brandie27

I've hid my addiction from basically everyone in my life, I have one close friend who knows basically because she's my connection. Im twenty days clean, but, everytime I speak with her I crave intensely only because I know she knows how I can get them. So, what should I do? Shes an addict herself, but I know she is supportive of my getting clean, the problem isn't her it's me. She won't tell me no, all I have to do is ask and I know she will do what I want her too. Also, I've been considering telling my mother, she's really the only one in my family that I'm close too, I'm just scared of letting her down. Im so conflicted, I know I need people in my life too hold me accountable, but Im awfully terrified of being judged.

brandie27

Also, I have asked her to find me something everytime I am at her house and basically make myself back out at the last minute, if I'm being completely honest. Im scared that if I keep going around her it's gonna be readily available and I'll take it.

biminiblue

She is not a friend. Anyone who readily supplies you with drugs is NOT a friend. She's a part of your addiction.

I would say to her, "I can't get well and still be in a relationship with you. I'm trying to save my life and I will have to cut contact with you."

Then do it. Block her number, block her email, take her off your social media contacts.

She's trying to kill you.

brandie27

Ugh, you are absolutely right, she's best friends with my addiction...not me. I am having a hard time with the lonliness simply because I lost contact with any real friends during my addiction because the only "friend" that I was loyal too was my DOC. I guess Im just struggling today, as the drug haze is lifted I look around and see just what a mess I have created for myself and I feel alone. My husband has stood by my side through out it all, despite my hiding the addiction, coming clean, then back to hiding, but I'm worried that sometimes he's a huge trigger as well. I sound so whiny today.

PurpleKnight

There's probably not a right answer on who to tell, people do it differently but for me I went to one extreme and told no one, at family occasions I don't drink now and I'm sure some family members are wondering what that's all about, and some are probably proud as they know I've made an important decision in my life, despite a big announcement on it.

I leave my support to those that know the struggle, the people here on SR, they get what I'm saying, they have been there and got the box of t-shirts, rather than having a conversation with people who have never had a drink problem!!

It's worked for me so far!!

saoutchik

I also think that you should break off with your connection it would reinforce your not using

I would also give yourself a bit more time before telling your mom but that really depends on your relationship with her

Anna

Personally, I didn't tell anyone when I stopped drinking. I had no energy for any kind of drama, so I decided to just do it quietly.

It sounds to me like you need to step away from your friend, at least for awhile.

biminiblue

It's okay to be whiny. We actually have a whole User-created Social Group here called Whiners Anonymous. We are all whiners! They're a hoot, check out the current thread, and feel free to whine away. Here's the link - you've got to read their Preamble on page one - it's hilarious:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...hine-time.html

I think if you are moving toward recovery you'll find some healthier friends. Have you thought about a hobby or AA/NA or doing some volunteer work?

thomas11

I'm with Purpleknight.
ALso, as hard as it is, ultimately she is your "connection" and if you want to get and stay clean, the connection has to be eliminated. I have no doubt s he is a friend, but ultimately she's your connection....and gotta go for a while at least.

brandie27

That was too cute! I really need to find a hobby or something for JUST ME, Im a SAHM of two beautiful intelligent yet VERY annoying girls(LOL) I never go anywhere and my days are spent at home taking care of kiddos, to be honest, that's what kept me so hooked for three years, when I was high I wasn't bored or aware that being home like this everyday drives me INSANE. The other night I looked up NA meetings in my area and discovered a place was having a meeting that night, so, I hopped in the truck and off I went. After twenty minutes of searching I realized the address online was wrong-it led me to a restaurant in a very scary part of town, lol. So, here I am.

biminiblue

I don't know if you've been to a 12 Step fellowship or not, but that Whiners Anonymous is a perfect spoof of the, "How it Works," "The 12 Traditions," & "The Promises," that are read out loud at every 12 Step meeting.

Send those kids to day-camp.

I mean, aww - how adorable!


*edit to say, you can call the AA phone number in your area and get correct meeting times and locations. Someone will go with you if you want - there are people who do that as a service position (same sex). You might get something out of a regular AA meeting too - and there are a lot more of them. The problems are similar. There are also online AA meetings...