Is a kiss cheating
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: Alabama
Posts: 493
Is a kiss cheating
Ok I know many of you do not agree with me trying to save my marriage to my alcoholic, abusive narcissistic husband. And I know you all are trying to look out for my best interest and help me see things clearly that I am not seeing. So for those that are familiar with me and my saga get ready to bang your head against the wall. My husband told me tonight that a 24 year old ( he is more than twice that age) kissed him. He stays at the same hotel each week and someone that was working there knocked on his door and kissed him, but he told her he was married. Ok so what the F did he do that led up to this kiss? And why didn't he make it clear he was married before that. And is there other things that he did or that happened that he is NOT telling me? I think a kiss is very intimate. It's like that scene in pretty woman when Julia Roberts tells Richard Gear that she doesn't kiss on the mouth because it is too intimate. So he tells me this and then rolls over and goes to sleep. I was shaking I was so mad. And he is snoring. I got up and left for two hours to calm down. Meanwhile, he had no idea I left and he is still snoring and I'm still fuming!
Forget all of the other awful things he has done and continues to do to me, do yall consider someone else kissing you as cheating? Ok i have braced myself and am ready for the "I told you so's and why are you still with him and just leave already"
Forget all of the other awful things he has done and continues to do to me, do yall consider someone else kissing you as cheating? Ok i have braced myself and am ready for the "I told you so's and why are you still with him and just leave already"
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: east coast
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As someone who has been married for 23 years I must say that yes I think kissing is cheating. Has more happened? Maybe. He may have told you to see how you would react. If you don't react he may feel it is safe to confess more.
How do you feel about it? Is this forgivable? What if something more actually happened? Could he actually do something that is unforgivable?
How do you feel about it? Is this forgivable? What if something more actually happened? Could he actually do something that is unforgivable?
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Join Date: May 2014
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Happybeingme, that was my thought exactly. I didn't react because I did want him to feel safe to tell me more if there is more to tell. He cheated on his first wife several times. And he justifies all of his actions. For example "she wasn't being attentive so I went elsewhere" "we were separated at the time" "she cheated on me and so I retaliated" etc
I just think it is a betrayal. And I believe anything you do with another person that you should be doing with your spouse is cheating. Flirting, sharing intimate details or thoughts, kissing etc
Thanks for your input. I had always told him that if he cheated or wanted to be with someone else, I would give him a divorce immediately.
I just think it is a betrayal. And I believe anything you do with another person that you should be doing with your spouse is cheating. Flirting, sharing intimate details or thoughts, kissing etc
Thanks for your input. I had always told him that if he cheated or wanted to be with someone else, I would give him a divorce immediately.
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,332
Do you realize you just said that kissing is cheating and you would divorce him immediately for cheating? You just backed yourself into a corner.
Have you considered that your husband's behavior may be his way of forcing you to end things because he is too much of a coward to do it himself?
Have you considered that your husband's behavior may be his way of forcing you to end things because he is too much of a coward to do it himself?
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,826
A kiss is cheating. Period.
Originally Posted by searching peace 
Ok I know many of you do not agree with me trying to save my marriage to my alcoholic, abusive narcissistic husband. And I know you all are trying to look out for my best interest and help me see things clearly that I am not seeing. So for those that are familiar with me and my saga get ready to bang your head against the wall. My husband told me tonight that a 24 year old ( he is more than twice that age) kissed him. He stays at the same hotel each week and someone that was working there knocked on his door and kissed him, but he told her he was married. Ok so what the F did he do that led up to this kiss? And why didn't he make it clear he was married before that. And is there other things that he did or that happened that he is NOT telling me? I think a kiss is very intimate. It's like that scene in pretty woman when Julia Roberts tells Richard Gear that she doesn't kiss on the mouth because it is too intimate. So he tells me this and then rolls over and goes to sleep. I was shaking I was so mad. And he is snoring. I got up and left for two hours to calm down. Meanwhile, he had no idea I left and he is still snoring and I'm still fuming!
Forget all of the other awful things he has done and continues to do to me, do yall consider someone else kissing you as cheating? Ok i have braced myself and am ready for the "I told you so's and why are you still with him and just leave already"
Forget all of the other awful things he has done and continues to do to me, do yall consider someone else kissing you as cheating? Ok i have braced myself and am ready for the "I told you so's and why are you still with him and just leave already"
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
. He stays at the same hotel each week and someone that was working there knocked on his door and kissed him, but he told her he was married.
This is ludicrous. And, its one of three things.
1) There is much more to the story and AH is covering his tracks.
2) Its completely made up to evoke jealousy
3) He is just an assh*le
Or it could be a combination of all three.
Either way I am going to be straight up with you. I believe all people deserve the dignity to go forward and do what they think is right. For you, this has included continuing to try and pursue a marriage with your AH. I must point out that he has not stopped the divorce proceedings. You are trying to make a deal with the devil and if you persist you will pay a price for it, that I can promise.
