loro

I am not feeling so good tonight.
I broke up with my ex addict a week or two ago, and I felt great for a while, but today I am just asking myself WHY.
Disclosure: We met in AA when I was 2 years sober. I am now 4 years sober.
How come I could get it and he just can't? How come my friends can stay sober but he can't?
I had been through 3 of his relapses with him, and each time he would say he could never do something like that again. Each time, the next relapse was worse. I played detective, like many of you. It was not a good life. I was not happy.

But... this isn't the person that I met. For the first year of our dating, things were perfect. We got engaged. It all went downhill from there.

I know I am doing the right thing by staying away. I cut off all contact and have not spoken to him since that day. He has not tried to contact me either. I can tell myself all of the Alanon slogans and read all the codependency books in the world, but right now it just hurts. I can't get over the question of why. Why can't he stop?

suki44883

I'm sorry you are going through this, but the sad thing is...MOST addicts do not recover. They either don't want it badly enough or don't really feel like they have a problem. There are a plethora of reasons why so many never recover, but the ONE reason you were able to do so is because you wanted it badly enough to do whatever was necessary.

It's okay to feel badly...it's okay to hurt for a while. Just don't get stuck there. Maybe some day he'll embrace recovery, but of course, you can't wait around for something that might never happen.

MyJoey

((((((Hugs))))))) I'm sorry 2. I ask the same question WHY? However I have to say girlfriend you got 4 years sober, that's awesome that took a lot of work, think about how strong you have become. You deserve a person that's just as amazing as you are !!!

zoso77

Loaded question.

Turn it around for a minute. Why did you stop? What was it that made you say "enough", and what was it that made you stay on the path?

If you can honestly answer that question, then you can extrapolate and answer your own question.

AnvilheadII

what you are really asking is why isn't HE getting and staying sober now that YOU ARE. his timing, his path to sobriety, if there is to be one, will be on a schedule worked out between him and the Universe.......it may be tomorrow, it may be ten years from now.

it's wonderful and amazing that you have four years sober. treasure it. whatever it takes. but could not one ask YOU, well why didn't you sober up SIX years ago? i'm sure there was a time when those who cared about you wondered if YOU would ever "get it".

he may one day GET sober, it just hasn't happened............YET.

hopeful4

It's not the program that makes a person stop. When a person wants to stop, they use the AA program as a tool to help them do so.

You got it b/c you wanted it badly enough to commit. He does/did not. I know it hurts, very badly. However, with time it does get better, I promise.

Congrats on your own sobriety, that is excellent!!!!

JOIE12

I used to ask the same thing of my husband. I didn't drink or do any drugs, ever. He became a daily drinker and brought all of the problems home too. I used to pray to God to make him stop. For him, for me, for our family. I never planned to leave him but eventually I had grown stronger and knew that my future was not with someone who brought us all down.

I divorced him and realize now that my anger with God was because things didn't go MY way. It was after all, for our family.

My life is so much better now. So many things have happened since that time. Wonderful, solid, strong happy things. And he passed away in March, still drinking. God doesn't give us what we want, he gives us what we need and I realize that he has a handle on my life that I never could have.

Best to you during this difficult time.
Hugs
Joie