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Wow. Panic attacks.

Old 07-07-2015, 06:47 AM
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Wow. Panic attacks.

I had a minor/major relapse this weekend. Minor in time, major in quantity of booze and impact in general.

After I stopped I was shaky, sick, etc... I'd been drinking straight liquor, no mixer, and in large quantities. It was one day, but it was a lot.

I lied to my family. I just lost my job & relationship (job: not from drinking; relationship: a bit of yes a bit of no), and my amazing family kind of swooped in to take care of me. I was so ashamed that I had relapsed in the midst of their care. So I told them I was just nauseous.

But a day and a half into being sober again, when I was feeling pretty normal again actually, I had the most intense experience of my life. Sounds took on this weird dangerous quality... like any sound, the voice of the guy on the radio or the beat of the music. And then I descended into total panic. I was shaking uncontrollably. I thought I was having DTs. I made my mother pull over to let me walk it off, and that worked for a while. But then on the road a bit more, it came back, but this time along with the frightening sounds and the shakes, I was actually convulsing. I thought I was having a seizure. My fingers and toes were curling in.

I made her pull off the highway and call 911, apologizing, apologizing, terrified I was going to die in front of my mother from this stupid thing I'd done. Paramedics came, they were wonderful, they put me in the hospital and monitored everything.

And after all of it it was just a panic attack. They think because I've read about seizures, and I was so afraid of having one, that I kind of... induced one out of my fear. I guess if it was really withdrawal seizures, my heart rate etc would have kept escalating. But once they gave me a mild sedative, it went away. And they ran all my numbers and although I'm not going to run a triathalon anytime soon, I'm generally healthy. So it was all mental.

It outed my lie, I've been doing too much of that lately, so that's good. But it terrified my poor mother more than I can even imagine. And it terrified me. I really thought I was going to die in a parking lot off the highway and destroy my mother for life in the process.

I don't even know what to make of this whole thing. The "don't drink ever again" part is clear. But the rest of it is... kind of overwhelming.
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Old 07-07-2015, 07:37 AM
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Unfortunately I think you've found out what many of us have...that the damage done to us by drinking ( both physical and mental ) gets progressively worse. I also got to a point with my drinking where i would immediately go into withdrawals and have extreme anxiety, racing heart/palpitations, and even some panic attacks when my BAC dropped below a certain level.

Glad to hear that everything turned out OK, but I think what you need to "make of this" is exactly what you said...drinking has to be off the table completely. Perhaps making a serious commitment to some kind of formal recovery plan would be the next logical step?
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Old 07-07-2015, 07:48 AM
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the good news is if you dont drink the panic and anxiety usually settles down.

take it one day at a time. You'll be ok. Keep it simple and take it slow.
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Old 07-07-2015, 03:48 PM
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I'm glad you're ok. I think some kind of counselling or therapy should be your next port of call tho.

It sounds pretty debilitating.

D
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Old 07-07-2015, 06:34 PM
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I am am alumni of panic attacks......it's why I started drinking to begin with.....they are not fun..... I don't have any additional advice....I'm just letting you know....I'm w you.
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Old 07-07-2015, 07:04 PM
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Another alumni of panic attacks. My whole central nervous system was messed up. Even driving down the street could set me off into paranoia.

What's really scary is when the alcohol doesn't calm your nerves anymore and you feel edgy even when you're drinking. There is no amount of alcohol that actually calms you anymore but you continue drinking in hopes of lowering your heart rate.
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Old 07-07-2015, 07:37 PM
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Wow, that sounds pretty darn scary. Firstly, I'm glad you are ok. Sounds like you have support at home and here on SR, that will certainly be helpful. Lastly, and I think most people here will agree with me, it only gets worse, never better. Should be a pretty strong deterrent.
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Old 07-08-2015, 01:06 AM
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They probably knew you were drinking anyway... hard to hide. At least the panic attacks highlighted the fact you're trying to stop.

In general it gets harder to withdraw as time goes on. Panic Attacks happen more often too. It's a good reason to make this last experience your last.
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Old 07-08-2015, 10:35 AM
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Time to draw a line under alcohol, it sounds like it's doing you no favours, and for me when it was only creating more and more misery I knew it was time to call time on my drinking!!

You can do this!!
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Old 07-10-2015, 05:39 AM
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Thanks everyone. I just spent a few days with my sister and didn't have access to the internet. I'd left my computer at my father's. It's been a weird few days because they prescribed me a medication that makes me fall asleep seemingly randomly...

For those of you who've had panic attacks... any advice? I'm not asking for medical advice. Just maybe tips or some way to move from here.

It feels like there's such a stigma... like I can't get normal medical help. I get that what I did was wrong, and I'm being honest about what I did. But as soon as I tell anyone that I have this history, they seem to start shutting down. They tell me to take potassium. So far every doctor is telling me that the panic attack is unrelated to the alcohol abuse, but also no one will talk to me about the panic attack in terms of what it means for the future. I don't really know how to get out of this.
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Old 07-10-2015, 05:46 AM
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The panic attack is MOST DEFINITELY related to the alcohol abuse.

My panic got so bad I was agoraphobic for two years. I was also drinking very heavily at that time.

The only thing that has worked to help me overcome them is sobriety. Not moderation but true sobriety. No alcohol. Pot. Nicotine. I even drink decaf now.