For whatever his reasons behind telling you this its NOT GOOD. If you can step out of your box and look at your situation. He is still living in a hotel part time. He has not filed to dismiss the divorce. He is admitting to behavior that IF it happened he DID participate in (are we to believe this woman shoved him to the ground and forced affections on him? Come on - ridiculous).
Pay attention to the red flags Searching Peace they are flying all around you.
This is ludicrous. And, its one of three things.
1) There is much more to the story and AH is covering his tracks.
2) Its completely made up to evoke jealousy
3) He is just an assh*le
Or it could be a combination of all three.
Either way I am going to be straight up with you. I believe all people deserve the dignity to go forward and do what they think is right. For you, this has included continuing to try and pursue a marriage with your AH. I must point out that he has not stopped the divorce proceedings. You are trying to make a deal with the devil and if you persist you will pay a price for it, that I can promise.
For whatever his reasons behind telling you this its NOT GOOD. If you can step out of your box and look at your situation. He is still living in a hotel part time. He has not filed to dismiss the divorce. He is admitting to behavior that IF it happened he DID participate in (are we to believe this woman shoved him to the ground and forced affections on him? Come on - ridiculous).
Pay attention to the red flags Searching Peace they are flying all around you.
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 203
Having been married for 29 years, my answer is yes. If I found out my husband had kissed another woman I would be heartbroken. HOWEVER, if a woman misconstrued his intentions and kissed him, I would not consider that cheating.
I don't know your situation, haven't read previous posts. But I have serious doubts about your man's story. I mean I have stayed in many hotels throughout my 50 years of life and not once has a guy ever knocked on my door and kissed me.
I don't know your situation, haven't read previous posts. But I have serious doubts about your man's story. I mean I have stayed in many hotels throughout my 50 years of life and not once has a guy ever knocked on my door and kissed me.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
If it happened the way he tells it and she kissed him, then no I wouldn't consider that to be cheating. The scenario is he pulled away, told her he's married and that was that.
It just seems that there's more to the story. I've heard men and women talk about someone they're attracted to because they want to talk about the person. He may just want to share something exciting with his wife, but knows that to tell the whole story would be suicidal.
It just seems that there's more to the story. I've heard men and women talk about someone they're attracted to because they want to talk about the person. He may just want to share something exciting with his wife, but knows that to tell the whole story would be suicidal.
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Join Date: Feb 2007
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I just think if a guy were to come and kiss me out of the blue like your husband is saying to you that I would have had a part in provoking it.
There is more to his side of the story than he is telling you.
It's manipulation,it's telling you enough to be the truth but with a lot of details missing.
There is more to his side of the story than he is telling you.
It's manipulation,it's telling you enough to be the truth but with a lot of details missing.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I don't believe it. Period.
My last ex used to spin me all these stories of women who would invite him over or something and just start taking off their clothes for him. He lied about SO many things to make himself look good (irresistible, fascinating, accomplished) that I don't believe ANY of his tales.
Think about it--some woman who works at a hotel (probably overworked and underpaid who sees thousands of travelers a week) finds your husband so HOT that she risks her puny job to come to his room and KISS him? Or anything else?
Give me a break. Not buying it.
My last ex used to spin me all these stories of women who would invite him over or something and just start taking off their clothes for him. He lied about SO many things to make himself look good (irresistible, fascinating, accomplished) that I don't believe ANY of his tales.
Think about it--some woman who works at a hotel (probably overworked and underpaid who sees thousands of travelers a week) finds your husband so HOT that she risks her puny job to come to his room and KISS him? Or anything else?
Give me a break. Not buying it.
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 151
I'm not married...but ive been in many serious relationships...and lied to in one of them. In my relationship with the liar I had a feeling in my gut that was overwhelming at times. I blamed it on my insecurity. Turns out I was right and he was full of crap. Trust your gut...what is it telling you?
Also, do YOU think kissing is cheating? Don't let others dictate your values. If you don't accept it...its OK. You have a right to your own standards.
Also, do YOU think kissing is cheating? Don't let others dictate your values. If you don't accept it...its OK. You have a right to your own standards.
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
He cheated on his first wife several times. And he justifies all of his actions.
I also think his story is ludicrous and really the reason he told you doesn’t matter unless you are desperately trying to find an excuse so that you can stay married to this mess.
The trust is gone, he is most likely repeating history.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
I am not believing this story of his.
At first, I was thinking , this his half-ass attempt of a confession.
But then I remembered, addicts LIE. Chances are you will never get the real truth.
24 year olds knock on men twice their age hotel room doors everyday, and JUST kiss them for no apparent reason. He is not owning his actions in this situation. He is need of his drama fix. And the moment you react, he will use it against you, because in the end, this will be all your fault!
