I think my partner is actually a alcoholic
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Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 1
I think my partner is actually a alcoholic
Partner always liked a drink and has always been a big drinker. 2 years ago things sort of cane to a head, he was drinking all the time, hardly going to work drinking the morning after to get over his drinking because he felt anxious and (his words heart attacky) and our sex life died, he was either to drunk or hungover to bother! He started carrying drink in his car as he had to have a drink just to drive as he was so panicky. Despite all this I somehow ended up pregnant unplanned and things were tough, at the start of the pregnancy his behavior was truly awful and I ended the relationship during this time he seemed to sort it out, cut down the drinking and we gave it another go!
Then 4 months ago he had a health scare and his drinking and anxiety went through the roof since then he is having major panic attacks and has to have a drink to get over them and now carries a can of beer wherever he goes (a stroll in the park with the baby, a supermarket trip anywhere) and keeps a can in the car at all times,
He works away mon-fri but as far as I know he is drinking 4-5 nights a week though that's what I know about.
He refuses to go to the doctor for help with the panic attacks saying he doesn't want tablets and he will deal with them on his own but his way of dealing seems to be drink.
His mum is a full blown alcoholic and has been for over 35 years and I worry he is going to go the same away!
Yes at the moment he is holding down a job but it helps that he is his own boss so can leave early, take time off etc when he wants.
I guess I just don't know where we go from here, I know I can help him unless he wants to help himself but he always makes me feel like I'm blowing things up bigger than they are and he only had a few pints etc and stayed away from the wine/shots etc
Then 4 months ago he had a health scare and his drinking and anxiety went through the roof since then he is having major panic attacks and has to have a drink to get over them and now carries a can of beer wherever he goes (a stroll in the park with the baby, a supermarket trip anywhere) and keeps a can in the car at all times,
He works away mon-fri but as far as I know he is drinking 4-5 nights a week though that's what I know about.
He refuses to go to the doctor for help with the panic attacks saying he doesn't want tablets and he will deal with them on his own but his way of dealing seems to be drink.
His mum is a full blown alcoholic and has been for over 35 years and I worry he is going to go the same away!
Yes at the moment he is holding down a job but it helps that he is his own boss so can leave early, take time off etc when he wants.
I guess I just don't know where we go from here, I know I can help him unless he wants to help himself but he always makes me feel like I'm blowing things up bigger than they are and he only had a few pints etc and stayed away from the wine/shots etc
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
Sounds like a really stressful way to live. I remember how hard it was living with my ex, especially when our son was a baby.
The "panic attacks" he is having might actually be a symptom of alcohol withdrawal. He sounds pretty far gone if he can't be with alcohol even for a few hours.
I frequently got accused of blowing things out of proportion. Once I got away from the daily craziness of living with an active alcoholic, I realized that I was actually minimizing how bad it really was. My "normal" back then included gratitude if he didn't get too drunk when we were out in public with our son, or relief that he had passed out in the backyard instead of out front where everyone would see.
One mistake I made was isolating myself because of fear and shame. Do you have support for yourself, like family and friends nearby who know your situation? I know my life got drastically better when I finally broke my silence and started asking for help.
Big hugs and welcome. Glad you found us. Please keep posting, and check out the stickies at the top of the forum page. They are a great resource for learning about alcoholism and how it impacts a family.
The "panic attacks" he is having might actually be a symptom of alcohol withdrawal. He sounds pretty far gone if he can't be with alcohol even for a few hours.
I frequently got accused of blowing things out of proportion. Once I got away from the daily craziness of living with an active alcoholic, I realized that I was actually minimizing how bad it really was. My "normal" back then included gratitude if he didn't get too drunk when we were out in public with our son, or relief that he had passed out in the backyard instead of out front where everyone would see.
One mistake I made was isolating myself because of fear and shame. Do you have support for yourself, like family and friends nearby who know your situation? I know my life got drastically better when I finally broke my silence and started asking for help.
Big hugs and welcome. Glad you found us. Please keep posting, and check out the stickies at the top of the forum page. They are a great resource for learning about alcoholism and how it impacts a family.
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