rubyone80

Hi.... I am so scared and uncertain about everything in my current life. My boyfriend relapsed and has been out of his mind for 3 months now. He has had a few days of clarity the last couple of weeks and said he is dying g and has to quit. However, he has been lying and hiding so much, and putting off detox. Supposedly he is in day one of detox right now in our basement as I type. He had told me that he was tapering down the last week but he would lie about the amount that he was snorting and how much he had left and I know he has continued to be very high. I can for the most part, tell when he is blown. He was actually pretending to not feel well and then would forget the charade after 20mins and be ready to laugh and horseplay. So I really know he has been lying about tapering and the amount that he had left(I saw his stash) and he still lied about the amount he had left even after I told him I saw it. Tried to convince me that my eyes did not see the amount that I saw. Anyhow, he is supposedly out now as of last night. Today he seems depressed and as of the last hour, he is extremely agitated, I mean extremely. If he is in fact now going to detox, what can I expect? How do I know for sure that he is really detoxing this time and not just trying to pretend to be sick for short periods. How do I stay sane? I have become so depressed through this ordeal the last three months that I have become sick..... seeing counseling for me as of tomorrow but I also want to know how I can help him because I don't want to make it worse and I don't want to b push him back towards drugs.I love this man with all of my heart and I have become a crying mess watching him kill himself everyday. His face is so skeletal it breaks my heart. I just want him to be happy and healthy with or without me. He is a worthy and valuable human being.

rubyone80

I would like to add that this is the first time I have been close to an addict. BFand I used to be real close(so I thought) til he relapsed and he began pushing me away and saying unthinkable things to me. I don't know how I made it this far. It has been hell day in and day out for months. But I won't give up on him even when I feel that I can't take anymore.

MyJoey

I don't hink it's methadone he's withdrawling from. My son is a heroin addict and I Have seen him withdrawl many times. Just leave him alone, put some water near him, some over counter meds, and check in on him. You can do a google search and find what to expect. Bless you for sticking by him. I told my sons girlfriend if he wasn't my son I would have been out of here years ago. She finally had enough after years of putting her life on hold.

rubyone80

I wonder why you think it's not methadone. He may have been doing other things but I have seen him snorting methadone after he confessed a few of weeks ago. He could also have been snorting Lortab. I wondered about heroine but have never been able to confirm. If he was snorting heroic. I think it was a month and a half ago and then he followed that up with the methadone. I mean I only get partial truths and so I have been the scrambling crazy girlfriend detective that is constantly trying to figure out what is going on. It has made me so crazy that I cut myself twice in the last month on purpose just to ease the pain. Between watching him slowly die and being verbally and emotionally abused since he relapsed I have lost it.
I have Google withdraw but was hoping to hear from peoples experience on here. Thank you for taking the time to reply.

incitingsilence

What can you expect?

Well it ain’t gonna be pretty. And frankly your home isn’t a detox center. They have them for a reason. Please know that you can call 911 at any time and should if you have any concerns.

Detox is… well what can I say. It is certainly dependent on drug of choice, amount one is using, length of time using and also how many times one tried to kick before because it gets worse each time one goes through it. First it will be the dilated pupils, then the sneezing, then the stomach issues, then the fun begins … spiders in the blood, severe muscle cramping, leg kicks, relentless, agitation, hallucinations, the inability to sleep for days at times and that’s the easy part. The mental is a whole another round of insanity.

I wouldn’t be so worried about his lies or half-truths. The only lies that are important in this moment are any you are telling yourself.

Do you have any support for yourself? You really sound like you need it.

rubyone80

I am going for an assessment tomorrow so that I may start counseling. I have a couple of close friends but I can't really talk to them about it. All they say is that I should have ran awhile ago and that I need to have him move out. That is not helpful. It is not that cut and dry. I do not want to turn my back on him. I do recognize that at this point I am not functioning well. It is effecting my ability to go to work, eat, or be motivated at all. I am not young, 44 to be exact and I do recognized that I need support.

rubyone80

Also, he hasn't slept much for over a month. He just nods off all night long while sitting up. He hahardly ever attempts to actually lie flat. Sometimes from morning til night. I was hoping he could actually start sleeping....as the drug comes out from his body. He has lost his mind. I have lost my boyfriend.

MyJoey

Ruby you need to get yourself together that cutting yourself isn't going to help anyone. Walk away, go stay with a friend till he's ready to get clean. You don't need to take this, NO one is worth letting yourself get that sick over. He don't care about you right now, let him get help, he's done it before.

rubyone80

I know that noone is worth it. I am aware that cutting is beyond extreme for relieving emotional pain. I surprised myself. I am being proactive and am starting counseling tomorrow, like I said.
I realize that he doesn't care about me right now.

MyJoey

Go up and read 6, 8, 10 I know you don't want to hear this my sons girlfriend didn't either but this isn't going to do you or him any good. I'm glad your getting help keep reading other post and really think about if this what you want out of life. Losing a boyfriend is tuff stuff I get that, it hurts, you love him but this hurts too. I told my sons girlfriend run like he$$ now you don't want to be wrapped up in this drama the rest of your life and believe me I loved when she was around she was good for him, but it wasn't fair to her. She stayed awhile but like you watching it over and over ripped her apart.

rubyone80

Is yawning a symptom of detox?

incitingsilence

Yes ... the beginning part, with the pupils and the sneezing.

How did your assessment go? I hope you made it today.

rubyone80

I didn't go. I know, I know :/ I am not feeling as distraught. Right now I am just trying to take it day by day. I started exercising yesterday and I am going to do more things for myself.
I am trying to be supportive while BF withdraws. However, I don't think that real recovery an happen if all of the lies are still buried. Or can it? The trust is gone. I would think that a person has to own up to being dishonest before they can move forward mentally. He is still trying to cover up lies from the past week.
I do know that I am early into the world of addiction and that I do not want to live my life for the next 2-5yrs going through a cycle of relapses and withdraws. But I find it impossible to walk away at this point. I feel guilty for even entertaining the thought, although I do entertain it now at times.

MyJoey

Oh Ruby entertain that thought of moving on very soon, the longer you are around him the worse it will get. It won't just be lies, he will steal you blind. Getting clean is hard but the harder part is staying that way. Happy you are doing stuff for yourself, you deserve it.

incitingsilence

I understand you don’t want to give up, but have you thought to flip that around and ask yourself why didn’t just leave when you found out about the addiction.

Sadly we can wish and wish and hope and pray for the addicts in our lives all we want, but the reality is they have to hope and wish and strive and do … not just try … to find the life they want and need.

Have you tried to remove the addiction? If he wasn’t an addict would you tolerate any of his behavior? Because the addiction isn’t why he is as he is … just plain old he is why he is as he is.

Don’t cheat yourself. Get to counselling for yourself because you deserve your time. Make sure to take care of you. Make sure that you are your priority. Those who watch can get really sick in this madness, most times sicker than the addicts in their lives.

Be good to yourself.