I'm so sorry you are suffering. I understand very well. Please try to be gentle with yourself and understand that there is a way out. Truly.
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Old 07-10-2015, 07:52 AM
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My son is still having them periodically after 4 mos of sobriety. Not sure if he brings them on due to the guilt/shame factor or if it's damage from alcohol. When did they subside for everyone who's been sober?
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Old 07-10-2015, 08:50 AM
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It is important to distinguish panic from anxiety, Panic = I am going to die NOW!!, Anxiety = I feel paranoid, nervous, anxious, Jittery, worrisome. 10 months in I still have anxiety.
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Old 07-10-2015, 09:17 AM
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Alcohol and roiling anxiety / panic attacks go hand in hand. It's one big, vicious cycle of panic and drinking alcohol to "control" the panic and anxiety. It's very telling how far alcoholism progressed when one reaches this point.

The good news is: Stop drinking and the panic attacks go down to barely a whimper for most folks. No more obsessing about drinking to control the panic and anxiety.
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Old 07-10-2015, 09:18 AM
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How you doing tuitui? Maybe check in?
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Old 07-10-2015, 09:20 AM
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Originally Posted by ScottFromWI View Post
Unfortunately I think you've found out what many of us have...that the damage done to us by drinking ( both physical and mental ) gets progressively worse. I also got to a point with my drinking where i would immediately go into withdrawals and have extreme anxiety, racing heart/palpitations, and even some panic attacks when my BAC dropped below a certain level.

Glad to hear that everything turned out OK, but I think what you need to "make of this" is exactly what you said...drinking has to be off the table completely. Perhaps making a serious commitment to some kind of formal recovery plan would be the next logical step?
Exellent advice
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Old 07-10-2015, 11:38 AM
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TuiTui I can relate very much to that. I've had to call 911 twice (once in the car with my mom driving) because of panic attacks. It's a very scary experience and I'm glad you're ok. For me they were completely withdrawal related and for some reason always happened in the car. For me that was a threshold where my body had gone beyond hangovers. It's a scary thing. Take it one day at a time I hope you can seek help things get better day by day.
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Old 07-10-2015, 11:46 AM
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Thanks.

AlphaOmega -- that's what I think. It's been a very weird process because my family is trying to get me help, and I just keep telling people that I've been an alcoholic on and off for years, so it's related I believe... but they just say that it isn't. I think maybe because in the incident I was afraid I was having DTs, maybe people think they shouldn't frighten me more? I'm not sure. It is the only time in my life that instead of being like "well I have a drinking problem, but it's no big deal" I'm going to professionals saying "I have a drinking problem, it's a BIG DEAL!" and no one listens. So I'm doing my best just staying sober and hoping that will fix it?

INgal - I don't know but hopefully others have thoughts. Either way my family has saved me during this, so my heart goes out to you (and your son, of course). I'm usually a pretty nurturing type of person, so part of the big emotional fall out I'm dealing with is how my selfishness put my mother in probably one of the most frightening experiences of her life. It changes everything about how I think about myself as a person.

Depressed Guy - This was a panic attack. I've had anxiety for most of my life (part of what lead me to alcohol in the first place) but this was different. I've actually had about 4 all total over the last year, but the others were more minor, and I wrote them off as anxiety attacks. In the others, I became intensely frightened and had to have friends help me somewhere indoors. Those times had the same weird disassociative quality to them... principally, sounds getting strange... but they passed pretty quickly and had no real physical side effects other than racing heart. But this one... I did, literally (and I don't misuse that word) think I was dying. I actually yelled at one of the paramedics, as he was putting in the IV line, "If this takes too long and I start getting worse, can you save me? Can you be sure I don't die, even if this doesn't work?" There was also a lot of "help me, don't let me die!" going on. I've never yelled "help me" at a stranger before, much less in front of my mother. I was convulsing. Nothing felt real. It was absolutely nothing like anxiety, as awful as anxiety has been to me. Now I understand why people often think they're having heart attacks when they have a panic attack. I've had a seizure before, as an allergic reaction to a prescribed medication. It felt kind of identical. No matter how many times I repeated to myself that it was mental, that it would go away, that I was in control, etc etc... I couldn't control it at all. It was like falling through a hole in reality.

SarahB60 - Thanks. Good to hear. No matter what people are telling me, I believe that it's caused by alcohol, and I think that by staying sober I can keep it from happening again.

Thomas & ScottfromWI & Soberwolf -- thank you. I know that's the path. Still here, me and my dad's dog are kicking it and watching bad reruns on TV. Drinking seltzer and eating cereal. Crying like crazy, but you know. So far no repeat incidents, thank goodness. Thank goodness for having a safety net. I am too lucky to be this safe, so many people aren't. It is humbling when your life falls apart, and you think you're alone, but then you aren't.
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Old 07-10-2015, 12:07 PM
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Thanks also Debbie, Melinda, Simplex, Purple, Lighter, Dee... I'm not at my best right now but I really appreciate all the thoughts.
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Old 07-10-2015, 01:56 PM
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I am yet another person who got panic attacks when I was currently drinking. Just like you, sometimes a day or 2 after sobering up wham it would hit me. I would drink more trying harder to keep them from happening but it only got worse.

I am 6 months clean and yeah I still have anxiety issues but nothing like I went through while drinking. I can't ever go back to that state again and I am sure you don't want to either. Know it may never be perfect but it does get better.
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