horsegirl

I am calling it a little slip as I got back on track right away.
I never sent my xahbf a birthday text. He had, last month sent me one and I was feeling guilty ruminating about what message that was sending him. Well... after 3 months strong NC I sent him an e-mail yesterday. I told him I missed my best friend and asked him a question about something he said that really hit me hard (attacked a know security issue I have) when we broke up . I totally freaked out , how do you take back an e-mail after its sent grr! No reply all day.. My sponsor , Thank God for her, came to my house , picked me up and took me to an alanon meeting... I got perspective and am forgiving myself. I sent x an e-mail first thing this morning .
I wrote;
" Forget the question I asked , you are off the hook. I am finding closure on my own. I had a slip - back on the wagon (nothing you know about right? ) -- He had 14 years of no drinking and broike up with me after he started drinking again- Moving on "

I feel ok about it all , still a little mad at myself for the original e-mail. I now have to start at no contact again; day 1 UGH! We lived together for 11 years... it is so hard to go complete NC after seeing and tallking with someone every day for a decade.

I am embarassed that I sent the e-mail and feel stupid that I let him in on my thoughts and feelings .

DepressedGuy

These things happen, it took me two years to completely get over my ex. All you can do is try not to beat yourself up over it, after all you are human and you had real strong feelings for this person it only makes sense that it will take time to rewrite your physiology and your daily routine to accommodate a new beginning. be patient and vigilant. Rome wasn't etc...

firebolt

You are doing just fine. My only hang up with the 12 step deal is that i feel TOO MUCH is hinging on counting the days. Sure, time passed is a big deal - but, Day 1 schmay 1. You can't discount all the knowledge, growth and recovery you have because of going back to day one. AND look how you bounced back - GREAT JOB! Whatever time you had no contact before, I'd friggin ADD a half a day to it. Say you have 90 days NC, well - now I'd say 90.5 instead of 91.

Back on the wagon - keep up the good fight - a slip is not a relapse - you're doing just fine!

horsegirl

thanks Fire!!
You are on fire , ok so I am at 90.5 , that feels much bettter !
You are right , I can look back and say I have had so much progress , letting go , enjoying each day as it comes .. I will continue the fight.

horsegirl

Thanks guy, its great knowing there are men out there that actually have and can feel things.. gives me hope for a future with the right kind of person for me. 11 years is a long time , oI have to remember to be gentle with myself , treat myself as I would a dear friend.

FireSprite

I can't even tell you how many times I have slipped in recovery, or count the variety of ways I did it. It's not about the falling down, it's about how you pick yourself back up again.

And honestly, those "slips" (in my earliest recovery especially) sometimes turned huge weaknesses into big growth points when I could humble myself to learn from it. Recovery isn't a straight line, don't be too hard on yourself ! (((hugs)))

CarmenLove

Horsegirl,

I get why you feel mad. And I really don't think there is anything to be embarrassed about.

We feel connected to people we have been with.

Big hugs.

NYCDoglvr

Just for clarification, the purpose of counting days is it makes a breakup easier. "It's only today I don't call" It helps us get through the inevitable impulse to call someone while healing time passes. It's harder to decide you'll never, ever call or see someone again.

DepressedGuy

11 years is a life time to an 11 year old , I can tell you I never did have many feelings to express until I became sober, I drowned them all... I am / was a big Macho dude, but there is a real change that happens when you face reality in whatever way that manifests for you. My reality meant facing a troubled time in my life that I buried deep.
It's important to me that the people I love are real about things and being real means having feelings and sharing them at the appropriate moments.

it is a time thing