Bookaboo2

I met the love of my life 13 months ago he was sweet kind and endearing. He showed me that I could actually fall in love with a man and not jus date men bc am bored an hve a empty hole within myself. He asked me to try something new an trust a person something I never do fully. He was completely honest with me when he told me he was a recovering alcoholic and had 8 years of sobriety thus far at the time we first met. I was kinda scare bc my father was drug addict/alcoholic and I had decided a long time ago that I wouldn't date people who had those past issues. I thought he was safe bc he had been sober for 8 years. The first 8 months of our courtship was beautiful, but something started to change he was always busy with wrk or his daughter. I could nvr get a hold of him. He was always making excuses for why we couldn't meet or he simply didn't answer the phone. Then he admitted he relapsed one month after hving his 9 year anniversary. I was a mess see my father died from a drug over dose an I never got over it I just buried it. The day my boyfriend told me he relapsed I saw my father immediately and had nightmares for a week. He told me he was gonna get help so I was supportive I even tried Alnon but that was a bit 2 painful at the time. Although he claimed he was gonna get help he was still acting odd an losing weight. I didn't put it all together until he admitted he drank again that he never stopped drinking. Most 50 lbs he looks terrible lost his job an now he is about to lose his apartment. I have given him money trying to help him out thinking jus until he gets other job. I don't even want the money back I jus.want the man that I met an fell in love with back. This person who I am with now is a complete stranger and is so negative an always nit picking everything to death. I can't take it anymore but why can't I leave him alone.

CodeJob

Welcome to SR. You sound very sad and frustrated.

I think if you have an EAP or health insurance I would highly highly recommend counseling. You are acting out issues from having an addict father in this relationship. Many posters here fall into this pattern. You are absolutely not alone! A counselor can work you through this and you could try Al Anon again as a second wave of getting your head straight if you so desire. You might want to find a meeting that specializes in adult child of an addict. See my link below...

Adult Children of Alcoholics

Also there are lots of stickies to read here on SR and an ACOA section. I hope you find a lot of information that will help you in this relationship and in future ones.

Ap052183

I feel for you. I left my boyfriend of 15 months for drinking in April. He was unlike anyone I've ever met. He also left me in his bed to go to the bar.
On top of this my dad and brother are "recovering" addicts. I use recovering lightly.
You need alanon and therapy. It helps. I have so much anger that carried into my relationship. I seek out broken men to heal them. You may do the same. I'm getting better but I'm still not in a good place. It will take time. Just make sure you do everything you can do to heal. Also try reading books on codependency. You may see get some answers there too.

miamifella

Why can you not leave him alone?
Maybe it is because being with someone like your father is comfortable and familiar.

It sounds like you are outgrowing that comfort---which is good. You don't say you feel like you should leave him, but provide all the facts that will make others tell you that you should leave him.

What does that say?

GenusUnknown

Leave him now before he gets violent. I don't know what you think you see in him, but the sad truth is, drunks are incapable of loving others and any effort you put into salvaging this relationship is wasted.

Bookaboo2

Your absolutely right genus I just broke with him 4 days ago smh. But I can honestly say that I hve deattaching for quite sometime now. Jus taking it one day at a time.

Leslie Catherine

Very true. He is selfish and abusive as are all active alcoholics/addicts.
My ex-husband relapsed and became violent. It was an unsafe and a dead end situation. Divorce was the only option. I later discovered that the ex-husband had a history of chronic relapse and a history of marijuana use during the years he claimed to have maintained sobriety. I do not believe your man has much credibility in these areas and I would question everything he says or does. He has not been honest with himself or with you.