Sounds to me as if he is baiting you, he needs you to engage , he needs to be king of your world, he wants you to be crazy jealous, and carry on like a scorned teenager.
You have every right to be fuming angry. His actions are disrespectful, and unacceptable.
Seriously, this is about something bigger than a kiss.
There are a couple of elephants in the room now................
Hugs to you, you certainly deserve so much better.
At first, I was thinking , this his half-ass attempt of a confession.
But then I remembered, addicts LIE. Chances are you will never get the real truth.
24 year olds knock on men twice their age hotel room doors everyday, and JUST kiss them for no apparent reason. He is not owning his actions in this situation. He is need of his drama fix. And the moment you react, he will use it against you, because in the end, this will be all your fault!
Sounds to me as if he is baiting you, he needs you to engage , he needs to be king of your world, he wants you to be crazy jealous, and carry on like a scorned teenager.
You have every right to be fuming angry. His actions are disrespectful, and unacceptable.
Seriously, this is about something bigger than a kiss.
There are a couple of elephants in the room now................
Hugs to you, you certainly deserve so much better.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 786
Did you get any sleep after that? I hope you were able to...
What Lexie said...
Unfortunately, I think there's more to this. Either a partial truth, a feeler, an intent to hurt...
I don't think an unwanted kiss is cheating. In a healthy relationship, if someone outside misconstrues things (lots do, and lots don't care if you're married), I'd expect a husband to back off immediately, eliminate any sort of ongoing contact with the person, or intro the wife, or ask the wife what he could do to make her feel safe and comfortable beyond what he's already done. Also, he would reiterate that she is his only love and he will always be true, and would never do this or anything else to hurt her. Out of respect, honor, and love, he would be open and affectionate through this discussion and make sure she felt safe at the end before moving on. And he'd do it ASAP after the event.
Sadly I don't imagine this is how it went for you. If he didn't take those steps, then he isn't honoring you.
One thing I experienced was that X would tell me partial truths. I don't know if it's because he could then convince himself he was being honest, or if he enjoyed putting it over on me, or making me feel like everyone in the world wanted him...no idea. He even tried at one point saying "I told you and you were okay with it"... But the above paragraph--that's healthy. Anything short isn't good enough and I would want to discuss it with him.
In your heart, you KNOW when you're being loved and honored. In that marriage, my reality had become so warped that I didn't really know what I should expect anymore...think back to the beginning, or an earlier relationship, or a close friend's marriage...do you feel loved and honored the way you remember it should be? If not, it's not okay.
Hugs to you...
What Lexie said...
Unfortunately, I think there's more to this. Either a partial truth, a feeler, an intent to hurt...
I don't think an unwanted kiss is cheating. In a healthy relationship, if someone outside misconstrues things (lots do, and lots don't care if you're married), I'd expect a husband to back off immediately, eliminate any sort of ongoing contact with the person, or intro the wife, or ask the wife what he could do to make her feel safe and comfortable beyond what he's already done. Also, he would reiterate that she is his only love and he will always be true, and would never do this or anything else to hurt her. Out of respect, honor, and love, he would be open and affectionate through this discussion and make sure she felt safe at the end before moving on. And he'd do it ASAP after the event.
Sadly I don't imagine this is how it went for you. If he didn't take those steps, then he isn't honoring you.
One thing I experienced was that X would tell me partial truths. I don't know if it's because he could then convince himself he was being honest, or if he enjoyed putting it over on me, or making me feel like everyone in the world wanted him...no idea. He even tried at one point saying "I told you and you were okay with it"... But the above paragraph--that's healthy. Anything short isn't good enough and I would want to discuss it with him.
In your heart, you KNOW when you're being loved and honored. In that marriage, my reality had become so warped that I didn't really know what I should expect anymore...think back to the beginning, or an earlier relationship, or a close friend's marriage...do you feel loved and honored the way you remember it should be? If not, it's not okay.
Hugs to you...
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 982
Hi Searchingpeace,
I'm sorry you're going through this.
My dry narcissistic AH cheated, and was very abusive... and I'm trying to make it work... so I'm definitely not going to be the one to say "I told you so"
What I have learned is that when it comes to cheating, what they tell us is really just the tip of the iceberg. There's always more.
Dealing with my AH's cheating is the most difficult for me to process and move past.... of all the BS he put me through. It hurts like nothing else does.
Take care of you!!!
I'm sorry you're going through this.
My dry narcissistic AH cheated, and was very abusive... and I'm trying to make it work... so I'm definitely not going to be the one to say "I told you so"
What I have learned is that when it comes to cheating, what they tell us is really just the tip of the iceberg. There's always more.
Dealing with my AH's cheating is the most difficult for me to process and move past.... of all the BS he put me through. It hurts like nothing else does.
Take care of you!!!
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