just wanted to let you know I really support what you're doing for your Family = awesome!!

Many will wish they tried something different - or day dream about a better life. I know I did for way too long.

Proud of you for taking Action towards sobriety.

Our thoughts are with you on your sober journey - get well
One day soon you'll share something you did with your child while sober that never would have happened if you did not take this step. Hold on to that as you do the heavy lifting....

Soberwolf

^^^^^^^^^^^

Ali2013

I finally told her mommy has to go away to learn new things, like how to be a better mommy. I showed her pictures of where I would be and told her she could visit. She is taking it pretty well so far. Thanks for all of your input. I appreciate all of you.

Fly N Buy

Do the work and you'll be fine - There is no problem - only resistance to the solution I read in a post.

Best of luck, sounds like your committed - that's huge

Meraviglioso

This is a really good idea and also very honest. Thinking of you Ali.

MelindaFlowers

"Business trip?"

I'm wondering what benefit it would be to tell her?

I could almost see sitting her down when she's 18 and saying remember that time I went on that business trip? No that was the time I went away to get sober. Or heck, why tell at all?

FreeOwl

Yep. Truth. In a simple, short, understandable explanation.

If I needed to do this and explain it to my five and eight year olds, I'd be honest and straightforward in simple terms and answer their questions truthfully. Children catch on to a lot more than we usually give them credit for.

I'd rather acknowledge their concerns and encourage them to express their fears while being dead honest with them than feed them a line that might feel 'easier' and lead them to feel lied to or confused.

A combination of what bimini and m'visio suggested would be pretty spot on.

Soberwolf

Best wishes Ali

Ruby2

I went into treatment when my kids were 7 and 4, two years ago. I should have told them I was at a special kind of school to learn. We did tell them I was at the doctors. They still remember that I was gone but they aren't freaked out about it. Reassure your daughter that she will be safe and taken care of while you are gone. Assure her that you will be taken care of and safe while you are gone. Take a picture of her with you - a paper picture, we couldn't have our phones in rehab. Give her a picture of you.

It will be alright. Trust me. I was SO much a better mother when I got out. But remember, rehab is just the start of your journey.