sairuhbeth

I divorced my husband because he was an addict. While divorced, he went on house arrest and cleaned up for 6 months. During this time, we got back together. After he was released from house arrest, things were great and after a year, we remarried. It has been downhill since saying our "I do's". He stopped trying and is now back into his addictions. Although, i think I now know that he was using before we got married. I was either blind or he hid it really well. He is addicted to pills and just recently discovered he's been doing meth. I set up boundaries but with pills I don't always know when he's under the influence. He didn't spend any part of the holiday with me and when I got home he was asleep by 5:30 and slept the rest of the evening and through the night. This is my life. And now I'm just trying to figure this all out and gain the will to take control of my own life again, but it's hard through the fog of my tears. Just feeling really down right now.

JOIE12

don't let the tears keep you from moving forward away from the unhealthy situation and into something peaceful, honest, clear and positive.

there is life after leaving - it's what you choose for it to be

feel what you need to but one day laying in bed, decide to put your feet on the floor and walk straight thru the fire knowing that you want a new life without the babysitting and lies and worrying. Rebuild yourself. It's about survival.

sairuhbeth

Thank you. I think today is just going to be a day. Think I just need to get all these tears out of my system. They've made their appearance again because I threw away a couple pills that I found this morning and he was a jerk. "You know those aren't pills that you get high off of. They're just something to help me sleep so I can actually get a good nights rest." Out he goes, slams the door.

Yes, to help him sleep because whatever else he is taking keeps him awake.

I can see it in his eyes. I can see that he's on something right now. And I'm too tired to fight today. It will be better tomorrow and I will continue the fight for myself.

biminiblue

Well, getting in the business of trying to control his addiction is going to leave you feeling powerless. Throwing out his pills puts you in the policing business, and that will always fail - leaving you feeling hopeless.

Hopeless and powerless is not a good place.

I hope the rest of the day is better. Find ways to increase your belief that you can affect a change for you and your child, regardless of his actions or his desire to ruin his life.

Hope2014

I wish I had advice but I haven't been in your situation. Just know you have a lot of support here. Please read and post often.
(((Hugs))))

sairuhbeth

I have been trying to stop control him. One thing that I have done is stop telling him not to do drugs and who to hang out with. I have told him that it won't come into my home. So if he's under the influence, he can't come home, etc. A couple days ago he came home, I asked him what he took, he finally told me after I asked him a few times, and I told him to leave and come back when he's sober and he didn't come back until the next day. Today, I failed. I confronted him and he got mad as he always does for accusing him of being on something.

Can I ask...if I find pills in my home, what do I do if I don't get rid of them? I don't want them in my house. Advice?

Fate2012

Im sorry you are going through this, it's so hard and heartbreaking. I divorced my AD in May and I am finally feeling better. My kids are happier and life is getting back to normal.
You deserve to be happy and safe. When you are ready, cut your losses and move on. Life is too short to deal with the insanity.
good luck to you.
prayers!

FeelingGreat

Hi, no wonder you're feeling down after the roller-coaster you've been on. You probably know what you have to do, and will do it when you feel stronger.

Disposing of pills is as easy as taking them to your local pharmacist/chemist/drug-store. They have safe methods and they don't ask questions.

sairuhbeth

Thank you FeelingGreat for the advice on what to do with the pills.

As I'm trying hard to step away from being controlling, I am still trying to understand the comment about me being controlling by throwing away a couple pills that I found. I'm not sure what the alternative was suppose to be. Hand them back to him and say, "Hey sweetie, I found these drugs and thought you might want them back. Enjoy."? I guess I'm just trying to understand as I'm learning and working on this.

FeelingGreat

Some people in your situation accept they can't control the addict and leave the pills/hidden bottles exactly where they found them and work on their own plans. Others have firm boundaries about what they will allow in the house and dispose of them. Both POV are perfectly reasonable. I would lean towards the disposal side with children in the house.
You AH's reaction is probably because you are getting between him and the pills. Don't expect it to be rational or logical or feel you have to defend yourself. Both of you know where you stand on this issue.

Lily1918

It can be dangerous to get rid of an addicts drugs. The only way I have ever successfully not allowed any drugs in my house is to not allow any active or newly "recovering" addicts into it. I know it sounds harsh.

If you choose to dispose of them, then you have to act like you didn't for your own safety. That's living a lie. Is that really any better?

If there are children and an addict in the same house then it's really very black and white. There will be drugs in the house with the children. It is what it is.

sairuhbeth

Thank you so much. Luckily, I do not have children...unless you count the furry ones :-)

All of you have really helped me and I feel better today and stronger. My AH has already left for the day to go run around with a fellow addict. At first, I found myself slipping and getting down and upset. But I have things to do and life to live. It's going to be a good day.

CarmenLove

Sairuhbeth,

Sending hugs.

I am so sorry. This could have happened to any of us. It's so easy to be fooled and we want them to be OK. It sounds like you did everything right. And it happened anyway.

Time to take care of you.

JOIE12

Please try to seek out a meeting in your area. I did this when my ex-husband was drinking. At first I thought that Alanon was for HIM. I thought I would find ways to help him quit drinking. It wasn't for him, it was for ME. I grew stronger and what a gift that was.

Before that I was a quiet docile obedient kind person. I'm still kind but the other things are gone. I am a fighter. A survivor. And if I can do it, so can you.

Do you like waking up every morning and letting him decide how your day is going to go ? to feel the need to police and monitor his actions, choices, etc ? Do you enjoy feeling upset and crying ?

If not - well that is YOUR choice. Take what is yours and leave the rest. I can suspect that things are much worse than your words here. We have been there. All of us. One way or another. And we tried everything too. Then we learned that part of the problem is 'us'.

Do not fear being alone - you have already face that with your loved one. It leaves us feeling angry, not loved, not good enough, separated from some family and friends .... shut off from a happy life. The feeling of being alone was much worse than being apart from my ABF. And I left when the pain of staying was greater than walking away.

Good luck to you, keep coming back and share your thoughts, feelings as you grow stronger. Hugs )